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Original poster

Feeling uncomfortable about amount spent on classmates birthday party

304 replies

Worstparty · 20/06/2019 13:50

I've name changed as basically I think this is very identifying as I can't imagine anyone else at all doing this... I'm keeping details obscure (sorry) because Daily Mail.

DS has been invited to a birthday party which I consider hugely (actually grossly) expensive. From what I can fathom the whole thing including 'party bags' is coming to a cost equivalent to a years school fees. We aren't at a 'destination' private school and most parents are fairly ordinary, although does include some 'rich, rich' families but I've never felt any huge difference between families.

How would you handle this? We are really not well off and the party is something we would do as a once a year holiday. I feel very uncomfortable as every other child's party is going to seem bad in comparison. My feeling is to explain to DS that we aren't as well off and wouldn't choose to spend our money like that. I feel like this amazing party is actually going to rob the joy from the whole class for the year.

OP posts:
ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 20/06/2019 17:57

I really can't see what the problem is?

Your child has been invited to do something nice, at no expense to you and you want to deprive him because......what?

Seeing as you're being so righteous, I presume you're going to explain it to DS as some sort of life lesson, so what are you going to tell him?

Littleduckeggblue · 20/06/2019 18:00

Bibibidi bodidy boop at Harrods?

Nanamilly · 20/06/2019 18:02

Seeing as you're being so righteous, I presume you're going to explain it to DS as some sort of life lesson, so what are you going to tell him?

This thread is very much like another one discussing the amount women spend on their grooming.

I think there's a full moon.

HaveNoSocks · 20/06/2019 18:03

OP does have a good point. Massively OTT parties (we're talking hiring out legoland etc) are a bit ridiculous - and tend to encourage kids to be overly flashy and materialistic. That said as long as it's a one off I wouldn't worry - let him go!

ALLMYSmellySocks · 20/06/2019 18:11

This is one of these silly MN threads where everyone decides to kick the boot into OP when you can guarantee in real life they'd balk if their DC was invited to such a party. Of course it skews expectations and sets massively unrealistic expectations. I've seen threads on here where people complain that party bags were too extravagant let alone jetting off somewhere for a kid's birthday.

leasedaudi · 20/06/2019 18:13

@IvanaPee she said ". I guess I felt a little sad that they are doing EVERYTHING you possibly could do at Disney, some which I would have liked to do myself with him or we would probably save up to do over several trips. "

Hence me assuming the kids are going to Disney...

Bluntness100 · 20/06/2019 18:15

So it's a Disney themed party in a posh hotel.

This is what it seems, yes.

can guarantee in real life they'd balk if their DC was invited to such a party

Daftest statement on the thread, 🤣🤣🤣🤣

nancy75 · 20/06/2019 18:16

leasedaudi yes that’s what I thought too, but surely nobody is daft enough to take loads of kids on holiday if they don’t have to? Grin

ALLMYSmellySocks · 20/06/2019 18:20

@Bluntness100

Not at all daft. As well as the party sounding a bit crass and not necessarily one the kids would like most people I know would roll their eyes at such a party. I've seen threads on here complaining about people doing "show off party bags" and everyone chiming in to say OP was unreasonable in giving so much as it would create pressure for other parents. Some people even said they would avoid inviting "show off" child to their party because they couldn't reciprocate.

Bluntness100 · 20/06/2019 18:22

Smelly socks, I don't know what you're on about, but I don't know anyone who wouldn't want their young kid to go to a friends Disney party at a hotel and would prefer they miss out.

I'm really not seeing the issue, kids don't know the cost of something. It's parents like the op who have issues.

WindsweptEgret · 20/06/2019 18:46

The impact of show off parents is real. Poorer people in countries with greater income inequality spend more, buy more things they don't need and feel the need to do more, than in countries that are more equal. People do make comparisons, and conspicuous consumption by a few can raise the socially accepted standards, leading to over consumption and more waste.

codemonkey · 20/06/2019 18:48

Don't send your kid to private school if ostentatious displays of wealth bother you.

Humble brag. Yawn.

UserName31456789 · 20/06/2019 18:49

I'm really not seeing the issue, kids don't know the cost of something. It's parents like the op who have issues.

No one is genuinely that naive. The kids aren't as stupid as you pretend to be. Having ridiculous parties obviously raises expectations. When my DC changed to a prep school their expectations definitely changed from a living room or church hall and a few games to the entire class in a pay per head venue. If someone has a huge party in a hotel with a thousand disney characters I wouldn't stop my kids going but would definitely roll my eyes as would most other parents I know.
I'm sure the kids would have enjoyed a normal party just as much - but the next party in a church hall will definitely not seem the same.

BottleOfJameson · 20/06/2019 18:51

YANBU OP. Ostentatious displays of wealth aren't good for kids and do affect expectations. WE had one not so excessive but quite OTT party at DC's school and I heard kids questioning lack of XYZ at the next one, they do definitely notice. Luckily if it's just one family it won't become the norm.

TSSDNCOP · 20/06/2019 18:52

most people I know would roll their eyes at such a party

Most people I know would think it was fabulous, be thrilled to be invited, thoroughly enjoy it and politely thank the hosts.

Different strokes.

MaryPopppins · 20/06/2019 18:54

So am I right in understanding this?

The parents are taking a group of children to a foreign country for a birthday party?

Sorry but my kids would need to be a teen and me be close to the family if I was to let foreign travel to happen.

If they're just renting a posh hotel and getting characters there then great! That'll be awesome for the kids.

But children's birthday parties shouldn't involve passports....

ReganSomerset · 20/06/2019 19:02

I really don't understand. So they're doing everything you could do at Disney? As PP said, if they're effectively taking them on holiday it would be a no from me.

Rowennaravenclaw · 20/06/2019 19:11

What you’re missing is they aren’t doing it to treat YOUR son, they’re doig it to treat THEIR son!
Their son would have a rubbish time at Disney on his own, and it’s not his fault if his friends’ families happen to be less well off.
There is not need to reciprocate here. They want to take their son to Disney and are willing to pay extra to have his mates there because it will make him happy. They’re not going to expect you take their son on holiday in return.

Unclench and let him go

Bluntness100 · 20/06/2019 19:18

Blimey. No one is going to Disney. It's a Disney themed party at s hotel.

yourestandingonmyneck · 20/06/2019 19:26

I think this is getting a lot of contrasting opinions because it is so ridiculously vague.

What is it OP; a Disney themed party in a hotel or a trip to Disney in Orlando?

If it's a Disney themed party in a hotel, I think you're being ridiculous saying he can do "everything you can do at Disney" (nope!) and also struggling to see how it could cost a years school fees (£10k?£20k). Either way, no, I do not see a problem with it. You're not paying to attend so what does it matter how much it costs?

If it's Disney in Orlando that would be ana amazing experience with his friends and I would be thrilled for him to have been invited. Again, cost wouldn't come into it for me. But I would have questions around the logistics and childcare etc.

MaryPopppins · 20/06/2019 19:30

If it's a Disney themed party then OP is being verrrrrrry dramatic saying they're "doing everything" she wanted to do with her DC at Disney?

Rides? Parades? Shows? Meals?

That's why I assumed it was a trip to Disney.

yourestandingonmyneck · 20/06/2019 19:30

....upon re-reading your posts and seeing the mention of party bags being a contributor to costs I cannot see how this could be a trip to Florida; the cost of party bags would pale in comparison to that.

However, you also say that you would have no problem with a sleepover in a posh hotel....so it can't be just a themed party in a hotel then or you wouldn't have a problem with it?

Too cryptic for me, I'm done.

Dippypippy1980 · 20/06/2019 19:30

Are hey taking him overnight to Disneyland Paris?

I’m sorry I’m lost here😊

MaryPopppins · 20/06/2019 19:35

An overnight to DLP is a possibility.

But.

Even the suites only sleep a maximum of 5 or 6. Most suites actually only 4 and there are a few family rooms dotted around.

So they'd need adults to fill the rooms.

I just can't see it being feasible?

Sceptre86 · 20/06/2019 19:39

It sounds amazing however I would not send my kids abroad without me (or trusted family) until they are adult age and can make their own choices. Yes it will be a wonderful party. Some parents do like to go the extra mile/ over the top towards their kids parties but as long as they can afford it what is the problem. They shouldn't have to worry about what anyone else's parents might think.

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