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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Pretty certain DH has forgotten my birthday

686 replies

BirthdayBlueSx · 19/06/2019 17:39

Today is my 30th birthday, I knew my DH was due to work today but if mine or his birthday fall on a weekday he usually takes a days holiday or at least a half day as a surprise and we go for lunch. He will usually say he can’t get time off and will suprise me in the morning or will come home early.

He hasn’t taken a half day as he didn’t come home at lunch but he’s just messaged saying he’s doing overtime until 8pm. Had a chat over messages and he’s not mentioned my birthday at all. I’m not going to remind him, if he’s forgotten so be it.

About 6 weeks ago he asked me to send a gift list to him. I did with links, a pair of shoes for £50 a bottle of spirt and a box of chocolates and said that he could get them in the local supermarket. He asked me to order the shoes so I did and put them unopened in his wardrobe.

On the weekend he told me not to expect anything for my birthday apart from the shoes as he’s not had time to get anything. Despite driving past the supermarket every single day and stopping for fuel at least twice a week.

I feel disappointed, my DHs 40th was last year and I got him some thoughtful gifts, organized a suprise meal with his family and close friends and took him on a city mini-break and sorted flights hotel and sports tickets so we could see a event he’s always wanted to see and even booked the time off without him knowing a thing.

My parents gave me a card with some money at the weekend and said they would sort something at a later date for a meal out as know doubt I would bust with either friends or DH and the kids.

None of my close friends have acknowledged it either, not even any plans later in the week. They have all had their big birthdays and we’ve done spa day, cream teas, and 2 weekends away.

AIBU to be a bit sad about it that no ones remembered?

OP posts:
TheWernethWife · 19/06/2019 20:43

I've recently had a very significant birthday and was taken to Paris for the week-end.

Howlovely · 19/06/2019 20:44

I'm so sorry, OP.
Happy 30th birthday x
When your husband comes home and asks how your day was I'd reply with "it's been the worst birthday I've ever had, thanks for asking. How was yours?" and just see what he says/does to that x

ForTheLoveOfDoughnuts · 19/06/2019 20:44

I really hope he hasn't forgotten, and he's planned something lovely

Grammarist · 19/06/2019 20:44

Oh OP, Happy Birthday honey. So sorry that your DH appears to be being a massive tit.
I'd ensure that any cards you've got are clearly and prominently on display in the lounge and that you say nothing. Absolutely nothing. Then have a glass of the nicest wine/drink you own and celebrate quietly to yourself.
Just see if he bloody notices....

madmother1 · 19/06/2019 20:44

I'd be heading up to bed soon and just be asleep when he gets home. I really would be thinking through what my next steps would be in my relationship!!

Howlovely · 19/06/2019 20:44

TheWerneth, how on earth is your boastful post helpful?

NeverTalksToStrangers · 19/06/2019 20:45

Happy birthday OP.

Definitely silent treatment.

bigtoes · 19/06/2019 20:45

I've recently had a very significant birthday and was taken to Paris for the week-end.

Omg. Just the weekend? LTB

BuildBuildings · 19/06/2019 20:46

Wow! Well happy birthday to you. I hope he hasn't. Please update us! Even if he has tricked you into thinking he's forgotten that's not nice.

aweedropofsancerre · 19/06/2019 20:46

TheWernethWife how lovely for you. Lets hope the OPs DH has arranged the same

Jaffacakebeast · 19/06/2019 20:46

Wow! I get more of a birthday from my boss :0 I’d be really upset

aweedropofsancerre · 19/06/2019 20:47

bigtoes Grin

AlansLeftMoob · 19/06/2019 20:47

TheWernethWife Sod off?!

nakedscientist · 19/06/2019 20:48

I hope he HAS remembered!

Happy Birthday Flowers Cake

Morgan12 · 19/06/2019 20:48

I'd see what he says when he comes in before confronting him. As a pp said he may well have gotten his days mixed up and think its tomorrow. I hope he can salvage your bday somehow. He certainly has some groveling to do.

Happy birthday x

TheWernethWife · 19/06/2019 20:48

How my post was to show that not everyone's partner/DH are selfish knobheads, some of them really care.

doublechocadooberry · 19/06/2019 20:49

Happy birthday OP. I wish there was something I could say that would cheer you up as you must feel so let down but I'm glad your children are with you and you all got to share a Chinese meal together.

Treaclesweet · 19/06/2019 20:49

This reply has been deleted

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saraclara · 19/06/2019 20:50

This thread is so awfully sad. I was wondering how old the children are, too. Usually it's the children that prevent partners forgetting these things!

ThatsUnusual · 19/06/2019 20:50

@TheWernethWife Paris? How predictable. Your DH clearly has no imagination. LTB.

What a dickish comment.

Howlovely · 19/06/2019 20:50

TheWerneth you really don't get it do you?

LorelaiRoryEmily · 19/06/2019 20:51

Happy birthday op. I’m sorry you’ve had such a shit day. I’d just be in bed when he gets home and not mention it until tomorrow maybe. Then I’d ignore his birthday.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 19/06/2019 20:51

Despite being together for 20 years, my DH was never quite sure my birthday was on the day it actually is or the day before. Every time he would ask me with a slightly nervous expression. He never forgot the occasion, just the specifics. Anyway that doesn't really help you, I'm just feeling a bit melancholy that I won't be having that conversation for my 40th birthday this year.

OP I hope he has arranged something fabulous, like a surprise trip away or something. Happy 30th!

TheWernethWife · 19/06/2019 20:51

Alan why the sarky post, been with my partners for over 30 years now, just saying not everyone is a selfish tosser. The OP needs to set the bar a bit higher.

NeverTalksToStrangers · 19/06/2019 20:51

To all the posters saying "why didn't you remind him?", she shouldn't have to. It's not hard to get reminders on your phone, but there should be no reminder necessary for milestone birthdays. Extra effort should be expected.

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