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AIBU?

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Original poster

Overheard 'D'H calling me fat!

156 replies

Specnu · 20/06/2019 13:54

Overheard him on the phone to his sister talking about his diet and telling her that he really needed to make me see I should be dieting too. He generally complained that I don't look like I did in my twenties.

I do have a bmi of 26, and could make some changes - I was thinking makkng time for more exercise and not depriving myself though.

Im supportive of the changes he wants to make and wouldnt make him feel bad about putting on a bit of weight. Aibu to be annoyed and not want to speak to him? He doesn't know I heard him.

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 20/06/2019 21:02

Your DH was being completely unreasonable to discuss something so personal about you with his sister )or anyone) in that way. It’s disloyal & nasty

You’re an adult you really don’t need anyone discususing your weight. Or saying you don’t look like you did when you were 20

Who does?!

If bloody only 🤣

Tell him you heard him and ask him why the fuck he thought that was acceptable? Tell him if he’s unhappy with your body he’s free to not have sex with you from now on. In fact it’s an option YOU are taking off the table. I mean who wants to have sex with someone who talks about them like that?

You’ve only got so many ‘hrs not being unreasonable comments because it’s weight if it was something else you’d have got far fewer.

HugsAreMyDrugs · 20/06/2019 21:03

BMI may not be perfect but it is certainly not bullshit.

I say that as someone who is a size 6-8 with a BMI of 23.

Bwekfusth · 20/06/2019 21:11

@BackwardsGoing it is for the most part a load of shit. Goes the other way too, girl I work with is absolutely minuscule, petite in the extreme, perfectly healthy, not underweight at all, yet apparently, she is. I am tall, and a 2 years ago I weighed 9 stone, it looked awful, genuinely, I thought I looked good at the time but looking back at photos I cringe, And realise why people were trying to force feed me, according to BMI I could have dropped 8 stone and it would still fall within healthy range. I would have looked seriously ill. Bmi is very, very general.

HelenaDove · 20/06/2019 21:17

My sister over heard her hubby calling her a 'fat bloody heffer ' it was the best thing that could have happened as it finally motivated her to get fit after years of complaining and doing nothing about her weight

I hope she had an affair after she lost the weight I would have done.

And why is this kind of bullying seen as okay.

It would be fine and dandy then if someone with an alchohol problem overheard someone call him a drunk dirty pisshead.

Or a smoker overheard someone callling them a smelly disgusting bastard.

When you see weight loss stories in womens mags a lot of them mention they were bullied or laughed at and its just glossed over. Its never addressed. Im glad people with a huge following like Jameela Jamil ARE calling this bullying out for what it is.

BackwardsGoing · 20/06/2019 21:18

@Bwekfusth I refer my honourable friend to the World Health Organisation which has access to slightly more data points than the heights and weights of you and your mate.

Bwekfusth · 20/06/2019 21:25

@BackwardsGoing so you're telling me that bmi is 100% all the time? Because the world health organisation said so? Come on. It doesn't take in to account bone density, muscle mass, fluids, I grant you that someone with a bmi of 30 or 15 probably needs to sort something out, but someone with a bmi of 30 or 15 probably knows they're over/underweight by having a look at themselves in a mirror.

Northernsoulgirl45 · 20/06/2019 21:27

Very skewed opinions re weight. Someone on here claimed a BMI of 31 was morbidly obese.
A BMI of 26 is hardly massive.
He was being unreasonable.

BackwardsGoing · 20/06/2019 21:29

@Bwekfusth if you read my earlier post:

"BMI provides the most useful population-level measure of overweight and obesity as it is the same for both sexes and for all ages of adults. However, it should be considered a rough guide because it may not correspond to the same degree of fatness in different individuals."

it can be inaccurate for individuals but that's a far cry from being "total bullshit".

Cryalot2 · 20/06/2019 21:37

Surely in a relationship you love and accept each other?

My dh and I are not the same people that we were when we first met or even married.
To mention your weight to anyone is rude . I would sooner be fat and well mannered than thin and I'll mannered .
There is more to life than fat or thin .

Savoury99 · 20/06/2019 21:38

don’t think the people saying “ahhhh you are only bmi 26” even think there IS an obesity crisis

Rubbish. I was one of these people and I do KNOW there is an obesity crisis.

I'm on the higher end of normal for my BMI and I have a small frame so could do with losing a few pounds. Which I'm trying to do.

I just think it was very rude to discuss this with his Sister no matter how close they are. It's pounds not stones she would have to lose. I would say something to him.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 20/06/2019 21:41

If your fat your fat, it depends if you see it as a criticism or a fact!

Personally if my husband called me fat, I’d be questioning if I am overweight or if his perception of my weight is correct.

Savoury99 · 20/06/2019 21:46

There are people who drink a lot and smoke who are in the healthy BMI range.

Schrodangler · 20/06/2019 21:58

I'm at the very upper end of the healthy range of BMI and that is after months of eating very little and regular exercise. I wasn't fat to start with but a large bone structure and big boobs put me into the overweight category on here BMI. Try as I might, until my muscles start deteriorating, I am not going to weigh less than I do now. BMI is not a good way to tell if someone is overweight.

Far2go46 · 20/06/2019 22:14

BMI isn't bullshit, it's a tool, a blunt tool admittedly. It's a rough statistical analysis, of course it won't fit all people.
I don't like the attitude that if you're fat you don't understand the implications of your actions, I'm fat because I drink too much, I know this is bad for my health and will shorten my healthy life, this is how I choose to live my life, there is dignity in risk.

Caucho · 20/06/2019 22:15

I read the first few pages then skim read the remainder so apologies if I missed something. I don’t think the man has done much wrong and didn’t seem to be laying into her excessively. For those who say he’s disloyal, a rat etc is nobody entitled to talk about their feelings to anyone? The problem here is you overheard and as has been said this never bodes well. I don’t go along with the fact that the only person you can ever talk about your relationship with is your partner and especially if there are problems because the partner is not going to be a good sounding board. I don’t blame the OP for being upset as it’s horrible to overhear. It’s unfortunate she did.

If some husband came on here moaning about their wives post they’d be given shit. Ditto if they forbid their wife talking to friends. It’s just awkward it was his sister and she heard the chat but doesn’t sound like he was screaming about her being a fat fucker which she isn’t at that BMI

HelenaDove · 20/06/2019 22:54

"Ditto if they forbid their wife talking to friends"

I dont know about physical gymnastics but some on here are very very good at mental gymnastics. Where had OP forbidden her DH to talk to his family.

He said she doesnt look like how she did in her twenties. HOT NEWS FLASH no one does or will Excercise and a healthy diet is very good for you but ANOTHER NEWS FLASH.........its not a fucking Tardis. We all age Our skin and hair ages. No one looks the same as they did in their twenties

It was bloody mean and superficial of him to expect her not to age..............he sounds like he would fit right in on the Holllywood or celebrity circuit.

Densol999 · 20/06/2019 23:14

BMI of 26 !! Could just mean you carry a little extra weight on hips and legs - so ?!
If its all on your belly maybe a bigger deal but its hardly morbidly obese !

HappyRoots · 20/06/2019 23:24

HelenaDove

"its not a fucking Tardis."

hahahahaha

Singlenotsingle · 20/06/2019 23:27

Your bmi is not high ffs! Tàke no notice.w

Sparklesocks · 20/06/2019 23:29

For some reason a lot of MN are fucking weird about weight OP, they seem to lose all compassion for that person if they’re a few lbs overweight and delight in telling them how unhealthy they are.

I’m sorry you heard that it must’ve been very upsetting.

Jaffacakebeast · 20/06/2019 23:56

Is a bmi of 26 that bad?

DeeCeeCherry · 21/06/2019 01:01

Jaffa no, not at all but cats bum mouths with an axe to grind will delight in saying it is. They never miss an opportunity to try to make another woman feel like crap if they can. Overweight = insults towards a woman is fine, it seems. Nasty, sexist fatshaming

BackwardsGoing · 21/06/2019 01:18

I'm fat because I drink too much, I know this is bad for my health and will shorten my healthy life, this is how I choose to live my life, there is dignity in risk.

For me it's not when you die but how you live before you die. We're all going to die, but I'm hoping to live independently for as long as possible and being a healthy weight will help that.

On that cheery note I will leave the thread to the "you're not fat, hun, just big boned" people. I've no intention to fat shame OP or anyone, I don't give a fig what you look like. I just don't think we should kid ourselves that we are healthy if we're not, or if we're increasing the risk of ill health in the future.

Raspberrytruffle · 21/06/2019 03:37

OP the only way to bring balance and peace back is to accidentally let your dh hear you complain about his pencil dick not satisfying you Wink

HollySniffs · 21/06/2019 08:42

BackwardsGoing 01.18 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻.