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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Pretty certain DH has forgotten my birthday

686 replies

BirthdayBlueSx · 19/06/2019 17:39

Today is my 30th birthday, I knew my DH was due to work today but if mine or his birthday fall on a weekday he usually takes a days holiday or at least a half day as a surprise and we go for lunch. He will usually say he can’t get time off and will suprise me in the morning or will come home early.

He hasn’t taken a half day as he didn’t come home at lunch but he’s just messaged saying he’s doing overtime until 8pm. Had a chat over messages and he’s not mentioned my birthday at all. I’m not going to remind him, if he’s forgotten so be it.

About 6 weeks ago he asked me to send a gift list to him. I did with links, a pair of shoes for £50 a bottle of spirt and a box of chocolates and said that he could get them in the local supermarket. He asked me to order the shoes so I did and put them unopened in his wardrobe.

On the weekend he told me not to expect anything for my birthday apart from the shoes as he’s not had time to get anything. Despite driving past the supermarket every single day and stopping for fuel at least twice a week.

I feel disappointed, my DHs 40th was last year and I got him some thoughtful gifts, organized a suprise meal with his family and close friends and took him on a city mini-break and sorted flights hotel and sports tickets so we could see a event he’s always wanted to see and even booked the time off without him knowing a thing.

My parents gave me a card with some money at the weekend and said they would sort something at a later date for a meal out as know doubt I would bust with either friends or DH and the kids.

None of my close friends have acknowledged it either, not even any plans later in the week. They have all had their big birthdays and we’ve done spa day, cream teas, and 2 weekends away.

AIBU to be a bit sad about it that no ones remembered?

OP posts:
GraceMarks · 19/06/2019 22:01

The all-consuming, selfish hobby seems to be the trademark of the dickhead husband around here. Did he not even have the grace to be ashamed that you basically did all the admin for his upcoming weekend and he couldn't even buy you a box of chocolates from the petrol station? You know, since he was in there buying stuff gir himself already?

BackwardsGoing · 19/06/2019 22:03

That is monumentally shit. Sorry OP. Happy Birthday.

30s are great by the way.

19lottie82 · 19/06/2019 22:05

Urgh what an arsehole. He could at least apologise and promise to spoil you rotten at the weekend.

Chimchar · 19/06/2019 22:05

I was so hoping that your do had pulled it out of the bag. I really can imagine how very hurt you are. You sound like such a lovely person, and so thoughtful towards others. You really deserve better than this. ThanksCakeWine

Gluestickonthefloor · 19/06/2019 22:05

Honestly OP, you genuinely deserve more. Is this the man you really want to spend the rest of your life with? You are only 30. This doesnt have to be 'it'. This isnt a LTB, but honestly? Your 30th birthday? Shoes still in the wrapper? Nah. Fuck that. Life is too short. Find someone who cherishes you.

Charley34 · 19/06/2019 22:07

Happy 30th birthday sweetheart may all your dreams come true x💜🌹🎂🥂
Sorry you had a crappy birthday OP

BuildBuildings · 19/06/2019 22:08

This is really crappy. Please treat yourself tomorrow! How is the rest of your relationship? This behaviour is just so selfish if it was me I'd struggle to come back from this. Its not about the material things. Although treats are nice, it's about feeling valued and special. Flowers

TheInvestigator · 19/06/2019 22:09

I hadn't considered the suspicious side of it! New hobby which needs weekend away. Late nights at work. Not making any effort in the run up to your birthday, despite knowing and talking about it. Forgetting the actual day itself. Seems like he's got something going on.

wildcherries · 19/06/2019 22:10

I'm so sorry he's such a selfish arse.

Happy birthday. Treat yourself tomorrow.

BirthdayBlueSx · 19/06/2019 22:11

He is on Facebook but rarely uses it, mostly in the evenings.

Usually he’s a pretty good DH. But lately he’s being a bit of a dick. Thinking only of himself. Pulled him up on this quite a few times recently. Just his hobby is taking priority and it’s really winding me up. Upping and leaving for 3/4 hours at the drop of the hat in the evening. Then the weekends away.

Absolutely certain there is nothing untoward going on. He turns into a knob taking photos and sending them to me. ALOT

He’s off sulking. Not bothered anymore will think of something nice to do tomorrow instead

OP posts:
sodabreadjam · 19/06/2019 22:12

Happy 30th birthday. You deserve a lot better than this. Treat yourself to something nice. Flowers

wildcherries · 19/06/2019 22:12

He's sulking?!

Fuck, he's got some nerve.

saraclara · 19/06/2019 22:12

HE'S sulking?

saraclara · 19/06/2019 22:13

ha! @wildcherries

DesparateDino · 19/06/2019 22:13

Happy Birthday OP, sorry you have a shit day. You deserve better.

AllOverIt · 19/06/2019 22:13

Twat

BlackCatSleeping · 19/06/2019 22:13

He's sulking??

This just gets worse.

Redwinestillfine · 19/06/2019 22:14

So sorry op. Hopefully he will make it up to you tomorrow. If not tell him again how shit this made you feel. He may listen when he's not in defensive mode

bluebellforest · 19/06/2019 22:15

What an absolute twat. He has a fucking cheek to be sulking!
Unbelievable!
Hope your birthday hasn't been too bad and that you have a wonderful day tomorrow.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 19/06/2019 22:15

You organised the travel and accommodation for his weekend away for his hobby?

Get online and cancel only the accommodation. Let the miserable selfish bastard get there so you can inform him you too had three days to forget about something important to him.

Happy birthday OP. Flowers

EL2019 · 19/06/2019 22:16

He’s got a fucking cheek sulking.

How dare he!

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 19/06/2019 22:16

Now would be a good time to do some damage to the joint account and have a nice birthday arranged by yourself.

JustHereWithPopcorn · 19/06/2019 22:16

*Treat yourself tomorrow
*
To a new husband.

Smokesandeats · 19/06/2019 22:17

I’d be promising myself a decree absolute for my 31st birthday present to myself if I was you, Op. He sounds like a terrible husband.

YouDancin · 19/06/2019 22:17

HE is sulking? What an utter knob.

Sorry you've had to put up with this.