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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Pretty certain DH has forgotten my birthday

686 replies

BirthdayBlueSx · 19/06/2019 17:39

Today is my 30th birthday, I knew my DH was due to work today but if mine or his birthday fall on a weekday he usually takes a days holiday or at least a half day as a surprise and we go for lunch. He will usually say he can’t get time off and will suprise me in the morning or will come home early.

He hasn’t taken a half day as he didn’t come home at lunch but he’s just messaged saying he’s doing overtime until 8pm. Had a chat over messages and he’s not mentioned my birthday at all. I’m not going to remind him, if he’s forgotten so be it.

About 6 weeks ago he asked me to send a gift list to him. I did with links, a pair of shoes for £50 a bottle of spirt and a box of chocolates and said that he could get them in the local supermarket. He asked me to order the shoes so I did and put them unopened in his wardrobe.

On the weekend he told me not to expect anything for my birthday apart from the shoes as he’s not had time to get anything. Despite driving past the supermarket every single day and stopping for fuel at least twice a week.

I feel disappointed, my DHs 40th was last year and I got him some thoughtful gifts, organized a suprise meal with his family and close friends and took him on a city mini-break and sorted flights hotel and sports tickets so we could see a event he’s always wanted to see and even booked the time off without him knowing a thing.

My parents gave me a card with some money at the weekend and said they would sort something at a later date for a meal out as know doubt I would bust with either friends or DH and the kids.

None of my close friends have acknowledged it either, not even any plans later in the week. They have all had their big birthdays and we’ve done spa day, cream teas, and 2 weekends away.

AIBU to be a bit sad about it that no ones remembered?

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 19/06/2019 22:18

So basically he prioritised himself and his hobby over your birthday

Oh I am so sorry OP what are you going to do now?

Alexandra54 · 19/06/2019 22:18

I find his behaviour not only shit, but utterly disrespectful.
I can't imagine how, in this day and age, he could forget your birthday.
If he knew he wasn't good with remembering dates, he could have written it in a diary/on a calendar/set a reminder on his phone.
I'd be considering my future with him, to be honest.

YouTheCat · 19/06/2019 22:19

What a twat.

billy1966 · 19/06/2019 22:19

He's a selfish waste of space.

You deserve more.

I would detach myself so far from him he wouldn't recognise me.

Clearly you are too good too him and for him.

Step way back and make his life a lot less comfortable.

Skittlesss · 19/06/2019 22:19

Sad I’m sorry to see that things didn’t turn out good. Defo treat yourself tomorrow, but I would be thinking about the relationship as a whole and whether I wanted to stay.

Nottheduchess · 19/06/2019 22:20

That’s crap. My OH was also crap on my 30th, he was much much better for my 40th. You have to let him know though, men will be oblivious to it.

crispysausagerolls · 19/06/2019 22:21

Please don’t take this shit

Herocomplex · 19/06/2019 22:21

I think you need to slow down with the LTB’s here. OP has had a crappy day, and just needs some support. He’s been a dickhead, and is obviously ashamed of himself, but making things worse by sulking.

GrassIsntGreener · 19/06/2019 22:22

@Alexandra54 Yes, it's the disrespect that would get to me.

Poor you op, I really feel for you.

Whisky2014 · 19/06/2019 22:23

Hes not thought about you. He doesn't care. Is this the standard you accept?

mummymeister · 19/06/2019 22:26

I know at the moment you probably feel completely flat but you need to get angry. Who cares what he does tomorrow its too little too late. Tell him now he needs to cancel this weekend and you should book something for you. Sorry but I also think there is more to this. I have read too many threads where men suddenly get a new all absorbing hobby, work late, forget key dates and generally behaving like a shit. He might not be actively cheating now but he is building up to it. I would start being much more aware of this possibility if I were you. Please don't let him get away with this. You are worth so much more.

Tiredemma · 19/06/2019 22:28

Wtf is it with these selfish bastard men and their "hobbies "?

AngeloMysterioso · 19/06/2019 22:28

Is the new hobby cycling by any chance?

sunshinefinally · 19/06/2019 22:28

Op I'm so sorry ur birthday has been forgotten about

Happy birthday x

PeoniesarePink · 19/06/2019 22:28

Wow, he's sulking Hmm

PremierNaps · 19/06/2019 22:30

Oh OP, happy birthday. I wonder why his hobby has turned him into an absolute shit. Go tomorrow and have a wonderful day by yourself to make up for it.

Rosemary46 · 19/06/2019 22:31

I’d also be reconsidering the whole relationship TBH. The more you write about him, the worse he sounds.

Bookworm4 · 19/06/2019 22:32

Is his hobby cycling? Seems to change men into utter wanks.

Oohgossip · 19/06/2019 22:33

I’m sorry but you don’t sounds anywhere near angry enough about this. Where’s your sense of self worth?? Has he ground you down? You deserve so much more than this surely?!

PregnantSea · 19/06/2019 22:33

This total lack of thought would really upset. I would find it very difficult to move past this.

BumandChips · 19/06/2019 22:35

He is sulking??

ButtonMoonLoon · 19/06/2019 22:38

You must be feeling so hurt and unappreciated.
It sounds to me as though he’s got his priorities all wrong.
It’s crap enough that he didn’t acknowledge your birthday himself, but not to support your children in making it special for you is totally crap. He’s missed an opportunity to teach them something about making someone feeling special.
I hope you can do something nice tomorrow or make some evening plans. Can you rally a few friends together and go out? I’d be telling him that you’re going out and that he needs to be home by a certain time.

HermioneKipper · 19/06/2019 22:39

Happy birthday OP! FlowersFlowers Sorry your DH has been rubbish. Glad you had a good Chinese. Stuff him and have a nice day tomorrow x

hotsouple · 19/06/2019 22:40

Is his hobby fucking cycling? That shit is the devil as far as husbands and boyfriends go.

CadburysTastesVileNow · 19/06/2019 22:40

I'd be out of the house before him at the weekend. Leave him holding the fort and the children while you enjoy some time away. Stuff his hobby