Feeling uncomfortable about amount spent on classmates birthday party

[Worstparty]

I've name changed as basically I think this is very identifying as I can't imagine anyone else at all doing this... I'm keeping details obscure (sorry) because Daily Mail.

DS has been invited to a birthday party which I consider hugely (actually grossly) expensive. From what I can fathom the whole thing including 'party bags' is coming to a cost equivalent to a years school fees. We aren't at a 'destination' private school and most parents are fairly ordinary, although does include some 'rich, rich' families but I've never felt any huge difference between families.

How would you handle this? We are really not well off and the party is something we would do as a once a year holiday. I feel very uncomfortable as every other child's party is going to seem bad in comparison. My feeling is to explain to DS that we aren't as well off and wouldn't choose to spend our money like that. I feel like this amazing party is actually going to rob the joy from the whole class for the year.

Honestly, mind your own business.

Does your ds like the kid whose party it is? Would he want to wish him happy birthday? Would he still want to go to the party if it was cinema + McDs?

If so, let him go.

If it is an overnight trip to Disney in Paris, I would be concerned about supervision for prep school kids.

If it is a disney party in a lovely hotel, I'd be less concerned.

If it was a trip to disney in the US, I wouldn't let him go.

The cost wouldn't bother me either way - their choice - as long as it was safe and appropriate. My kids have been at school with people who have brought friends on private jets to a destination for a party. They all know that kind of wealth is unusual.

I've only waded thru a few pages.

You'd be amazed at what children like actually and don't like and what they remember

The best party I remember from childhood was in a story book cottage house, in classic dining room with pretty laid up table. It was just so pretty. Even as child I wasn't a fan of class parties in ugly sports halls. I preferred small parties, classic party games.

Explaining to children about the cost etc... I wouldn't bother!!

They see things very differently!

It's also not really for you to judge. You don't know about their lives or their journey to have kids or anything. Be thankful your child is going to have this really eye opening experience.

Op if it's Disney annual pass stay off site

Depending on age, your son will not think ‘this is a really expensive party’ he’ll just enjoy it.

Surely it’s unlikely he will ask to do the exact same thing for his - if he does then you can explain about not being able to afford it.

I don’t think this extravagant amount will ‘rob’ them of their joy for the whole year! Kids are much less hung up on money than adults ime.

I can't be bothered to read the whole thread but why would you not send your DS to a party that he's been invited to because you perceive it's too extravagant?! Your son will miss out. This is about him, not you or your opinions of how others choose to spend their money.

It's easy; let other people live their lives and you live yours but don't disadvantage your son through no fault of his own

@Undies1990 always a pleasure to have people who are so arrogant they think anyone gives a fuck about their POV despite not reading anyone else's

Let them do what they want to the best of their ability, and you do what you want to the best of your ability and don't worry about the rest.

Hang on... I thought this whole thread was about these parents taking a whole class, or many of them, to Disney Paris on the train (yikes), so I was wondering if the cost was because parents had been invited as well. Also I was wondering about DC getting lost in the park; what a huge responsibility etc.

But now, it turns out, this is just a Disney- themed party in a hotel - no passports needed

Well, what is all the fuss about then? Kids at that age don’t realise how much it costs to rent hotels.

My DDs went to some “posh parties” eg. a whole load of 9-year olds for afternoon tea in the Bluebird cafe and beautiful organza party bags, etc. When it came to DD’s party, she just said, “I’m making everyone some slime,”

Our version of a Disney party was when DH turned up at DS’ third birthday party with panto costumes of Winnie the poo and Tigger that he’d taken it upon himself to hire from Angels in SoHo who do proper theatre costumes, etc. He and another dad put them on and made their grand entrance. Half the kids screamed in terror and some were hysterical.

Just go with it OP. Maybe they’ve had a bad year and want to do a big celebration? It’s fine. Would you stop your DS going to someone else’s home because it was grander than yours? I hope not.

But now, it turns out, this is just a Disney- themed party in a hotel - no passports needed confused

How does that cost a years fees at the private school they go to.

Maybe children will meet one of dds friends, she has a part time job as a children’s entertainer dressed as a particular Disney princess.

If the children are at one of the cheaper-end private schools, and it's an expensive venue (buying out a museum, restaurant, or a high-end hotel space, say), with expensive catering and hired entertainment with lots of personnel probably organised by a 'celebrity' party planner like Duggans and the party bags contain expensive things, then I could see that fairly easily.

When we lived in the UAE, long before we had DS, I remember friends talking about insane children's parties where the party bags contained iPads, Tiffany necklaces, games consoles. mobile phones etc.

I'm confused... where has the OP said its a Disney themed party in a hotel?

You’re over thinking it and are being abit competitive and insecure. Parties are different this one sounds great be abit mean to exclude your child because you feel you can’t keep up with the Joneses. My friend did a party where they bought each boy a water gun and they ran round the local woods then had a picnic. Kids loved it!

I don't see why you wouldn't let your child go? Isn't it good to encourage little ones to play with kids from all backgrounds? Especially when it's a fun thing they will enjoy?

Seems a shame to divide the kids over grown up attitudes about money.

If he asks why you don't go to Disney, surely you could say 'everyone celebrates birthdays differently, it would be boring if every party was at Disney!'

@youngestisapsycho, the OP says

It's a Disney party done very, very nicely from what I can see

and later makes reference to a sleepover and knowing the hotel they are staying in.

Hang on a minute, they are bringing the kids to Disneyland??? Are the parents invited too?

No, it seems as if it's an expensive Disney-themed sleepover at a posh hotel, as far as I can gather.

If you think it is safe and your dc wants to go then I can't see the issue really, and it seems a shame for your dc to miss out.

If the issue is more your own feelings about the difference in opportunities between families then I can understand that (but would still let dc go).

I'd agree that you may be overthinking this.

What a lovely, fantastic opportunity for your DS. I say let him go and enjoy it, impressing upon him that he's very lucky to be treated and to especially remember to say please and thank you and his manners in general while he's there!

I think it's a great opportunity to lightly introduce the idea that doing expensive things and cheap (/free) things really can be equally enjoyable and that it's important to appreciate both for what they are.

Otherwise I wouldn't worry - what a lucky little boy!

I thought she meant a hotel at Eurodisney? Anyway, she seems to have buggered off now so will we ever know?!

I genuinely don’t understand the issue. They can presumably afford it and that’s how life is - not everyone is equal. My kids would no doubt enjoy it but they’d have zero idea how much it cost or how it compared to other parties

Ive only skimmed the posts.

Op, and others, yours is an incredibly negative way of looking at life. Yabu.

My reaction to my dc being invited to a party way beyond my reach, would be 'that is awesome, you lucky, lucky dc.'

You're essentially suggesting turning down something because it might be better than anything else you'll ever do. When do you draw the line. Never ever do anything, eat only dry bread; because if you have steak you might never get it again. That, imo, is so so odd

Enjoy life, if you get the chance to do something awesome, grab it!

I feel like this amazing party is actually going to rob the joy from the whole class for the year.

Crikey Op, first world problems and all that.

Get a grip.

So what are you going to do? Withdraw your kid because of your egalitarian scruples? He's got a rich friend. This is a contact to hold on to surely? Not one to reject.