To not buy wedding present?

[Breakaplate]

Back story : grew up in a quaint town which has been overtaken with second home owners and most local kids have been priced out. Moved to nearest city 60 miles away.
BFF has been ill and had a horrid time lately but thankfully recovered and is now well. Due to illness she has decided to get married sooner than initially planned and sent everyone a letter explaining that she would love to have everyone with her but because of the illness she can't pay for the wedding. She said she didn't mind if we couldn't come but would love it if we did, but to come would cost £250per person (not including outfits or childcare as its a child free wedding) as it's back at our gorgeous home town church so need to stay the night (includeds wedding breakfast and following days breakfast)
Because she has been so poorly most of her friends have agreed and there are about 70 people who have paid to go at the end of July.
This morning I received a wedding list with a note saying
'we value every gift you give but if you could buy something from the list below then you will know we will treasure it forever'
I hadn't planned to give a gift at all, I really don't mind paying the £500 as it was spoken about in advance but to give a gift as well???
I NC but have just re read my thread and if you know me it's obvious who I am. Rachel if you are reading then yes it's about you, I hope you are not (not yet ttc so hopefully blissfully unaware of MN) I will accept the MN hive opinion so you may or may not get a gift.

I don't think the gift list is a sign of cheekiness. People ask what you want and a list is an efficient way to respond. There's no expectation that you have to buy, just some easy help for those who want to. I don't really understand why people think that she's asking for a present as well as the cost.

The per head cost being so high is something I can imagine happening in a tourist destination, quaint so presumably not large, with probably a limited number of options for accommodating more than 50. Say 150 for b&b, 50 for meal and drinks doesn't sound too surprising. Yes everything could be cheaper, but finding a place for all the dispersed friends to stay and somewhere to feed 70 nicely would take a lot of doing and it seems to me like she's taken the most straightforward, least stressy approach. Which is fair enough given her recent past.

I think the best present of all would be to think well of her and toward her and enjoy the day. No embarrassment needed about presents.

@Gentleness I respectfully disagree, the BTB's words were:

We value every gift you give but if you could buy something from the list below then you will know we will treasure it forever

Yes there may be one or two guests who can afford to get a gift on top of the £500, or some traditional guests who feel that they have to buy something, but seeing as thusy lady has already creamed £17.5k off everyone, her expectation should be no gifts or a donation to charity in her name for those who really can't stomach the idea of giving nothing and it should be worded in a manner that takes the onus off of the guest. Such as:

"We truly appreciate all you've done to enable us to have this special day. With this in mind, we ask for no gifts. If you were expecting to, or wanting to buy us a gift, we'd ask for a donation to MacMillan instead. But please be assured that your presence is more important."

The tone of the BTB's message doesn't imply the gift is optional. It also rules out guests bringing a token present like a bottle of bubbly. Which I think is incredibly poor taste.

I think this is awful.
It seems a clear case of the bride and groom wanting a fabulous expensive wedding and getting everyone else to pay for it.
What would have been acceptable was for them to have a cheap wedding in either a church or register office, pay for that themselves, then book a modest pub/venue and ask guests to pay for what they eat. This would be no more than £20 in a modest pub plus drinks.
Then NOT to ask for a present.
A no frills wedding.
What they have done is gone to a luxury venue, asked for the the total price to have an all dancing all singing wedding,then split the costs between the guests.
I don't think I'd go to be honest.
Then to ask for gifts is complete cfery.

@GetMeOffThisCycleOfMysery, your example of what would have been better is lovely and you're absolutely right that hers sounds more grabby.

I'm thinking more generally perhaps - I much prefer the gift list scenario than having to work out what would be best if I've already decided to buy. And "what would you like?" is usually embarrassing for everyone. But then, I assumed everyone had the same attitude to wish lists as me - these are things that would be lovely but we don't need them and certainly don't expect to get them. And it turned out MIL thought our list of ideas for our kids was a list of things we wanted her buy - embarrassing she could think us that grabby! So maybe I'm not in sync with common opinion on this.

I was a guest at a wedding once where I had booked a room through the bride at X amount. When I arrived and checked in the hotel said that the bride had not confirmed my room so I would have to pay the going rate. I refused (I wasn't that keen but bride had really insisted previously) and the hotel said they would be charging the bride for the room anyway so I might as well stay but they would charge her the surplus. It was a rugby match weekend and everywhere else was booked so I agreed. She and her family thought I was a complete CF but I saw it as her mistake so why should I have paid? Quite a few people didn't stay in the end so they were paying for empty rooms. I don't know why some people to weird about their weddings and think people will be so honoured just to attend, even though it costs loads!