Mother-in-Law insistent on not taking off shoes...

[FirstBabyOnTheWay]

MY MIL is lovely, she really is and we have a great relationship but whenever she comes to ours - in wind, rain, sunshine - she will not take her shoes off.

Once, she trod mud through our house and the carpet is still brown in that area - it had been raining horrendously.

We are about to buy a new house, with all new carpets and have a new baby due in August.

My DH asked her to remove her shoes but she won't... I don't know what to do? I am actually having the entire bottom floor done in wood because I am too terrified of her messing the carpets up as she destroyed our old ones. (They were filthy and a carpet cleaner wouldn't bring out the mark).

I don't want shoes in the house with a new baby and we show her round the top floor will be cream/beige carpets!

How do I address this? We are allowed shoes in their house and they have carpets from before my DH was born!!!

HELP... AIBU??????

Don’t invite her round. If she can’t respect your rules there will be 100x more issues when the baby is born.

@Myyearmytime but she isn't old and she even ran a half marathon last year. She is only 65! Regularly works out... she is fitter than me!

Washing hands before hiding the baby? Way OTT.

We have cream carpets throughout our house, we never remove our shoes, yet they’re immaculate. My stepson and his wife bought a new build with cream carpets and insisted on shoes off. On our last visit we were told not to bother taking them off because the baby - born in November - makes so much mess. Apparently he’s peed all over their sitting room carpet.

YABU for choosing cream carpets with for a house with children 😄

@MargaretHoulihan Fair point, but it depends on where the OP is. Many cultures would never wear shoes indoors. I used to, then lived in Asia, and now leave my shoes at the door. Seems weird to wear them about the house, though I don't begrudge others from doing so as I don't really care. I've caught my kid with all manner of things in his mouth and am definitely not a germaphobe.

But the issue is not really about shoes, it's more about respect. I think it's far ruder to behave as the MIL has than ask someone to take their shoes off. If the MIL was a normal person she would have been mortified she had ruined the rug, offered to have it cleaned and brought her own slippers from then on. Wouldn't she? Isn't that what reasonable people do?

Put a small bench outside the door. When she refuses to remove shoes head back outside with a 'oh, shall we sit outside then?'

Margaret it's a making-your-guests-feel-comfortable thing. You can call that class if you like - don't know what's classy about not being fussed how comfortable your guests are, but that's up to you.

I also don't believe that someone who is an occasional visitor can ruin carpets.

Sally doormats work pretty well for us. Obviously there will be occasions when they're not enough but for normal everyday shoes - absolutely fine.

Did she comment on the mud she'd left behind on the carpet? Surely she noticed?
What does actually say when you ask her to remove her shoes?

I find being asked to remove shoes really rude.

Generally if you don’t allow shoes you should provide slippers for guests really.

You both need to stop saying ‘do you mind’ and ‘perhaps you could wear these’ and other such really quite ambiguous things and just say, please take your shoes off and wear these instead.

Get another pair of slippers for each of them and keep them at yours so they are ready and available to wear every time they come to visit.

In my entire 66 years I have only once been asked to remove shoes - that was in a Japanese home with a paper mat carpeting. They provided personalized bamboo slippers for guests. It must be a UK
thing?
I would never think of ordering cream carpeting for a home with a new baby either. They pee and poo and spill a lot for the first four years.
But -- your house, your rules. Tell your MIL in advance and she most likely will not visit you at all. If my daughter told me that, I know I would not.

Or plimsolls

Feel like she just always wants to show who is boss - not so very lovely then.

You & DH need to speak to both PiLs and get this sorted out well in advance of moving.
Decide beforehand what you want, ask MiL what exactly her objection is, and don't back down.

My shoes are a part of my outfit, and as such I truly resent being asked to take them off. I spend good money on nice shoes, why should I then take them off and trod around in bare feet? Particularly on someone elses' floor/carpet where I don't know what's been on it.
You wouldn't force someone to take off other garments they consider to be part of their clothing if they didn't want to.

I would put down a good, hard wearing welcome mat both inside and outside the door and request that visitors wipe their feet thoroughly before progressing into the main house.

Thinking of the very famously polite cultures, Japanese and Canadian are two, they absolutely insist on shoes off. It's the pinnacle of rudeness to keep shoes on in both those cultures.

So it's not a hospitality thing, it's a culture thing. I'm a terrible housekeeper but firmly shoes off indoors.

If you want you kid to have asthma, eczema and allergies do carry on

there a million reasons children get asthma and eczema.

I didn't live in a spotless home as a child, I still got both.

As you have said, this isn't about the shoes, this is about mil not being told what to do. She is titty-waving her mil status here. More slippers might go the way of the last pair. Give her shoe covers as a temporary measure. If she refuses to wear those, then..... I agree babies eat all sorts of rubbish and find germs, but i suspect that if you 'give-way' over shoe-gate, she'll find another power-issue to challenge you on.

It's rude to ask people to take off the shoes. Don't ask her.

So it's not rude to stamp mud through someone's house, irreversibly staining their carpets? (SMH)

OP, if she refuses to take her shoes off then she is not to go upstairs in your new house. No negotiation. This is unhygienic at best, and in some cultures it would be offensive beyond belief. I hope she never has cause to visit Russia!

Eurgh! She could have brought dog shit or anything in. Just say no. No way.

Right DMIL. The new house will be no outside shoes in the house.
That is the rule. I will happily buy you a pair of slippers or indoor shoes.
If you can't adhere to this then you cannot come into the house.

I don't mind shoes in my house but would always respect someone else with a no shoes rule. I always do!

Why does your DH have to be 'polite and respectful' to his parents yet it's not reciprocated, in your own home? She's not superior to you both, not beyond question. Your DH doesn't have to play the little-boy part, it doesn't bode well for the future as she ages and becomes more demanding, and won't be amusing when she's 85 and still expecting him to play the same role. All part of a bigger picture. She sounds bloody rude.

I’ve always lived in places where you took your shoes off, my house is tiled I find it much cleaner no foot prints or glass which with a Toddler/baby is a big no no

same as caranx. Say it's a rule. No outdoor shoes past this point. Also keep those bag things for guests.- I bought loads of the fluffy duster foot covers. Initially for visiting children but all my visitors wear them now. You can throw them in the washing machine.
Amazon:
5 Pairs (10 Pieces) Multi-Function Dust Duster Mop Slippers Shoes Cover, Soft Washable Reusable Microfiber Foot Socks Floor Cleaning Tools Shoe Cover £9.99