Feeling uncomfortable about amount spent on classmates birthday party

[Worstparty]

I've name changed as basically I think this is very identifying as I can't imagine anyone else at all doing this... I'm keeping details obscure (sorry) because Daily Mail.

DS has been invited to a birthday party which I consider hugely (actually grossly) expensive. From what I can fathom the whole thing including 'party bags' is coming to a cost equivalent to a years school fees. We aren't at a 'destination' private school and most parents are fairly ordinary, although does include some 'rich, rich' families but I've never felt any huge difference between families.

How would you handle this? We are really not well off and the party is something we would do as a once a year holiday. I feel very uncomfortable as every other child's party is going to seem bad in comparison. My feeling is to explain to DS that we aren't as well off and wouldn't choose to spend our money like that. I feel like this amazing party is actually going to rob the joy from the whole class for the year.

My ds has been to all sorts of parties. Some very adventurous and expensive.
Every year when l asked him what he wanted to do he looked at me like l had 2 heads. What did l think? Ask everyone overl for a game of football in the garden..( we have a biggish garden) ...what he had done every year since 4. Why was l even asking?
He is grown now but l think he would be happy to still have that party.
No joy will be stolen from your child. Every party is fun. And l bet of you ask him for his best party memories in ten years time he will say the day we all rolled down the hill or some such amazing thrill.
Go with the party. Make no fuss and life goes on.

I agree with @Barbie222 . We are surrounded by a mix of everyday people and crazy crazy crazy wealth (expats). We are locally employed and not so well off.

The most successful activity I have ever seen? Salt dough. The kids who have loads of money rarely get to enjoy the simple and easier things in life, so honestly, don't sweat it.

I am not sure you need to say anything to your son unless he asks. Let him go, take a normal present, if your son has a party invite the friend and just go from there.

Our child was an only one for many years and because I only had one (and desperately wanted another) I would hold quite big parties for my child. Not expensive but big, as in quite a few people.

Now both kids are out of the party stage it's outings and we spend what we can afford. I would never think another parents' party choice was wrong (unless it was not age appropriate) because you never know what may be going on in the background.

What a nonsensical thread.

This made me laugh though:-

"Best idea I've heard of was my dgc..... All children brought a gently used book and took a different one home."

The kind of party and gifting that ADULTS self congratulate and pat themselves on the back for while the kids are . What on earth is wrong with a child having a massive party and getting lots of stuff just once or twice in their lives? It soon stops believe me.

YABU. It’s your own comparing and judging fuelling your reaction. Unless DS directly asks you “can I have a party like that?”, why would u start such a conversation with him? If ur right & it’s truly going to ruin everyone’s year, the parents woefully comparing to their DC party - well really, lucky you & time for a bigger concern.

It's not the party parents robbing joy here....

Ludicrous. How will a child know the meaning of the real world. If the parents are that rich then they can pay. I presume that you want your child to be normal? Well balanced, know the real value in this world? Then your child needs this explaining.

OP I think you are wealthy or bankrupting yourself. The whole thread is silly. Real people don't think like you.

Children will come across differences in every aspect of their life’s. For example we lived in a small terraced house with a small garden when my DCs were little, but they went for play dates at different homes; some were huge with big gardens, gorgeous bedrooms etc. Same with holidays; we often went on coastal holidays in the U.K., but some of their friends would go on three holidays a year to exotic far flung places. That’s life I’m afraid.

Ridiculous

OP we need more info!! Is it a Disney themed party in a hotel??

@CarolDanvers I completely agree! I can totally imagine their wee faces

By choosing the school you have chosen the environment they experience. If you are troubled then it's time to start explaining the realities of the world but be careful with your "we are not well off" - there is a wide world out there and affording PS does not make you poor even if at the 'poor' end of your private school world. Children enjoy all sorts of parties. My only concern would be adequate supervision if a large group at a park for prep school age.

Is it Amir Khan’s daughters party? Looks awful on snapchat really excessive and tacky

Hi- been there- no problem as some parents stupidly feel the need to do it- that’s their problem you certainly don’t need to follow suite

Don't be ridiculous.

You're comparing, not your child.

We had all kinds of parties. Let your child enjoy it.

You won't need to tell them that you're not in that economic strata; it will be obvious.

It will be something that your dc regales their friends with into adulthood if it's terrific.

Remember: love and family beats money any day.

I teach in a prep school. Lots of the children go on holiday to places like Dubai, Mexico, Seychelles etc but during one show & tell after a holiday, every child in my class were jealous of the little boys who went to Butlins. Children just don’t care l!

@IHeartKingThistle at least I'm not alone, I also get carried away making stuff for my kids parties, which are generally very low budget. I felt bad that I couldn't really afford to spend several hundred pounds on go karting, climbing, etc as some of my kids friends parents' have. However the other parents always say how much their kids love our parties as they are so original and they wouldn't have the patience to do them themselves. You don't have to spend the most to have the best parties. It doesn't always work out though, this year I was a bit gutted as my party plan went a bit tits up and was completely overshadowed by a friend's paintball party shortly after. I try to achieve what my kids ask for but they know it's generally quite low budget but they are usually pretty happy.

You never know with some extravagant looking parties, sometimes they are actually cheaper than they look if they are run by the parents company or other family members or they are calling in favours from family or friends/ corporate discounts etc. Sometimes they are just ridiculously rich or bankrupting themselves for silly oneupmanship. Enjoy it for what it is and relax.

Oooh @IHeartKingThistle please can you help me with party game ideas for a Harry potter party??

@devuskums yes but it's my 40th tomorrow so maybe in a couple of days!

@IHeartKingThistle happy birthday!! Hope your party is awesome look forward to your suggestions in a few days!!

Is it really any of your business? Plus wtf is a 'destination' private school? Only on mumsnet.....

I’d bloody love if my DC were invited to some of these parties

We are „busy“ when our neighbours daughter has her party. party bags are usually £15 upwards.... we also invite „school only“ to our party (they go to different schools ) as i don’t want to deal with a £50 present.