Are they expecting lunch?

[PedroThePonyCowboy]

Fil and step mil ask to visit to see dc, we don't invite them. They stay for about three hours and aren't that helpful/ hands on. They always say they will arrive at 12 o clock. Are they expecting lunch?

Just put a drop of cold water in the tea if you're panicking about it. I'm sure they'd rather it was lukewarm than having to put it in the middle of the dining table.

You don't have to make lunch or tell them to come later - your dp does. You haven't explained why he can't deal with this.

What do you do when you have other visitors? What does your ds eat if you cant prepare lunch because you have to watch him?

So are you saying neither yourself or DS eat food when your DH is out of the house? You never have a cup of tea unless it's presumably made with cold water or you methodically place it back on the centre of the dining room table? And neither your nor DH bother cleaning your house unless relatives are coming to visit once a month?.... Potentially they started popping round more frequently out of concern 😦

I'm saying I want to tell them to come after lunch around 2 or 3.
So... do that then? What’s stopping you?

But people are saying I should just make lunch for them
They’re really not. They’re saying - IF you allow them to visit at 12 (because you haven’t told them it’s inconvenient) THEN you should put out sandwiches because a) it’s lunchtime and b) it’s not hard.

But mostly people are saying get your DH to sort the visits out.

OP tell us what lunch is? Full roast or soup and rolls?

not sure, dh isn't invited round, and neither arw his siblings

I have never once been invited to my parents or my siblings houses. I still visit them regularly. I’ve never invited any of them here either, but they still come and visit.

Soup is hot and ds climbs. Not sure anyone who worries about tea as much as OP is going to serve soup.

@sweeneytoddsrazor fair point and well made! Gazpacho?

Tell them to arrive after lunch at 1 or 1.30. Or arrive at 10 as you are going out for lunch.

I despair of these people who can’t manage one child and to make lunch. Don’t be so fucking ridiculous.

You’ve mentioned about twenty different issues here.

1. You have one toddler. Stop acting like you’re dismantling nuclear bombs.

1. If dh can’t cook then he can parent his own child and entertain his own father.

1. Unless they’re breaking in, they can’t get in without your permission. “Not today sorry” job done.

1. 12pm isn’t convenient? See above.

1. Literally no point in getting annoyed that you can’t go to their house. If it is really that important to you, call over. Otherwise, get over it. Again, nobody is forcing you to have them over so it’s not “unfair”.

1. It’s not surprising that they want to see their grandchild more now that they’re retired. Again...you don’t have to have them over.

1. Once a month is not that big a deal.

I don’t know why people are giving you such a hard time about this.

PILs are being very insensitive. It’s much more reasonable for them to say “We’d like to see you. Would you like to come to us or shall we come to you? The drive might be a pain for you with DS but we’d love to give you lunch so you can have a rest.”
PILs who expect to be waited on AND don’t play with the DC are a complete PITA. I have those. Plus stepMIL who has literally never cooked for us in 15 years. We are occasionally invited round to their house — maybe once a year, though.

Does DS have a spare sippy cup? You could utilise it to prevent step MIL having access to an open cup of tea. I'm still unsure if the concern was more for DS or your 'expensive rug' though.

Its lunchtime..you do lunch. If difficult as sounds like you have issues suggest 2pm

@IvanaPee

I despair of these people who can’t manage one child and to make lunch. Don’t be so fucking ridiculous

Definitely. Imagine if OP conceived twins!

My children watch me cook, it's really abnormal to not do this in front of them and I am wondering how you feed him?

Yes I would say come at 2 if you don’t want to do lunch. I understand the they don’t help comment. Sometimes it would be nice to pitch in than just sit there for you to waiter on or give you a break!

I'm thinking of their AIBU:

My son and his wife never come to visit us. When we ask if we can visit them they seem very reluctant. My DIL doesn't like it when we put cups of tea on the floor, but they don't have coffee tables so there's nowhere else to put them. We are making all the effort, but they are just so unfriendly.

MN has made me dread my sons marrying into a dysfunctional or joyless family.

They visit once a month. Give them lunch for fuck's sake. If your one toddler is so hard to look after, one of you monitors and the other prepares food.

So much fuss about nothing.

@EdWinchester when your sons marry you will become the dysfunctional, joyless family thats the MN rules.

Yes, I would expect if someone was visiting at 12 o'clock and staying for 3 hours to provide them with lunch. If it's not convenient, then why don't you suggest that they come at 2 o'clock, then you don't have to provide lunch but just a cup of tea and some cake. Also, why don't you invite them over? What's the back story?

Toddler-wrangling and an OH who can't open a can of soup aside, I wouldn't make any effort at all for these two. If they want to see the GC now that they have time, they can invite the three of you to their place. I bet if you suggest going to their place, they won't dare invite you.

ILs: :We're coming over this Sunday at noon."

OP: "Why don't we drop by your house? You know, I've never seen it."

ILs: erm.....NO! (Insert bizarre reason here.)

OP: "Well, we'll be very busy in the coming months. Maybe sometime in the fall."

Repeat as necessary.

@tigertiger10 because OP is not answering questions, not accepting advice, she's got one child and can't make a sandwich, she's worried about tea on her expensive rug, her Dh "can't cook" and doesn't "clean for visitors" which is obviously bullocks that she's enabling. She reads and a series what she wants and just ignores the rest.

I think those are the main reasons OP is getting a hard time.

I just can't get over you being like this over ONCE A MONTH for THREE HOURS. Seriously??
You said "wait on them hand and foot" ?!?! EH?! What on earth do you have to do for them apart from cobble together some sandwiches and make a couple of cups of tea? Is MIL asking for tax returns? FIL want his toenails trimmed?? Seriously.
And why is it a surprise that they visit "more" now that they're retired? They are literally retired now. They have more time. Besides, it's still only once a month for three hours.

I think the grandparents are being unreasonable in never inviting any of DGF family over. Ever.

I had a very high maintenance PFB so I can relate to the stress of providing lunch while child wrangling. If you haven’t had one of those, you can’t relate. I’ve also got insensitive, unsupportive and critical PiLs so I can relate to that as well.

people are saying I want to tell them to come after lunch around 2 or 3. But people are saying I should just make lunch for them

You’re ignoring all the people saying why can’t you ask them to come after lunch. Are you on a wind-up, OP?

Never understand why OPs only engage with those that disagree with them. Hiding thread.