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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Pretty certain DH has forgotten my birthday

686 replies

BirthdayBlueSx · 19/06/2019 17:39

Today is my 30th birthday, I knew my DH was due to work today but if mine or his birthday fall on a weekday he usually takes a days holiday or at least a half day as a surprise and we go for lunch. He will usually say he can’t get time off and will suprise me in the morning or will come home early.

He hasn’t taken a half day as he didn’t come home at lunch but he’s just messaged saying he’s doing overtime until 8pm. Had a chat over messages and he’s not mentioned my birthday at all. I’m not going to remind him, if he’s forgotten so be it.

About 6 weeks ago he asked me to send a gift list to him. I did with links, a pair of shoes for £50 a bottle of spirt and a box of chocolates and said that he could get them in the local supermarket. He asked me to order the shoes so I did and put them unopened in his wardrobe.

On the weekend he told me not to expect anything for my birthday apart from the shoes as he’s not had time to get anything. Despite driving past the supermarket every single day and stopping for fuel at least twice a week.

I feel disappointed, my DHs 40th was last year and I got him some thoughtful gifts, organized a suprise meal with his family and close friends and took him on a city mini-break and sorted flights hotel and sports tickets so we could see a event he’s always wanted to see and even booked the time off without him knowing a thing.

My parents gave me a card with some money at the weekend and said they would sort something at a later date for a meal out as know doubt I would bust with either friends or DH and the kids.

None of my close friends have acknowledged it either, not even any plans later in the week. They have all had their big birthdays and we’ve done spa day, cream teas, and 2 weekends away.

AIBU to be a bit sad about it that no ones remembered?

OP posts:
hammeringinmyhead · 19/06/2019 21:47

Right. He gets f-all for his next birthday. Not even a text. Tell him that now so it's his fault he is disappointed.

ThatsUnusual · 19/06/2019 21:47

Oh, OP

Flowers

What a selfish prick. Honestly, I'd be so upset and I'm upset on your behalf.

Do you think he'll try and make it up to you somehow?

category12 · 19/06/2019 21:47

Is he normally a selfish dick who only thinks of himself?

TheoriginalLEM · 19/06/2019 21:48

Its shit OP, im sorry.

Thing is, he hadn't forgotten had he? He knew it was your birthday because he made you order your own present . How are things generally between you?

I could forgive a total lapse of memory. I dislike birthdays with a passion so i never mention it. Im not sure if dp has ever forgot, genuinely. We both forgot our 25th anniversary last year Blush i remembered at work and messaged to say errr, what day is it today???? But we both forgot so we laughed it off, birthdays a bit different and id be disappointed.

I think there's more to this. He's either planning something and executing it badly or he is harbouring some resentment over something (as this is out of character). Saying that DP has historically spent £££ on me some years and just a card other years.

HerondaleDucks · 19/06/2019 21:48

I'm so sorry OP. That actually sucks. Hope you're ok.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 19/06/2019 21:48

Well I hope you get flowers, wine, chocolates and a lie in this weekend for starters.

TokyoSushi · 19/06/2019 21:48

Oh OP, that's really, really rubbish Flowers

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 19/06/2019 21:49

Oh dear. You are entirely in the right for being extremely pissed off with him and very upset.
I would find it very hard to even look at him, let alone speak, for a good long time. He'd have to work very hard to make amends, actually.

So sorry. Flowers and Cake for you.

PCohle · 19/06/2019 21:49

You poor thing. I'd be really upset. It's not about gifts or being demanding, it's about the total thoughtlessness.

Ravingstarfish · 19/06/2019 21:49

What a dickhead.
Plan yourself a spa day or something, leave him with the kids and go and do something you want to do when you can

hippoherostandinghere · 19/06/2019 21:49

Oh OP that's rubbish. What a shit. Happy birthday to you, he has some making up to do.

Phoningliz · 19/06/2019 21:49

This would seriously, seriously make me reconsider the relationship.

PavlovaFaith · 19/06/2019 21:49

Jesus! Is it so fucking hard to be a decent person?

He has totally wrecked your birthday and that can't be undone.

Happy Birthday OP! Know that you are worth so much more than this. I hope you have a good group of friends who can sort this mess out and make a fuss of you.

goldface · 19/06/2019 21:49

Wow. That's so unkind and thoughtless. I don't think I'd be able to talk to him until he has realised how hurtful he is being?

TheInvestigator · 19/06/2019 21:49

@MyGastIsFlabbered
She said earlier that he's going away for the weekend for his hobby. OP arranged the travel and accommodation for him.

RumpoleoftheBaileys · 19/06/2019 21:49

Dickhead.

AllOverIt · 19/06/2019 21:49

Oh my God. That's awful.

It's my birthday today too. Not a special one like yours, but I'd be so upset.

You deserve better. ❤️

PavlovaFaith · 19/06/2019 21:50

AND SHOW HIM THIS THREAD.

HuckfromScandal · 19/06/2019 21:50

That’s just beyond shit.

I’m really sorry

nanbread · 19/06/2019 21:50

My fault apparently for being disappointed as he did tell me on the weekend he hadn’t got me anything.

It's not like you sprang it on him is it, birthdays are the same date every year! And a normal reaction at not being able to pick a present up would be apologising and/ or offering to make it up not blaming you.

He sounds like a twat, sorry. I'd secretly cancel all the stuff you booked for his hobby and then leave the house before he gets up on Saturday.

Sofin · 19/06/2019 21:50

So sorry OP, this really made me sad, so I can only imagine how you're feeling. Hope you're ok xx

RumpoleoftheBaileys · 19/06/2019 21:50

Him, obviously. Not you.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 19/06/2019 21:50

So, hang on! He'd planned to forget?? By telling you in advance he hadn't got you something - when he still had three days to, you know, GET YOU SOMETHING?!!!!
That's beyond mean.

OrdinarySnowflake · 19/06/2019 21:51

So he made zero effort - not even enough to remember.

It's not about what he's bought or taking time off, or anything else like that, it's showing he cared about your feelings.

You shouldn't have to remind your DH to care about you.

ThatsUnusual · 19/06/2019 21:51

Is he amazing and fantastic the rest of the time?

Because I'd find this really hard to get past. It's not the gifts/money it's the thought - or lack of. That's not acceptable.

You put so much thought into his 40th and this is a milestone birthday for you, if he can't be bothered to make the effort to wrap a present you chose - it's like he takes you for granted.