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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Pretty certain DH has forgotten my birthday

686 replies

BirthdayBlueSx · 19/06/2019 17:39

Today is my 30th birthday, I knew my DH was due to work today but if mine or his birthday fall on a weekday he usually takes a days holiday or at least a half day as a surprise and we go for lunch. He will usually say he can’t get time off and will suprise me in the morning or will come home early.

He hasn’t taken a half day as he didn’t come home at lunch but he’s just messaged saying he’s doing overtime until 8pm. Had a chat over messages and he’s not mentioned my birthday at all. I’m not going to remind him, if he’s forgotten so be it.

About 6 weeks ago he asked me to send a gift list to him. I did with links, a pair of shoes for £50 a bottle of spirt and a box of chocolates and said that he could get them in the local supermarket. He asked me to order the shoes so I did and put them unopened in his wardrobe.

On the weekend he told me not to expect anything for my birthday apart from the shoes as he’s not had time to get anything. Despite driving past the supermarket every single day and stopping for fuel at least twice a week.

I feel disappointed, my DHs 40th was last year and I got him some thoughtful gifts, organized a suprise meal with his family and close friends and took him on a city mini-break and sorted flights hotel and sports tickets so we could see a event he’s always wanted to see and even booked the time off without him knowing a thing.

My parents gave me a card with some money at the weekend and said they would sort something at a later date for a meal out as know doubt I would bust with either friends or DH and the kids.

None of my close friends have acknowledged it either, not even any plans later in the week. They have all had their big birthdays and we’ve done spa day, cream teas, and 2 weekends away.

AIBU to be a bit sad about it that no ones remembered?

OP posts:
Thehop · 19/06/2019 20:52

He’s an absolute cock nostril.

CN271352 · 19/06/2019 20:53

Are you sure it's definitely your birthday today? The mind starts to go when you near 30..

Herocomplex · 19/06/2019 20:53

TheWernerthWife
Bizarrely, talking entirely about your own experience in the face of someone else’s misery is the definition of selfish. So maybe your DP isn’t, but you perhaps might be.

EnchentButteler · 19/06/2019 20:53

Happy birthday to you! I can imagine you would have liked to celebrate your birthday on the actual day but can you get a sitter and go out for dinner just the 2 of you tomorrow night or something to mark the milestone birthday? He is a shit bag given the effort you went to for his 40th.

PCohle · 19/06/2019 20:53

just saying not everyone is a selfish tosser

No, but you are.

Howlovely · 19/06/2019 20:53

Seriously Werneth just go away.

BumandChips · 19/06/2019 20:54

Well I hope for his next birthday you’re going to give him the gift of fuck all.

It’s the complete lack of care and appreciation that I don’t understand. He doesn’t care enough, and that’s so hurtful and rude.

AlansLeftMoob · 19/06/2019 20:54

TheWernethWife The OP has had a really shit day, your 30th is supposed to be a milestone birthday and she has clearly put a lot of effort into making milestones happy occasions for others. So kicking her when she's down really wasn't necessary, we're all well aware that #notallmen etc etc but on this occasion it's a woman feeling very let down, so no matter how high she "sets her bar", this is the situation right now and boasty, shitty posts like yours do nothing to help. Nothing.

OP is he home?!

DannyWallace · 19/06/2019 20:54

Happy birthday OP Thanks

I so so hope he just got the date muddles and thinks it's tomorrow

ThatsUnusual · 19/06/2019 20:54

@TheWernethWife are you being deliberately goady?

You don't wave your working legs in front of a disabled person or waft a chunk of £50s in a homeless person's face so kindly take your perfect DH's European breaks, shove them up your arse and find some empathy.

optimisticpessimist01 · 19/06/2019 20:55

Happy 30th birthday!!!!!!!!! xxxxxx

Sorry OP, I hope he has remembered

I think you should tell him, you feel shit anyway you may as well tell him tonight and make him feel like the twit that he is.

HappyRoots · 19/06/2019 20:55

TheWernethWife No one likes a smug bastard.

I thought this was a good idea though:

Howlovely Wed 19-Jun-19 20:44:11

When your husband comes home and asks how your day was I'd reply with "it's been the worst birthday I've ever had, thanks for asking. How was yours?" and just see what he says/does to that x

I'm so sorry though OP. That's really shitty of him. I'd be so upset too x

TheWernethWife · 19/06/2019 20:55

That's Paris is my favourite city that's why we went there. It was my choice. If that makes me predictable so be it.

Aarghhelpplease · 19/06/2019 20:56

It is rubbish that he has forgotten OP, but try not to erupt before hearing him out. If it’s a genuine mistake its shit but people do make mistakes and at least he can then be given the opportunity to make amends.

ThatCurlyGirl · 19/06/2019 20:56

@TheWernethWife But you didn't say anything like that until people pointed out how mean spirited your original post was, you just gloated about your birthday gift! Good for your DH, good for you, but irrelevant and if anything horrible to the OP.

OP: has my husband forgotten my birthday and am I wrong to be so upset?

You: MY HUSBAND TOOK ME ON A LOVELY TRIP FOR MY BIRTHDAY. SET YOUR BAR HIGHER.

Come on, you must have realised it wasn't a very nice or kind contribution to poor OP who is already having a shit day?

shutyourlittleface · 19/06/2019 20:56

@TheWernethWife BELLEND ALERT

Isitmybathtimeyet · 19/06/2019 20:56

Happy Birthday, OP. I’m sorry you’re feeling so overlooked. I really am hoping this is some well meant but badly delivered surprise.

MeganChips · 19/06/2019 20:56

Happy birthday OP. I hope he is very contrite and makes it up to you in a major way.

honeygirlz · 19/06/2019 20:57

I see where @TheWernethWife is coming from actually.

There's a comment saying that 'men are rubbish', which is really unhelpful because it excuses her H of any blame, and as Werneth says, OP needs to set the bar higher and not accept selfish behaviour.

I don't like a fuss on my birthday, but OP does, her DH knows that, and yet her H made her buy her own birthday present and has told her not to expect the supermarket chocolates and spirit she asked for. That's really poor and she shouldn't let him off the hook because 'men are rubbish'.

QuizzlyBear · 19/06/2019 20:58

Another vote for this response:

When your husband comes home and asks how your day was I'd reply with "it's been the worst birthday I've ever had, thanks for asking. How was yours?" and just see what he says/does to that x

I'm so sorry OP, he'd better be massively apologetic. Forgetting is bad, but just a flaw. Remembering and not bothering? That's bastard behaviour.

Fingers crossed it's the first!

Delatron · 19/06/2019 20:58

Is he not home yet??

Xiaoxiong · 19/06/2019 20:58

Happy birthday OP!! Sorry you have had a shitty day. It's great to be 30!! 🎂 🍰 🎁

Schrodangler · 19/06/2019 20:58

Happy Birthday OP!

lunar1 · 19/06/2019 20:58

I'm sorry you've had a rubbish day. There is no excuse for his behaviour.

crispysausagerolls · 19/06/2019 20:59
  1. happy birthday! Hope the Chinese was delicious - sounds like an excellent meal was had (not least as DH not there
  2. honestly I am raging on your behalf. RAGING. I would go fucking ballistic, it is not just your birthday but your 30th. WHAT A FUCKING CUNT.