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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Overheard 'D'H calling me fat!

156 replies

Specnu · 20/06/2019 13:54

Overheard him on the phone to his sister talking about his diet and telling her that he really needed to make me see I should be dieting too. He generally complained that I don't look like I did in my twenties.

I do have a bmi of 26, and could make some changes - I was thinking makkng time for more exercise and not depriving myself though.

Im supportive of the changes he wants to make and wouldnt make him feel bad about putting on a bit of weight. Aibu to be annoyed and not want to speak to him? He doesn't know I heard him.

OP posts:
Hooferdoofer37 · 20/06/2019 13:57

Are you sure he didn't plan for you to over-hear?

MayFayner · 20/06/2019 13:59

That was horrible of him but you should tell him you heard.

Starlight2004 · 20/06/2019 13:59

I think I would be upset if I heard this too. Was it said in a, I'm worried about her health and want her to take better care of herself and join me on my health journey kind of way? Or a genuine she just doesn't look the same and I'm not happy about it kind of way? There is a big difference ce but he really should be discussing this with you. And yanbu to be upset.

Sarahlou63 · 20/06/2019 14:00

If you have a BMI of 26 you need to adjust your thinking - healthy eating doesn't involve 'depriving' yourself.

Teddybear45 · 20/06/2019 14:02

Your BMI is high, so you do need to lose weight.

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 20/06/2019 14:03

You don't deprive yourself. You just change a few things.

However I would be gutted if I heard DH calling me fat to my sister.

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 20/06/2019 14:03

To his sister, rather.

BeardofZeus · 20/06/2019 14:04

Eavesdropping never bodes well really. Did he call you fat? By your account he said you needed to change your diet ... do you? You can’t stop what other people say or do, but you can control yourself. Either take the time to talk to him about how you view your body and your weight, and you don’t want him to discuss with other people or make the changes you imply you semi want to, but are worried about depriving yourself for

Kintan · 20/06/2019 14:05

Unless he meant you to overhear, I don’t think you can say he deliberately made you feel bad. Is he concerned about your health? A bmi of 26 is not ideal. Sorry you are feeling hurt about it though. I’ve found the 5:2 diet a good way of losing weight without feeling deprived :)

sweeneytoddsrazor · 20/06/2019 14:05

Well he didn't call you fat if what he actually said was he needed to make you see you should be dieting as well. Be honest with yourself do you need to diet. When you say he generally complained do you mean he said things like you looked after yourself more or you dont look like you used to.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 20/06/2019 14:05

Telling his sister that he (feels he) needs to tell you you need to diet when you have a BMI of 26 isn't really unreasonable.

Complaining that you don't look like you did in your twenties (if he actually did complain, and that's not just your take on it) is not reasonable at all.

JQBased · 20/06/2019 14:06

BMI is a load of rubbish, it can give so called healthy people the impression that they're not and unhealthy people the impression that they're healthy as it really is just an overall estimate and doesn't take different fat types in to account nor muscle mass.

Heartofglass12345 · 20/06/2019 14:06

My BMI is 46! And my husband would never dream of calling me fat! (Even though I am)
That's very mean!

Sicario · 20/06/2019 14:07

This reply has been deleted

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Sparkles57 · 20/06/2019 14:07

Ffs 26 BMI is hardly massive! He sounds like a superficial arsehole!

mbosnz · 20/06/2019 14:08

I'd hate to think my DH would gossip negatively about me to his sister. Really wouldn't do too much for family relations. Either in my family with him, or the extended family with the in-laws.

That is a conversation that he should only ever have had with you. But he didn't have the stones for that, did he?

fiorentina · 20/06/2019 14:08

Depending how he said it, he is probably concerned for you and would like to encourage you to eat more healthily and exercise more, if you are slightly overweight. By doing so himself he may feel he’s being supportive?
On the other hand he may be just being insensitive. You know him best.

SerenaOverjoyed · 20/06/2019 14:08

A BMI of 26 wouldn't concern any doctor or dietician. It's just in the overweight category by a few kgs. People can be so unhelpfully rigid sometimes.

This comes down to what the OP wants. The husband hasn't got real grounds to be concerned about her health, if she gained more maybe, but not as it stands.

He had no reason to talk about something so deeply personal with his DS, especially before raising it eith his DW. I'd be humiliated by this and feel quite betrayed.

DesparateDino · 20/06/2019 14:08

Wow the all the fat haters on here. I would love a BMI that low.

SansaStarkers · 20/06/2019 14:11

Isn't a BMI of 26 just 1 point over a healthy range Hmm

Mines 39 and DH would never talk to his family about me like that!

gamerchick · 20/06/2019 14:11

Well does be look like he did in his 20s

LoganPeanutButter · 20/06/2019 14:14

If he isn't happy about something, moaning to his sister isn't going to change anything. If I was getting unhealthy I would want my OH to talk to me about it . You have said you could make some changes so why don't you encourage each other . You both want to be healthier by the sound of it so work together on it.

TantricTwist · 20/06/2019 14:17

I guess the fact is he's starting not to fancy you any more because of your weight gain which he can't help I guess otherwise why would he say anything.

Never nice to hear these comments obviously.

Up to you now to decide what you want to do next.

My DS has been telling me for months that I'm fat (he has mild Aspergers) I find it really insulting and annoying esp when he then laughs as well Angry

Anyway I have finally started a proper low calorie diet and am fitting in more exercise and I do feel so much better now.

I also told DS if he ever calls me fat again or talks about my weight etc he will have to move to his grandparents, that soon shut even him up Grin
(harsh I know but he was doing my head in)

DeeCeeCherry · 20/06/2019 14:19

He should've had the conversation with you, not his sister. As for you don't beards as slim as you were in your 20s, I bet he isn't either.

But anyway - you've said your BMI so The Smugs will land on here to imply he was right, pompously give you health advice, and slyly fat shame you. You'd do well to take no notice.

Whether you decide to tell him you heard or not OP, good luck with the plans to exercise more. A BMI of 26 isn't exactly huge anyway is it...?

Sammi38 · 20/06/2019 14:23

Bmi of 26 is nothing!

I’d be upset too OP

And the ‘truth hurts’ comment was really unkind and unnecessary. OP has a BMI of 26! That’s one point off healthy.

I’d tell him I heard and get him to explain himself.