Mother-in-Law insistent on not taking off shoes...

[FirstBabyOnTheWay]

MY MIL is lovely, she really is and we have a great relationship but whenever she comes to ours - in wind, rain, sunshine - she will not take her shoes off.

Once, she trod mud through our house and the carpet is still brown in that area - it had been raining horrendously.

We are about to buy a new house, with all new carpets and have a new baby due in August.

My DH asked her to remove her shoes but she won't... I don't know what to do? I am actually having the entire bottom floor done in wood because I am too terrified of her messing the carpets up as she destroyed our old ones. (They were filthy and a carpet cleaner wouldn't bring out the mark).

I don't want shoes in the house with a new baby and we show her round the top floor will be cream/beige carpets!

How do I address this? We are allowed shoes in their house and they have carpets from before my DH was born!!!

HELP... AIBU??????

I am really clean and grew up with a mum who had quite bad OCD so they all joke and think I am mental... but it really upsets me. I find it quite disrespectful but I am more concerned about our new baba.

Not even sure how I will tackle the 'please would you mind washing your hands before holding the baby'. Too frightened to even go there... I think my DH family all think I am crazy. My friends and family on my side think I am being reasonable though.

I bought her a pair of slippers for our home and said she might like to wear these when she is here rather than shoes, she took them home and they never reapperared. Do I buy a new pair? What about DH Dad? He has got the message and tends to take shoes off... especially when its raining.

Feel like she just always wants to show who is boss :(

My husband has difficulty in getting shoes on again if he takes them off. It takes him an absolute age and lots of effort. I'm often cross with him about keeping shoes on indoors and not putting on slippers but he says, if he has to go out again, it makes things difficult (then he falls asleep on sofa and wakes hours later but that's another story).

I wonder if your mother in law has similar problem. If that is the case it might help a bit if she told you, then you could put something down on carpet for her to walk on.

Use the new carpets and then baby as an excuse. Buy her slippers. Tell her she needs to take off her shoes. She is your mil not the Queen, you dont have to be "polite" and put up with it. If she had been careful to wipe her feet that would be different but if she has form for carpet spoiling , stick to your guns, it is your house.

YANBU to use the word “baba.”

Shoe covers are your friend.

@doskant Think my husband is scared of her...

What does she say when you ask her to take her shoes off?

Good God there's a lot of things I suck up but not that.

Just tell her, what's the worst that can happen

Blue hospital scrub bags?

That's what I was going to suggest.

Buy her slippers and make sure she leaves them behind.

If she won't and won't take her shoes off, apologise and don't let her in!

I cannot imagine arguing with my children over that issue!

YAnbu. Your house, your rules. Outside shoes carry all sorts of germs and your baby will be crawling.

My BIL solved this with my mother years ago by taking swabs from the soles of her shoes, growing the resulting cultures in a Petri dish and presenting her with the lab result of organisms she was exposing her grandson to.
She took her shoes of after that

I'm afraid I am of the camp that you don't tell people what to wear in your home. It's very inhospitable. It's a question ('please could you take your shoes off') for which the answer 'no' is not acceptable, which then makes it an order. For a lot of elderly people in particular it can be a real problem, but I hate it too, mainly because my feet get freezing cold, and then I just want to leave your home.

Invest in a decent doormat and hall runner. The baby will be fine - we are not a shoes-off household, and we have 2 cats trailing mud in from the garden all the time, and DD was fine.

Senior what a prick your BIL sounds.

they all joke and think I am mental Aaaaand there's your problem. She ruined your property and consistently disrespects your wishes and yet you're the crazy one.

It doesn't really matter what the reason is - your house, your rules. I really hope your husband doesn't join in and joke at your expense.

Maybe she has really smelly feet 🤷‍♀️

Think my husband is scared of her... My husband hasn't cut the cord yet either. I'm in a world of pain because of it.

Ok her refusing to take shoes off and cleanliness for baby are two separate issues.

You have to insist that she takes her shoes off to keep your carpet clean. If she can't do that, then she stays in the doorway. That's normal and respectful behaviour for other people's belongings.

Washing your hands before holding baby is a bit OCD cleanliness in my books though. Baby will crawl soon and will eat soil, old food, cat litter, crayons, you name it. Exposure to germs has been shown to reduce likelihood of childhood leukaemia.

He was a bit “chemistry teacher” I admit. But dm wasn’t the easiest of women either.

@GrapefruitIsGross It was my own fault, they came and she kept her shoes on the first time - I didn't say anything. The second time they came, it was raining and she walked mud / wet through the house - you could see footprints! Then, my DH scrubbed the carpets and an hour later she came back as she had forgotten something and walked all over the wet carpets with further muddy shoes... it made it so bad it never really came out.
Then from then on out... she continued to wear shoes, even though my DH asked her 'mum, would you mind?'.

She is fit as a fiddle - plays tennis 5x a week! Zero issues with mobility. I have seen her feet in Spain too and they are normal, pedicured feet!

"I'm afraid I am of the camp that you don't tell people what to wear in your home"

Asking someone to not make your house dirty is hardly telling them what to wear.

scientists have said that wearing outdoor shoes in the home could reduce the risk of childhood asthma, by exposing them to a wider range of bacteria

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7156441/Is-asking-guests-shoes-house-proud-social-horror.html

@CassianAndor Yes, but we're not actually talking about you, are we. The OP doesn't want this in her house.

You say I'm afraid I am of the camp that you don't tell people what to wear in your home. Does that include my in-laws who walk around my house in their threadbare shit-stained undies and nothing else while I'm providing free food and board?

GummyGoddess
Shoe covers? If you are stressed now, wait until baby is crawling. Drove me mad cleaning the floor as they both used to drop food on it then eat it by putting their mouth on the floor rather than picking it up.

Had to read this 2 or 3 times before I twigged that "they both" was crawling babies & not ILs

Oooo senior I’m loving yr BL ! I’d be getting him to grow all sorts !!

She is fit as a fiddle - plays tennis 5x a week! Zero issues with mobility. I have seen her feet in Spain too and they are normal, pedicured feet!

I’d say it’s a control thing- she doesn’t want you to be telling her what to do, even if it’s a reasonable request.

There’s no nicey-nicey way of going about this- you’re going to have to be blunt and be ok with them thinking you’re obsessive or paranoid or whatever. You need to not care about their opinion since it’s you bloody house!

If she ruined the carpet in your previous house why didn't your DH tell her? He just needed to say "mum that carpet is beyond cleaning since last week when you came in with muddy shoes on"?

She is his DM so it's his responsibility to sort it out.