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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Pretty certain DH has forgotten my birthday

686 replies

BirthdayBlueSx · 19/06/2019 17:39

Today is my 30th birthday, I knew my DH was due to work today but if mine or his birthday fall on a weekday he usually takes a days holiday or at least a half day as a surprise and we go for lunch. He will usually say he can’t get time off and will suprise me in the morning or will come home early.

He hasn’t taken a half day as he didn’t come home at lunch but he’s just messaged saying he’s doing overtime until 8pm. Had a chat over messages and he’s not mentioned my birthday at all. I’m not going to remind him, if he’s forgotten so be it.

About 6 weeks ago he asked me to send a gift list to him. I did with links, a pair of shoes for £50 a bottle of spirt and a box of chocolates and said that he could get them in the local supermarket. He asked me to order the shoes so I did and put them unopened in his wardrobe.

On the weekend he told me not to expect anything for my birthday apart from the shoes as he’s not had time to get anything. Despite driving past the supermarket every single day and stopping for fuel at least twice a week.

I feel disappointed, my DHs 40th was last year and I got him some thoughtful gifts, organized a suprise meal with his family and close friends and took him on a city mini-break and sorted flights hotel and sports tickets so we could see a event he’s always wanted to see and even booked the time off without him knowing a thing.

My parents gave me a card with some money at the weekend and said they would sort something at a later date for a meal out as know doubt I would bust with either friends or DH and the kids.

None of my close friends have acknowledged it either, not even any plans later in the week. They have all had their big birthdays and we’ve done spa day, cream teas, and 2 weekends away.

AIBU to be a bit sad about it that no ones remembered?

OP posts:
HalyardHitch · 19/06/2019 19:43

I'm so hopeful he hasn't forgotten!!

LooUpdate · 19/06/2019 19:43

There's a surprise party coming tonight. I can feel it!!

WeeDangerousSpike · 19/06/2019 19:43

Ffs. A day doesn't go by without Facebook telling me it someone's birthday. There really is no excuse in these days of social media and calendars on our phones.

I had a shitty birthday too OP. DP got me a card, but nothing else. Our normal day out that we do each year he convinced me I was too poorly to do, and he's showing no sign of being even slightly interested in the unspecified weekend away I've asked for as a present when it became obvious he hadn't bought anything. Not even some chocolates.

It just makes you feel like they don't give a shit about you doesn't it? Like you're not worthy of their time or effort.

yawning801 · 19/06/2019 19:44

Happy birthday!

Crinkle77 · 19/06/2019 19:44

LadyWho did you read the original post?

GraceMarks · 19/06/2019 19:45

But if you discussed it at the weekend, and he said he wasn't getting you anything else, I don't see how he can have forgotten. I think it's more likely that he knows it's your birthday but he thinks that he's "done" it by paying for the shoes. He has already announced his non-intention to bother - I'm afraid he sounds very thoughtless. Enjoy your takeaway and don't save him any!

WellErrr · 19/06/2019 19:45

Happy birthday xx

BloodyhellMartha · 19/06/2019 19:47

Happy Birthday. I'd be upset too. How old are the DC and have they got you anything?

I hope you've eaten your takeaway by the way - I wouldn't be ordering for him as well.

Let him get in to no food and then say 'I didn't feel like cooking for you on my Birthday'.

Oysterbabe · 19/06/2019 19:48

Happy birthday. Sorry your husband is an arse.

baubled · 19/06/2019 19:49

Is there going to be some mass arrival at your front door at 8? It seems strange that he would normally go over the top with money yet on your 30th he's completely forgotten,as have all your friends- especially when you did so much for his 40th.

Have you got any banners in the house from previous birthdays/balloons? If so I would be sticking them up and watching his face if he really has forgotten.

Plipplopbop · 19/06/2019 19:49

Happy birthday OP. Mine too today but a decrepit 46! I'm in jimjams and about to drink wine, but DH did remember, though usually forgets! Hope it's a surprise party but still a miserable day. Cake

Phoningliz · 19/06/2019 19:49

What are you going to say when he gets in?

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 19/06/2019 19:50

This has honestly made me feel so sad and quite depressed as it's my 30th later this year and I can imagine my friends and family behaving similar (although not DH tbf. He leaves things until the last minute but does try his best!).

A couple of years ago my mum phoned me on the morning of my birthday. Chatted for a few minutes then asked to borrow some money 😂 it was a good hour after the phone call that she text me and apologised for forgetting. Still really upset me though!

Happy Birthday OP FlowersCake

NeverTalksToStrangers · 19/06/2019 19:50

Totally shit for you OP. If there's no surprise this evening I would be fuming.

Myotherusernameisshy · 19/06/2019 19:51

Happy birthday! I have everything crossed for a surprise for you.

Sicario · 19/06/2019 19:51

Happy Birthday!

Sounds like your DH has been a useless, thoughtless shit-for-brains lazy bastard regarding your birthday. I think quite a lot of us have one of those. But for your 30th? I would be plotting some terrible revenge and definitely booking myself in somewhere for a treat.

LadyWho · 19/06/2019 19:52

Everyone calm down. I already posted that I didn't properly read the OP!

I'm sorry! Your DH is a douche! Thanks

Delatron · 19/06/2019 19:53

Well it’s nearly 8pm. When will you confront him? Are you waiting until he gets home?
Unless he’s told you to get dressed up on the pretence of something else then I can’t see how a surprise party can be happening

lavenderlove · 19/06/2019 19:55

Happy birthday! 🎈🎂

Even if there is a surprise when he gets home, I still think he's really mean not to have not even wished you a happy birthday all day! Also I wouldn't be acknowledging his or any of your friends future birthdays.

UrsulaPandress · 19/06/2019 19:56

Aw no. I was hoping by the time I got to the end of the thread you would have been wonderfully surprised

DH forgot my birthday. Once.

Happy Birthday

hiccupgate · 19/06/2019 19:56

Happy 30th birthday! Enjoy your takeaway 🥳

Xmr1986 · 19/06/2019 19:56

Don't even dare give him any of your takeaway op!! Not a drop!

wineandcatsandlego · 19/06/2019 19:57

.

Aarghhelpplease · 19/06/2019 19:57

I really hope he has remembered OP, but I don’t understand why you are now being so passive. it’s 8 o clock please don’t spend the rest of your birthday upset. Choose some treat things that you like to do- take away, red wine and bar of choc watching what you want to on the sofa. Not ideal but under the circumstances please make the most of the rest of today.

Happy Birthday

Crunchymum · 19/06/2019 19:58

Happy Birthday OP.

He knew it was your birthday at the weekend as he told you he hadn't got you anything? And prior to that you've given him a gift list?

Do you really think he's forgotten from 3 days ago?????