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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Pretty certain DH has forgotten my birthday

686 replies

BirthdayBlueSx · 19/06/2019 17:39

Today is my 30th birthday, I knew my DH was due to work today but if mine or his birthday fall on a weekday he usually takes a days holiday or at least a half day as a surprise and we go for lunch. He will usually say he can’t get time off and will suprise me in the morning or will come home early.

He hasn’t taken a half day as he didn’t come home at lunch but he’s just messaged saying he’s doing overtime until 8pm. Had a chat over messages and he’s not mentioned my birthday at all. I’m not going to remind him, if he’s forgotten so be it.

About 6 weeks ago he asked me to send a gift list to him. I did with links, a pair of shoes for £50 a bottle of spirt and a box of chocolates and said that he could get them in the local supermarket. He asked me to order the shoes so I did and put them unopened in his wardrobe.

On the weekend he told me not to expect anything for my birthday apart from the shoes as he’s not had time to get anything. Despite driving past the supermarket every single day and stopping for fuel at least twice a week.

I feel disappointed, my DHs 40th was last year and I got him some thoughtful gifts, organized a suprise meal with his family and close friends and took him on a city mini-break and sorted flights hotel and sports tickets so we could see a event he’s always wanted to see and even booked the time off without him knowing a thing.

My parents gave me a card with some money at the weekend and said they would sort something at a later date for a meal out as know doubt I would bust with either friends or DH and the kids.

None of my close friends have acknowledged it either, not even any plans later in the week. They have all had their big birthdays and we’ve done spa day, cream teas, and 2 weekends away.

AIBU to be a bit sad about it that no ones remembered?

OP posts:
TheWernethWife · 19/06/2019 19:32

You now know what to do about his birthdays in the future, nothing.

SickOfBeingFat · 19/06/2019 19:33

Happy birthday!

ScottishDiblet · 19/06/2019 19:33

Happy 30th birthday! I’m so sorry your husband appears to have forgotten. I would be gutted. Can you lie awake until midnight tonight and at 12.01 tell him he has officially missed your birthday to make him feel awful?
My now DH ruined my 30th by giving me a beautiful ring then, on seeing the delight and excitement in my face, followed it with “it’s not an engagement ring”. HUGS. FlowersWine

Herocomplex · 19/06/2019 19:34

Do people really have surprise birthday parties on Wednesday nights? Sounds like a really mean thing to do, leave someone miserable and uncelebrated all day!
Are the kids really little? I’d have done a lovely birthday tea with if I’d have been in your shoes. I’d certainly be half way down a bottle of Dom Perignon by the time he got home, with several treats in the online shopping basket of my favourite shop.
🥳 Happy Birthday! X

Pebbles16 · 19/06/2019 19:34

Happy birthday OP. I feel really sad about your post. I am really hoping you get a lovely surprise (but I am an eternal optimist)

Wingingit9212 · 19/06/2019 19:34

Happy Birthday! Everything crossed that he hasn't forgotten and has ana amazing surprise. But if not, you deserve way more Han a £50 pair of shoes and some chocolate!
I'd get browsing, and if nothing at the end of the day, just text him your wish list with the middle finger emoji... 🤷🏼‍♀️

TheWernethWife · 19/06/2019 19:34

And if its left up to you to sort out cards for his family then leave all that to him, I'm sure they will give him a hard time f he "forgets".

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 19/06/2019 19:35

Very poor if he’s really not done anything. Why are you sorting out his weekend away?

HoneysuckIejasmine · 19/06/2019 19:36

What takeaway did you order? Happy birthday!

pointythings · 19/06/2019 19:36

My DH forgot my 30th. I never let him forget it. Not in a mean way, but no way did he get away with it. Don't let yours get away with it either. He needs to grovel massively.

LadyWho · 19/06/2019 19:36

I never understand these posts. Surely you mentioned your birthday in the past month or so? Or have you said nothing just so you could sulk and feel like the wounded party when he inevitably forgot?

How do people not mention this kind of stuff in day to day conversation? If it's important, you talk about it, right?

No sympathy from me unless you've mentioned it and he still forgot.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/06/2019 19:37

Happy birthday!! As for your friends, do they or their partners organise their parties? I’m sure your friends would have remembered had you done the same.

Itsnotme123 · 19/06/2019 19:37

Ask him if he has early onset of dementia !

LadyWho · 19/06/2019 19:37

Christ I shouldn't have scanned the OP. Blush
Ignore my first response. Your DH is a douchebag.

TheInvestigator · 19/06/2019 19:37

@LadyWho
He told her at the weekend that he hasn't bothered to get her anything so the only gift she'd have would be the one she ordered herself. They've talked about it. Then the day came today, and he's said and done nothing.

ThatCurlyGirl · 19/06/2019 19:38

Ah OP this is rubbish I'm so sorry 😥

I'd be really sad and hurt too so have no constructive advice but wanted to say you aren't being silly to be upset about this.

Poor you - hope you can treat yourself somehow tonight or this weekend. If he's got something booked maybe he could plan something nice for you to do / enjoy while he's away - a bit of me time and pampering?

Sorry again OP Thanks

Belenus · 19/06/2019 19:38

Happy birthday OP. Even people who don't really do birthdays should be given some acknowledgement of birthdays ending in zero.

simplekindoflife · 19/06/2019 19:38

So sorry OP. Happy birthday! CakeThanks

You say all the expense and extravagance is not your thing so maybe everyone has assumed you didn't want a fuss? Does not excuse anyone forgetting at all but I wondered if they all just badly judged the situation rather than just being utter ratbags??

Enjoy your takeaway op and organise something lovely soon.

cinders15 · 19/06/2019 19:38

Hi OP
For my 60th my DH promised me a string of pearls.
I'm still waiting
I organised (and paid for) lunch at Cliveden for me, DH, DD and DDs boyfriend for my 60th and 61st - no offer of money at all
I even have to buy my own Christmas present or I don't get one
Very rarely am I paid back
So stuff him!!!! I'd get a bottle of champagne and drink it yourself!!

mommybear1 · 19/06/2019 19:39

Happy Birthday OP ThanksCakeGinI like the pp idea of a bottle of champagne to yourself Wink

BirthdayBlueSx · 19/06/2019 19:40

Song that’s awful. Yes totally agree with the friends wanting a fanfare that’s why it’s just not me. My closet friend milked her 30th and was taken out for lunch and tea pretty much solid for 3 weeks. Constant Facebook check ins at restaurants “celebrating my 30th”

Yes usually my friends message me on the day, after spotting it on Facebook. A few usually put a card through the door.

We did chat about plans a few weeks ago and I said I would love to go for a afternoon tea with him. That didn’t materialise tho.

No, he’s not even said happy birthday. That’s why I’m pretty certain he’s forgotten. He’s usually on the ball with birthdays and normally spends too much.

OP posts:
spanishwife · 19/06/2019 19:40

I really hope there's a nice surprise at the end of this OP.. or a BIIIIIG grovel coming your way

RogueV · 19/06/2019 19:41

Happy Birthday 🥳 🎁 🎂

CookPassBabtridge · 19/06/2019 19:42

If he's usually good at birthdays, it maybe sounds like he's stressed or something going on? He isn't the usual serial forgetter like you see on here all the time.

timeisnotaline · 19/06/2019 19:42

I’m sorry op. Happy birthday. If he’s actually forgotten tbh I’d cancel his hotel booking. Let him do it himself. I’d tell him I did that for him before i got the memo that we don’t do caring things for each other in this marriage.

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