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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Pretty certain DH has forgotten my birthday

686 replies

BirthdayBlueSx · 19/06/2019 17:39

Today is my 30th birthday, I knew my DH was due to work today but if mine or his birthday fall on a weekday he usually takes a days holiday or at least a half day as a surprise and we go for lunch. He will usually say he can’t get time off and will suprise me in the morning or will come home early.

He hasn’t taken a half day as he didn’t come home at lunch but he’s just messaged saying he’s doing overtime until 8pm. Had a chat over messages and he’s not mentioned my birthday at all. I’m not going to remind him, if he’s forgotten so be it.

About 6 weeks ago he asked me to send a gift list to him. I did with links, a pair of shoes for £50 a bottle of spirt and a box of chocolates and said that he could get them in the local supermarket. He asked me to order the shoes so I did and put them unopened in his wardrobe.

On the weekend he told me not to expect anything for my birthday apart from the shoes as he’s not had time to get anything. Despite driving past the supermarket every single day and stopping for fuel at least twice a week.

I feel disappointed, my DHs 40th was last year and I got him some thoughtful gifts, organized a suprise meal with his family and close friends and took him on a city mini-break and sorted flights hotel and sports tickets so we could see a event he’s always wanted to see and even booked the time off without him knowing a thing.

My parents gave me a card with some money at the weekend and said they would sort something at a later date for a meal out as know doubt I would bust with either friends or DH and the kids.

None of my close friends have acknowledged it either, not even any plans later in the week. They have all had their big birthdays and we’ve done spa day, cream teas, and 2 weekends away.

AIBU to be a bit sad about it that no ones remembered?

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 19/06/2019 19:58

Message 'Love the working late excuse - so excited for my birthday surprise! Hurry home as I can't wait to open my presents. Presume you are bringing dinner?'

QueenofallIsee · 19/06/2019 19:59

Happy birthday lovely OP....do not smother your feelings, tell him how hurt and sad you are that he has made no effort or even a birthday hug

Delatron · 19/06/2019 20:00

I think it’s time to call him and see if something can be salvaged?

mummymeister · 19/06/2019 20:00

I dont care how stressful his job is.
I dont care how busy he has been at work.

its really very easy to set alarms on your phone so you remember people's birthday. it takes 30 seconds to order a book or some flowers or nice chocolates on Amazon for them to arrive the next day. That is how bloody easy it is these days. There is NO excuse. NONE. he didnt wish you happy birthday this morning and he would just rather you carry on being nice to him and organising his hobby and social life whilst he pays scant regard to your feelings. Make him cancel his hobby weekend to look after your children whilst you go away. Dont go easy on him and accept the apology because that is not enough - not by a long way. The word i hate the most in the English Language is "sorry" because people say it with no meaning behind it and its just easy. its about his actions now and not his words. i hope you enjoy your takeaway and wish MN had some sort of mobile flashmob that they could send out in situations like this to cheer you up and make you feel valued.

WallisFrizz · 19/06/2019 20:00

Are you at home together now? What’s going on?

At any point throughout the day have you raised if with him so he could rectify his massive fuck up.

The only thing I would say is that if you continually downplay your birthday year after year, people will start to think it’s not a big deal for you.

BettysLeftTentacle · 19/06/2019 20:05

This is horrible. I’ll hold out hope that there is some sort of surprise when he walks through the door though. It’s so cruel to leave someone having a shit day on their birthday purpose though. The surprise would have to be pretty amazing to make up for that Sad

Notnownotneverever · 19/06/2019 20:05

Hopefully he’s just genuinely forgotten and will try and make it up to you. I hope your evening improves.
Maybe just take the shoes out of his wardrobe and put them on his side of the bed as a reminder? Or perhaps just ask him for them later and see what he does?

mummymeister · 19/06/2019 20:08

Put the shoes in the bin. whatever they cost, you wont want to wear them now anyway. or send them back.

MairzyDoats · 19/06/2019 20:15

Happy birthday OP. I feel terrible for you, its a big birthday and he should be spoiling you rotten as should your friends. I hope he grovels for forgiveness!!

Ironmanrocks · 19/06/2019 20:16

I bet he has got mixed up and thinks it's tomorrow.....Happy birthday!x

couchparsnip · 19/06/2019 20:17

Put the shoes on the bin!! What planet are you on where you can waste a pair of shoes?
Happy Birthday OP. He owes you big for this if he has forgotten.

notatwork · 19/06/2019 20:20

Happy Birthday Flowers

User67836 · 19/06/2019 20:23

My dh forgot and ignored my 30th even when I had arranged a family party. I didn't speak to him all day and just put a brave face on it while everyone was here. Once they left, I sat him down asked what on earth had happened and explained how it made feel. He's been really good since!

spanishwife · 19/06/2019 20:25

The only thing I would say is that if you continually downplay your birthday year after year, people will start to think it’s not a big deal for you.

Yup, this is true.

You can't be upset that your friends haven't done a lot, when you haven't organised anything to give them a chance to!

Redwinestillfine · 19/06/2019 20:25

Happy 30th birthday op. I hope he hasn't forgotten. If he has don't just brush it under the carpet. Let him know he hurt you.

Kyogre · 19/06/2019 20:25

I think it is mean of him to forget but I don’t understand why you haven’t said anything to him earlier. I’d have said something a few days ago, and yesterday and in the morning when he didn’t wish you happy birthday. Its as though you are trying to make it worse than it is.

I also don’t understand why you’ve left everything up to your friends to arrange something. Have you got your birthday on Facebook?

PeoniesarePink · 19/06/2019 20:25

I'd put the shoes on and be sat wearing them for when he gets in!

HerondaleDucks · 19/06/2019 20:26

Happy Birthday OP. I hope he's bluffing and pulled all the stops when he gets home.

nothingtowearever · 19/06/2019 20:26

Happy birthday OP. What a shit! Is he home yet?

madmother1 · 19/06/2019 20:27

Has he arrived home yet? I'm so hurt for you! I'd be giving him merry hell.

Rachierach11 · 19/06/2019 20:28

Happy birthday! What time do you expect him home? Hope he's got something good planned and isn't actually awful

Jacksmadre · 19/06/2019 20:29

Happy Birthday Op🥳 I hope he’s got something planned for you

AutumnCrow · 19/06/2019 20:29

I'm not a birthday person at all but that's my choice. What's happened to you, OP, sounds hurtful and a bit odd tbh. Flowers

SnaccidentsHappen · 19/06/2019 20:31

Happy birthday, I would b furious at the fact that it comes across as if it doesn't matter. It does

BirthdayBlueSx · 19/06/2019 20:31

He should be home soon.

If he has forgot, WWYD? Do I tell him, wait until tomorrow? Get the shoes out and wear them? I don’t know.

I ordered a Chinese, me and the kids enjoyed it. None left, but he will have eaten at work.

OP posts:
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