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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Pretty certain DH has forgotten my birthday

686 replies

BirthdayBlueSx · 19/06/2019 17:39

Today is my 30th birthday, I knew my DH was due to work today but if mine or his birthday fall on a weekday he usually takes a days holiday or at least a half day as a surprise and we go for lunch. He will usually say he can’t get time off and will suprise me in the morning or will come home early.

He hasn’t taken a half day as he didn’t come home at lunch but he’s just messaged saying he’s doing overtime until 8pm. Had a chat over messages and he’s not mentioned my birthday at all. I’m not going to remind him, if he’s forgotten so be it.

About 6 weeks ago he asked me to send a gift list to him. I did with links, a pair of shoes for £50 a bottle of spirt and a box of chocolates and said that he could get them in the local supermarket. He asked me to order the shoes so I did and put them unopened in his wardrobe.

On the weekend he told me not to expect anything for my birthday apart from the shoes as he’s not had time to get anything. Despite driving past the supermarket every single day and stopping for fuel at least twice a week.

I feel disappointed, my DHs 40th was last year and I got him some thoughtful gifts, organized a suprise meal with his family and close friends and took him on a city mini-break and sorted flights hotel and sports tickets so we could see a event he’s always wanted to see and even booked the time off without him knowing a thing.

My parents gave me a card with some money at the weekend and said they would sort something at a later date for a meal out as know doubt I would bust with either friends or DH and the kids.

None of my close friends have acknowledged it either, not even any plans later in the week. They have all had their big birthdays and we’ve done spa day, cream teas, and 2 weekends away.

AIBU to be a bit sad about it that no ones remembered?

OP posts:
Whoopstheregomyinsides · 19/06/2019 22:40

Him sulking is unbelievable. What an arse.
You deserve way better. He’s deflecting now from his awful behaviour. A card or takeout brought on way home would not be enough and he didn’t even do that. You poor love

mummymeister · 19/06/2019 22:42

Honestly I would be doing something that directly affects him and his enjoyment of life. Cancel his weekend. Please get cross don't let him wear you down.

AutumnCrow · 19/06/2019 22:43

Yeah, cycling crossed my mind too.

Antigonads · 19/06/2019 22:44

What a tosser. When DH forgot mine he started to make excuses about having already got me a very expensive present that I was already using and we had been out for a celebratory meal the previous weekend with family. But he did make an effort once he realised.

wildcherries · 19/06/2019 22:45

And the fact that you sorted out the practicalities for his weekend with the hobby. I can't get over how shit he is.

hotsouple · 19/06/2019 22:45

Please say its cycling so this can become a thread of cycling widows. I have some complaints lol

fluffygreenmonsterhoody · 19/06/2019 22:47

Sorry OP. Whatever you do, don’t accidentally reverse over his bike on your way to buy your own 🍷 and 🍫!

CaptainButtock · 19/06/2019 22:49

Of course it’s bloody cycling. It’s the new golf in terms of wankerness.
Happy Birthday OP...Spoil yourself 💐x

SunshineCake · 19/06/2019 22:49

Again, stupid advice to say show him the thread. The husband doesn't care about his wife's birthday, he certainly isn't going to care what a bunch of strangers think Hmm?

tobeforgotten · 19/06/2019 22:51

Another vote forcycling

Whatthefoxgoingon · 19/06/2019 22:51

Dear lord. Do you want to waste your 30s with this dickhead?

Peachesandcream14 · 19/06/2019 22:52

Oh OP he sounds horrible. You deserve so much more, and he can't be bothered with the bare minimum. Happy Birthday Flowers

CaptainPovey · 19/06/2019 22:53

Happy birthday!!!

FlowersFlowersFlowers

CakeCakeCake

WineWineWine

or

Gin Gin Gin

Or the whole lot!! Grin Grin

Throughthenever · 19/06/2019 22:54

OP I believe you mentioned you have children.

How old are they? If they are over 10 did they arrange a card or present for you? If they are younger I am assuming as your dh couldn't even pick up garage flowers for you he didn't get the kids to pick a present?

I would be demanding that he cancels this weekend and takes the kids so you can have a time out

FoxFoxSierra · 19/06/2019 22:55

Happy birthday! Sorry you've had such a crap day, your dh is a complete shit. I hope you have a lovely day out tomorrow and he comes to his senses and puts everything I to making it up to you.

I don't understand why everyone is having a go at thewernethwife, I read her comment as reassuring the op that she's not being unreasonable to expect a bit of a fuss Confused op has already said that her friends got really spoiled on their big birthdays so it's not like that comment was a big revelation that others get treated better

INeedAFlerken · 19/06/2019 22:58

Wow. He sounds like a selfish child. Happy to reap the gifts and attention on his birthday, especially his 40th, but it's your own fault for being disappointed for him doing fuck all and forgetting? Why, because you didn't remind him and buy all your gifts for you yourself?

He's an arse.

SOrry, OP. Happy Birthday.

redspider1 · 19/06/2019 23:01

Sorry OP. you have every right to feel thoroughly pissed off. Don't do anything for his next birthday so he knows how it feels.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 19/06/2019 23:07

Oh God, if it's cycling, I hope it's not that absolute knob who arranged to meet up with a nerdy cycling mate on the family holiday in France last year, and offered to take the friend's bike on the roof rack, meaning that the MNer and the kids couldn't take theirs.

But, back to the matter in hand... you realise that he arranged IN ADVANCE to ignore your birthday, when he told you he hadn't got you anything and nor was he planning on doing so. What sort of BASTARD thinks that's OK, and then SULKS when he's (quite mildly, under the circumstances), called out on it?

TheMistressQuickly · 19/06/2019 23:07

What a thoughtless shit.

I am so sorry. Did any of your friends make a fuss? Try to go out with someone this weekend and have a good time without him.

Appalling way to treat your wife.

Happy birthday OP xxx

TazzaRazza · 19/06/2019 23:08

Happy Birthday OP. It's my birthday today too and I got....a novelty mug from DH. I feel your pain.

dragonway · 19/06/2019 23:09

Wow. He’s sulking on your birthday? He stopped to buy himself beer on YOUR 30th birthday. Talk about selfish and uncaring. You must feel like a housemaid rather than loved right now. That’s just awful. If you worked for him you’d probably get a card and flowers! He’s really out of order here and it’s a worrying sign that he’s become so self absorbed to forget your special day. What’s the point of being with somebody if they treat you like that.

PCohle · 19/06/2019 23:11

How can he not have had time to sort out anything for your 30th?? It's a big birthday and he's had a fucking year's notice.

Why are men so massively dickish about hobbies? (And by hobbies I mean cycling really).

LazyLizzy · 19/06/2019 23:13

Selfish prick. I wouldn't hang around for my 31st birthday.

Sounds like it's not just birthday's he's giving up on.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 19/06/2019 23:22

The hobby has to be cycling.

Sorry for your shit birthday OP! Happy birthday!!

ohfourfoxache · 19/06/2019 23:24

What an absolute cunt Shock

I’d ignore every sodding birthday of his from now on, he clearly doesn’t appreciate you in any way Sad

(Actually, ever thought that your next big birthday could be spent with a much nicer man??)