Pretty certain DH has forgotten my birthday

[BirthdayBlueSx]

Today is my 30th birthday, I knew my DH was due to work today but if mine or his birthday fall on a weekday he usually takes a days holiday or at least a half day as a surprise and we go for lunch. He will usually say he can’t get time off and will suprise me in the morning or will come home early.

He hasn’t taken a half day as he didn’t come home at lunch but he’s just messaged saying he’s doing overtime until 8pm. Had a chat over messages and he’s not mentioned my birthday at all. I’m not going to remind him, if he’s forgotten so be it.

About 6 weeks ago he asked me to send a gift list to him. I did with links, a pair of shoes for £50 a bottle of spirt and a box of chocolates and said that he could get them in the local supermarket. He asked me to order the shoes so I did and put them unopened in his wardrobe.

On the weekend he told me not to expect anything for my birthday apart from the shoes as he’s not had time to get anything. Despite driving past the supermarket every single day and stopping for fuel at least twice a week.

I feel disappointed, my DHs 40th was last year and I got him some thoughtful gifts, organized a suprise meal with his family and close friends and took him on a city mini-break and sorted flights hotel and sports tickets so we could see a event he’s always wanted to see and even booked the time off without him knowing a thing.

My parents gave me a card with some money at the weekend and said they would sort something at a later date for a meal out as know doubt I would bust with either friends or DH and the kids.

None of my close friends have acknowledged it either, not even any plans later in the week. They have all had their big birthdays and we’ve done spa day, cream teas, and 2 weekends away.

AIBU to be a bit sad about it that no ones remembered?

I'm sorry this has happened.

If this was me I would be seriously be rethinking my relationship with him. Especially as his behaviour has changed so much recently.

From what you have written it sounds like he doing everything he can not to be at home. The sudden overtime, the new hobby which takes him out the home for hours at a time.

He doesn't get to will, he's the one that fucked up. OP I hope you have a much nicer day today doing something you love x

Sorry OP ..

I would be looking more into his new hobby .. He in my opinion has gotten into it way too quickly and intensely .. I would be taken a closer look into it ..

That’s just me 🤷🏻‍♀️

Any further update OP?

Will = sulk

He’s trying to gaslight you by sulking. Do not give into it. I’d be cancelling his weekend away as well & tell him you were doing something as a family or going with him. His reaction will be interesting.

I can't imagine how, in this day and age, he could forget your birthday.

I don't think you can unless on some level you want to. As pp have said he was preparing to forget it by telling the OP he was only getting her the shoes, and he didn't really get them. Sorry OP.

Can people please stop with the "oh it's cycling isn't it. They're wankers". It happens on every thread like this whether anyone knows what it actually is or not. It might be, it might not. Every thread someone says "oh it's cycling", everyone takes it as gospel and so the next thread like it it begins again, "oh it's cycling, it's always cycling, it was last time", whether or not anyone confirms this.

I cycle for transport. I find it quite alarming, though also illuminating as it explains their actions, that I'm sharing the roads with people who have this attitude. Yes, the OP's husband might be cycling. But a wanker is a wanker, no matter what his hobby.

Ahhhh, I was really hoping he’d planned a big surprise. What a selfish knob. I’d be so upset.

Gfgvvh

He sounds just like my ex husband. Note the ex. It's the blame passing that pissed me off more than anything for you. This won't get better OP. It's a mindset and it pervades everything. I hope you have a better day today but you really have some thinking to do.

Given the behaviour/attitude change, and sudden increase of hobby etc, I wouldn't dismiss the possibility of another woman in the picture, especially if it's a club or group activity. The pictures could be to allay suspicion.

Justifiable homicide right there, OP.

Argh @BirthdayBlueSx I’m gutted for you can you do something nice with the DC’s at the weekend? I’m not sure if you said how old they are but I think I’d be taking mine for afternoon tea and the theatre or something a but luxurious.

Sorry op but he's either having an affair or hoping to start one (probably with someone he's met at the hobby!)

Either way you deserve so much better.

Sadly I think so too leek

I think it sounds like he's planning a surprise?!

Sorry I did NOT read this to the end

@LeekMunchingSheepShagger Sorry op but he's either having an affair or hoping to start one (probably with someone he's met at the hobby!)

Ok so we've all established he's a dick, but why are we now jumping to the conclusion of an affair? Way to make the poor woman feel paranoid...

People do just genuinely forget things, you know. Please don't use this to make the OP feel more terrible than she already does.

Late to the party but happy belated birthday 🍰 🥳 🎈 x

I don't think he did forget. I think he just couldn't be bothered. Whichever way you look at it, he's a massive twat. On finding out how disappointed the op was he should have been apologetic and promising to make up for it not sulking like a guilty teen.

How are you feeling today, OP?

This thread is a great example of why people should RTFT before posting. Sometimes not doing so just makes you look silly, or irritates people because you’re repeating what has already been said 100 times. But sometimes it can be really hurtful to someone who is already hurting.

He’s messaged me and apologized for being a twat and blaming me. He’s stressed at work. But it seems to have now dawned on him he’s fucked up. He has said he is taking me out tonight and has booked somewhere.

In other news, I opened my shoes and there damaged on the heel so they are going to have to go back today, I’m just hoping the accept them back as it’s over the 30 days.

Yes it’s cycling. The constant bike rides, the events the bloody shows looking at more bikes. As I said it’s a relatively new hobby but it’s causing quite a few arguments already.

I’m still absolutely fuming over the lack of effort. It wasn’t hard to book a table as it’s all done online. Everything’s done online. I get him more treats in the supermarket shop than he’s got for me.

Bloody cycling! Do you get the equivalent leisure time?

Really sorry you had such a shit birthday OP. There really is no excuse for forgetting your birthday. It's one date to remember.

My DH has the worst memory and I don't think he remembers any dates apart from my birthday and our anniversary. He has never once in 40 years forgotten either of them.