Overheard 'D'H calling me fat!

[Specnu]

Overheard him on the phone to his sister talking about his diet and telling her that he really needed to make me see I should be dieting too. He generally complained that I don't look like I did in my twenties.

I do have a bmi of 26, and could make some changes - I was thinking makkng time for more exercise and not depriving myself though.

Im supportive of the changes he wants to make and wouldnt make him feel bad about putting on a bit of weight. Aibu to be annoyed and not want to speak to him? He doesn't know I heard him.

Perfect Pam's are out in force.

It doesn’t matter if a BMI of 26 is overweight, healthy or not.
It’s the fact her DH has been bitchy behind her back and has been judgemental.
It’s te fact it’s not to him to decide if she needs to lose weight, go on a diet or whatnot. It’s up to her. Because if you start that way, saying that it’s ok for him to tell her she needs to lose weight, then it should also be ok for him to tell her what to eat, that eating that much meat/crisps/fruits/wheat is t healthy and she has to ‘obey’ him ‘because it’s clearly unhealthy so she has no other choice to do so’.

Well sorry but fuck that.

We all, in one way or the other, do stuff that are unhealthy or dangerous for our health. We chose to do so and that’s ok because we are all independent a DH the free choice of what to do with our life. That applies to everything incl our diet. He has no right to push or impose a certain diet or weight onto anyone but himself.

Watched a program the other day (The truth about diets or something like that) where a lot of HCPs said that actually a BMI in the range 22-27 is probably healthiest.

And I don't believe that anyone has the right to tell anyone else what to do with their own body.

Oh dear, the ridiculous BMI police are out in force to berate the OP for being possibly slightly overweight.

OP, in your shoes I would be telling him that you heard. A lot depends on how it was said but I’d be pretty pissed off and making it clear I was NOT amused.

Bmi of 26 is nothing!

What would your consider to be unhealthy?

It's hard to grasp how there is a total denial that being overweight and obese is just fine for your health

It's a shame your DH couldn't have said it directly to you - but would your reaction have been any different? And that might be why he felt he couldn't tell you

What has the OP's health got to do with anyone else? You're only bothered because it's visible and being able to put someone down for their weight makes you feel superior.

It's completely up to the OP if she wants to be overweight. But you can't kid people that its healthy

alligator The OP was asking for opinions.

It must be really nice to be perfect.
These posts make me laugh, it's totally fine for her husband to slag her off behind her back because she's doing something "unhealthy". I imagine all of these people are the perfect picture of health? They don't drink, don't smoke, nothing other than the healthiest foods pass their lips?

Bmi of 26 is not fat.

Am just reading a paper in the JAMA which shows that BMI over 30 carries the highest risk to your health, then being underweight, then being 25-30.

So being a bit plump is actually better than being too thin, in terms of life expectancy and not considering any other factor. That's not to say that being thin is a bad thing, it's just that the automatic "A BMI OF 26 IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH" is not necessarily accurate. Nor helpful, imo.

@TheOrigRightsofwomen, the OP was asking for opinions on whether or not she was being unreasonable to feel upset by what she'd heard. Not what we all think of her appearance, which we can't judge from a BMI anyway!

My bmi is 26 atm and I need to lose a stone to look ok. So at 1 over I do look fat tbf.

Did he actually use the word fat?

Hmm. Is this one of those threads where the OP —first time poster— posts something a bit controversial then disappears?

You can also be what's called "metabolically obese, normal weight" (MONW) which "may mask significant comorbidities and delay health interventions."

Bmi 26 is pretty great tbh. What's his bmi op?

He was a complete dick to even think about mentioning losing weight to you, let alone to chat to his sister about it. Shows where his loyalty is, or rather where it isn't. Ywbu to passive-aggressively ignore him though. You need to tell him straight he needs to respect you.

With a bmi if 26, you are overweight and by the sounds of it he wants to encourage you join him in his dieting for the health benefits not just because of appearance. It's cruel to be kind and he didn't intend you to hear so he wasn't trying to hurt your feelings.

I think we all like to kid ourselves that we are a healthy weight but in reality many of us are not. I am on holiday and the size of so many people, predominantly British people is shocking.
OP instead of being upset at your husband stand and look at yourself and ask if you are as healthy as you can be.

I’m sure he doesn’t look like a 20 odd year old anymore either! How rude and disrespectful of him, poor you .

BMI is a load of tosh anyway. I know a few people with a high BMI because they’re very muscly and other people with a normal BMI who look overweight and eat lots of junk food.

Strange how weight seems to be a gloves off subject - the green light for anyone at all to bitch about you behind your back, say you don't look as good as before etc..& that's all ok as you're a bit fat so you should neither be upset, not respond.

I bet those sounding boringly bitchy and prissy about weight & no doubt not a health or nutrition qualification, aren't perfectly proportioned at all.

@sicario in the 13 years I've been on this site I can count on one hand the number of people I've reported but You've just made the list.

Your reply was rude, unnecessarily cruel and makes you sound like a complete bitch