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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Pretty certain DH has forgotten my birthday

686 replies

BirthdayBlueSx · 19/06/2019 17:39

Today is my 30th birthday, I knew my DH was due to work today but if mine or his birthday fall on a weekday he usually takes a days holiday or at least a half day as a surprise and we go for lunch. He will usually say he can’t get time off and will suprise me in the morning or will come home early.

He hasn’t taken a half day as he didn’t come home at lunch but he’s just messaged saying he’s doing overtime until 8pm. Had a chat over messages and he’s not mentioned my birthday at all. I’m not going to remind him, if he’s forgotten so be it.

About 6 weeks ago he asked me to send a gift list to him. I did with links, a pair of shoes for £50 a bottle of spirt and a box of chocolates and said that he could get them in the local supermarket. He asked me to order the shoes so I did and put them unopened in his wardrobe.

On the weekend he told me not to expect anything for my birthday apart from the shoes as he’s not had time to get anything. Despite driving past the supermarket every single day and stopping for fuel at least twice a week.

I feel disappointed, my DHs 40th was last year and I got him some thoughtful gifts, organized a suprise meal with his family and close friends and took him on a city mini-break and sorted flights hotel and sports tickets so we could see a event he’s always wanted to see and even booked the time off without him knowing a thing.

My parents gave me a card with some money at the weekend and said they would sort something at a later date for a meal out as know doubt I would bust with either friends or DH and the kids.

None of my close friends have acknowledged it either, not even any plans later in the week. They have all had their big birthdays and we’ve done spa day, cream teas, and 2 weekends away.

AIBU to be a bit sad about it that no ones remembered?

OP posts:
Ontheboardwalk · 19/06/2019 21:51

Happy Birthday

birthday you said 'usually my friends message me on the day, after spotting it on Facebook' Is you DH not on Facebook?

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 19/06/2019 21:51

Hope he's not expecting sex anytime soon ever. Angry

ny20005 · 19/06/2019 21:51

That's just awful 😢

There's absolutely no excuse for forgetting & giving you so little thought.

Birthdays & occasions such as Father's Day etc aren't important to my dh but he does make a fuss on big birthdays

He doesn't get why I get upset when he doesn't bother to even wish me a happy birthday or ensure our kids even know 😩

DinnySkipper · 19/06/2019 21:51

Sorry he didn’t make you feel special today. I hope he has something planned and it’s just the execution that has let him down.
Even if he has remembered and this is all part of a grand surprise it’s a cruel thing to do to make a person feel forgotten like this, and for that he should be sorry, regardless of anything he may have up his sleeve.
When it was my husband’s birthday I knew he would like a surprise but also knew that leaving him to believe I’d forgotten until the big reveal would upset him greatly. I made sure he knew there was a surprise coming but kept the details a secret. Seemed a good compromise that didn’t leave him feeling forgotten.
And if he has completely forgotten he is a doofus and needs a kick up the bum!

SmallPinkBear · 19/06/2019 21:52

Oh no. What a bastard. He is projecting his guilt and embarrassment on to you. Who can’t organise a card?? Angry

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 19/06/2019 21:52

if he can't be bothered to make the effort to wrap a present you chose
She chose and ORDERED HERSELF (because he couldn't even be arsed to do that).

saraclara · 19/06/2019 21:53

Did you tell him that when he picked up his beer, he could have picked up some chocolates, some wine, or a card? Or that even a texted Happy Birthday would have been something?

I'd be devastated. I'm so sad for you, OP.

RandomMess · 19/06/2019 21:53
Thanks

He has been a lazy self centred knob.

It is your 30th birthday and he's made zero effort at all, how bloody hurtful after he has the big do for his 40th.

TheSultanofPingu · 19/06/2019 21:53

Wishing you a Very Happy Birthday OP!
I read to the end of the thread hoping to find that he'd come home with a lovely surprise, but sadly not.
It's my birthday today as well, and Boris Johnson's.

BumandChips · 19/06/2019 21:53

He’s a fucking shit bag. Don’t do anything for him. In fact I wouldn’t even be fucking speaking to him.

Lipz · 19/06/2019 21:53

The FUCKER !!!!!! the absoloute bollox !!!!!! How could he forget in a matter of days, he was only talking to you about it. Jesus I'm livid for you !!! Like, this is a big birthday, if it was just a regular birthday I'd probably get over it but it's a milestone. Can't believe he handed you the shoes still in their wrapping, didn't even attempt to wrap them. Pity you didn't hide them. I'd pour his beers down the drain, imagine not even buying you a bar while he was in there. What are you going to do ? If I'm honest I'd thrown on some jeans and go to the local pub myself.

saraclara · 19/06/2019 21:54

also FFS @DinnySkipper. RTFT

RonniePasas · 19/06/2019 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mummyhaschangedhername · 19/06/2019 21:54

So sorry OP.

PavlovaFaith · 19/06/2019 21:56

@DinnySkipper Hmm

MondeoFan · 19/06/2019 21:56

Is everything happy normally otherwise?
I'm so upset for you, he sounds selfish and mean especially where he's trying to blame you for him forgetting by saying he told you already not to expect much. It's a massive Cop-out

rosedream · 19/06/2019 21:56

It's called the shield of shame.

When you've done wrong you - get angry , project it onto someone else , lie and then Minimise.

But it doesn't stop him from still being very mean and cruel.

Whackaguacamole · 19/06/2019 21:57

Happy birthday OP, 30ths deserves to be celebrated, I hope you can make the most of the weekend x

TanyaChix · 19/06/2019 21:58

Firstly, happy birthday to you! I hope you enjoyed your meal and not doing any cooking!

Now to him. I’m still not sure how anyone forgets their own wife’s birthday. No matter how busy they are with work etc, if they are that forgetful then they should put it in their fucking phone calendar. There’s no excuse. NONE.

He’s ruined the memory you now have of your 30th birthday and by anyone’s standards has been a self-absorbed, lazy, thoughtless man. No matter how great he might be in other ways, he’s let you down massively here and really does need to be made to feel pretty shit about that. Getting you to buy your own shoes because he’s too lazy to click on a bloody link and do it himself is the height of apathy.

In all honesty, something like this would make me question how much someone deeply cared for me, because I can’t imagine how shitty you’d have to be to hurt your own wife like this.

Heartofglass12345 · 19/06/2019 21:59

Happy birthday WineThanksCake
Sorry your husbands a knob

NeverTalksToStrangers · 19/06/2019 21:59

What a dickhead OP. Flowers

Belenus · 19/06/2019 21:59

Not just the forgetting, bad though it is, but the casual disregard of any thought for you, birthday or not as it sounds like he can manage to buy stuff for himself (fuel, beers etc) - he doesn't forget that stuff

This. I think for most/ many people the train of thought in the garage would have been "beer for me. What would Blue want, what would... Shit, it's Blue's birthday. Quick, buy stuff she likes. Grovel. Grovel a lot". Only a tosser would completely forget and then blame the birthday girl for this.

Walkerbean16 · 19/06/2019 22:00

A new Hobby that is taking over his life, working late and forgetting his wife's very important birthday - are you sure there is nothing untoward going on?

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 19/06/2019 22:01

Oh bloody hell!

Sorry OP, he's an arse 🙁

Happy birthday 💐

TanyaChix · 19/06/2019 22:01

Also, stopping off to get himself beer and not getting you even a bar of chocolate or a mini wine is also fucking rude. He needs to stop being so utterly self absorbed.