Mother-in-Law insistent on not taking off shoes...

[FirstBabyOnTheWay]

MY MIL is lovely, she really is and we have a great relationship but whenever she comes to ours - in wind, rain, sunshine - she will not take her shoes off.

Once, she trod mud through our house and the carpet is still brown in that area - it had been raining horrendously.

We are about to buy a new house, with all new carpets and have a new baby due in August.

My DH asked her to remove her shoes but she won't... I don't know what to do? I am actually having the entire bottom floor done in wood because I am too terrified of her messing the carpets up as she destroyed our old ones. (They were filthy and a carpet cleaner wouldn't bring out the mark).

I don't want shoes in the house with a new baby and we show her round the top floor will be cream/beige carpets!

How do I address this? We are allowed shoes in their house and they have carpets from before my DH was born!!!

HELP... AIBU??????

No-one heard of doormats then?

doormats do not clean your shoes completely. Nor do all people actually use them

Lordy, have I been rude whenever I've gone to someone's house and not automatically taken my shoes off? I've always taken them off if it was wet/muddy outside but otherwise not. I've never been asked to either. Now I'm wondering if I've been offending everyone I know over the years (45 years).... Am I secretly known as, "oh here comes HappyRoots with her her f**ing shoes"? Do you all take shoes off as the norm going into anyone else's house?

OP, it's your house so your rules though (which probably need to be spelled out to an idiot like me who didn't know this was "a thing".

She's incredibly disrespectful, traipsing in your house with muddy shoes and leaving marks all over your carpets. Show her the marks, or rather get your husband to with the comment "mother these won't come out!, you aren't going to get the opportunity to do this in our new house, please remove your shoes" YES it is rude to leave muddy marks all over your host's carpet.

I would never dream of asking someone who visited me to take shoes off - I see that as very rude. I won’t take my shoes off in other people’s houses either - I don’t know what’s in your carpets or on your floor ( my ex got veruccas from a hotel carpet once - gross). If someone was anal about it I would probably suggest they come to mine - and take their shoes off, or leave them on, I don’t care! Or we meet somewhere neutral...

You do realise your nice cream carpets will get covered in puke and shit over the next few years don't you? Muddy shoes will be the least of your worries!

OP:"I defo can't provide the blue hospital shoe things"

Just out of interest, why not?

OP - good luck with never wheeling the buggy in - if it's pissing it down and the baby is asleep you'll just leave it on the porch or wake the baby up? Yeah, right. I've wheeled the buggy into whatever room is convenient (we have a very narrow hallway, no porch) if the baby was asleep. Kitchen, living room, whatever.

Not taking her shoes off obviously is important to the MIL. Yes, she was being U in not taking responsibility for that one time but I still very much doubt she, all by herself, ruined the OP's carpets.

And the thing is - if you will allow it in certain circumstances then allow it in all.

Lordy, have I been rude whenever I've gone to someone's house and not automatically taken my shoes off?

Don't you just follow what everyone else does? Where I grew up the culture was to keep your shoes on - the houses where you did need to take your shoes off people would just ask. Now where I live almost everyone has shoes off in the house but it's obvious because no one in the house has shoes on. Sometimes people off you the option of keeping them on but I usually just take them off as everyone else is.

OP - good luck with never wheeling the buggy in - if it's pissing it down and the baby is asleep you'll just leave it on the porch or wake the baby up?

I've had two DC and never needed to wheel the buggy beyond the hallway. People who live in non ground floor flats presumably manage fine too!

My dad has this issue with my grandma and her husband...they refuse to remove shoes to go in my dads front room so he says they can't go in there 😂

Wouldn't be so bad, but when we were younger grandma made everyone remove shoes to go in her house...so a bit rude to not do the same at others.

I would ask why she won't remove them and ask her would slippers suffice..if she says no, I would say or her husband to tell her 'sorry, but no shoes in house for anyone, so we will have to visit at yours from now on'
Stand your ground...it's your house, and carpets aren't cheap!!

Are carpets were ruined two weeks after moving in when the sofa was delivered...the mud stain never did lift

Do you all take shoes off as the norm going into anyone else's house?

I ask, "shoes off or on?" It's a bit different as I clearly know a lot of people from shoes off cultures (and my house was shoes off as a child).

and I should say - I always do take my shoes off when ordered to. I hate it, I'm cold and uncomfortable - but I do it. And I would never ever force anyone to do it in my house that I've invited them in to. Never threaten anyone. Understand that my house is a home, not an investment property or show home, to be used and lived in and yes, sometimes it'll get dirty.

So it’s ok for the OPs outlaws to turn up leave dirty foot marks over the OP cream carpet because it’s outrageous to ask someone to remove there shoes? My in-laws are in there 70s and happily slip off there shoes and bring slippers with them. It’s really not a big issue. It’s a sad day that you have put floor boards down in your new house because you have rude in-laws who don’t care about damaging your carpet with their filthy shoes. There’s no way in hell anyone would be allowed to stomp round my house in muddy footwear. Even when I go to holiday cottages in Scotland most have an area on entry for you to remove your dirty boots and shoes . YANBU but get your DH to man up and tell his parents if they can’t respect your rules then you will visit them at there’s. It will only get worse when your baby arrives

If a bit of mud can ruin your carpets you aren't cleaning them properly.

I also don't believe that someone who is an occasional visitor can ruin carpets.

Well they can. My BIL traipsed oily black mud right through my living room by walking in without taking his shoes off. Luckily we were getting a new carpet anyway because the stains would not come out.

@CassianAndor I’m beginning to wonder if you’re the MIL...

It's a cultural thing. The people who claim they would refuse to take their shoes off wouldn't last two weeks where I live (it's rural but in a village so it's not like people have to walk through muddy fields to get to each others houses). I'm actually not that bothered about shoes on or off as we mainly have wood flooring downstairs and the cat has screwed up the carpet anyway but I'm about the only one. Everyone has shoes off. IF you were OCD enough to be worried about verrucas you'd have to bring some socks or slippers with you or just never visit people's homes.

Do you all take shoes off as the norm going into anyone else's house?

yes.

I automatically take my shoes off and plan for this when visiting someone. Eg I’ll bring socks if necessary etc.

I find it rude if people don’t take their shoes off in my house!

Train your baby to tell her to. My 2 yo body blocks people and says "shoes off please" before they even get out the porch

OP - good luck with never wheeling the buggy in - if it's pissing it down and the baby is asleep you'll just leave it on the porch or wake the baby up? Yeah, right. I've wheeled the buggy into whatever room is convenient (we have a very narrow hallway, no porch) if the baby was asleep. Kitchen, living room, whatever

I personally just left the baby in the hallway whilst I was in the next room... there is no reason why a pram needs to be in your living room!

Nope, not the MIL. Funny how if you disagree with the OP you're always assumed to be the guilty party - I'm not the only one on here not liking shoes-off houses - I'm probably just the most bored and so posting a lot!

I've been on many of these threads over the years and I've yet to see an argument that has persuaded me that ordering your guests to remove their shoes is anything other than inhospitable (I did, however, once persuade someone to realise that this 'request' is actually an order as the answer 'no' is unacceptable). Today might have been the day... but no.

Joan narrow hallway in a mid terrace house. DH's bike has to come through the house twice a day. Oh no, his wheels! Disaster!!!

Jent oh yes, I've had the child ordering me around. My thoughts weren't complimentary...

cassian haha! ours was a narrow hallway in a mid terrace too.. still left the pram in the hallway!

i would be making him lift up the bike.

Why would you purposely dirty your house when you could easily avoid doing so?

Put slippers waiting for them in the porch and don't open the main door until they're on. Alternatively, next time she walks mud in ask her to clean it. She won't mind, as she's chosen to make the place dirty.