Mother-in-Law insistent on not taking off shoes...

[FirstBabyOnTheWay]

MY MIL is lovely, she really is and we have a great relationship but whenever she comes to ours - in wind, rain, sunshine - she will not take her shoes off.

Once, she trod mud through our house and the carpet is still brown in that area - it had been raining horrendously.

We are about to buy a new house, with all new carpets and have a new baby due in August.

My DH asked her to remove her shoes but she won't... I don't know what to do? I am actually having the entire bottom floor done in wood because I am too terrified of her messing the carpets up as she destroyed our old ones. (They were filthy and a carpet cleaner wouldn't bring out the mark).

I don't want shoes in the house with a new baby and we show her round the top floor will be cream/beige carpets!

How do I address this? We are allowed shoes in their house and they have carpets from before my DH was born!!!

HELP... AIBU??????

It's rude not to take off your shoes when asked to do so in someone's house.
When visiting a house for the first time I always ask if I should take my shoes off (if I haven't been asked)
Nearly everyone who comes to my house always asks.
Personally I don't mind if you keep your shoes on or take them off in my house. The only times I will insist you take them off is if your shoes are muddy or it's been raining heavily outside.

it is probably a generation thing, to them asking to take shoes off is really rude, they almost never walk barefoot or with just socks on
to them it gives the impression that you value your carpet more than them I know that's not the intention but that's probably how it comes across, your DH did not come to any harm growing up in a house where people wore shoes so to her it looks like you are being OTT
I do not think it is necessary to wash hands to hold a baby unless you have just come in from digging up potatoes or changing oil in a car
my parents don't take shoes off until not going out again then change to slippers but they do know how doormats work, they don't traipse mud into their own house or mine. I think she might be more amenable if she had proper slippers at your house just for her not random ones, maybe she feels self conscious or not properly dressed being in just socks or tights in other peoples houses, also if there are hard floors you can slip in socks/tights

I just really don't want shoes in the house. I can just about grin and bare a dry day... but raining, mud, new baby, cream carpets, WET TRODDEN FOOTPRINTS. SEND GIN, :(

I defo can't provide the blue hospital shoe things. I think I need to be direct and provide slippers - that stay with us this time. Shall I say something like 'Welcome to our new home, we've just had new carpets put down so to keep them clean and your feet warm, I have purchased you some lovely slippers to wear?'.
Hope my BIL or SIL don't turn up at the same time... they will rip me to pieces. I swear they think I am mad.
DH was so upset with his mum... he is as clean as me!

Cover all the floors in newspaper when she comes to visit and see if she gets the message!

@GrapefruitIsGross YES, 100% control thing.

She is LOVELY in all other areas though and she really is an awesome MIL. Just not with this shoe thing.

Buy her a box of shoe protectors for her birthday/christmas/ whatever.

@CurbsideProphet OMG, he would never speak to her like that. Lol... he is really, really old-fashioned and respectful with his parents.

Me on the other hand would be like 'Mum/Dad, shoes off'.

Senior school mum I hope he also grew a few controls eg of a swab from under his nails, from the bathroom sink etc.

Isn’t there a middle ground here where you have an inside and outside doormat and expect good feet wiping before coming in? I never make guests take their shoes off although we do.

I would give her an option - greet at the door with slippers in one hand and covers in the other and say "welcome to our new home. Would you prefer slippers or shoe covers?" Then don't move until one or the other is picked. She can then have absolutely no other reasonable excuse other than being a control freak.

Personally, I don't mind shoes in our hallway, kitchen and dining room as it's slate throughout, although stilettos are an issue with damage, however I draw the line at living room, that is where shoes come off. The only exception we ever made was dh's elderly grandma and grandad.

Have you ever tried a door mat?

I am another who always says shoes off in the house and it gets on ma tits if DH treads about the hall with his boots on. We have light flooring all downstairs. Lol

I would actually be so direct with MIL and say "can you take your shoes off please" and stand there till she removes them.

If she wont take her shoes off, get your self a few rolls of this and put it down before she visits. When she is leaving, take it up again.

www.amazon.co.uk/polythene-adhesive-protector-Express-Delivery/dp/B00745J28A?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Not great for the environment (and you could mention that when she comes as it would be so much better if she could just pop her shoes off in the hall and wear the comfy slippers you provide and then swap back when she is going to leave) but sometimes needs must.

then if she's lovely don't be a knob about this.

Again - doormat, hallway runner.

Have you ever tried a door mat?

You do realise door mats don't dry soaked shoes or get rid of all dirt off them don't you? A door mat would hardly solve the issue.

Or maybe leave a box of these by the front door and hand her a pair when she arrives in -
www.amazon.co.uk/Omnitex%C2%AE-Disposable-protectors-Embossed-Overshoes/dp/B017WUQYQE/ref=sr_1_2_sspa?psc=1&s=gateway&keywords=shoe+protectors&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1560954615&sr=8-2-spons

Hope my BIL or SIL don't turn up at the same time... they will rip me to pieces. I swear they think I am mad.

If someone “ripped me to pieces” or thought I was mad for not wanting dirty shoes on new carpets, they would stop receiving invitations to my house.

Your house, your rules. When they’re paying for your carpets or paying your mortgage then they can come in with dirty shoes on. Until then, “new carpets so shoes off in the hall please, everyone”. Have slippers ready. Don’t be walked over by disrespectful arses, have some self respect.

I have taken my shoes off and kept my shoes on, depending on what the house owner wants. However, of all the times I have kept them on, I have never traipsed mud/dirt over anyone's carpets. Who does that? It's quite easy to wipe your feet on a mat until they are clean .

I do think there are time's it isn't good manners to ask people to remove their shoes, like when people have dressed up to come to your house for a special event and the shoes are very much part of the outfit.

*times

Just be assertive when she arrives and say “right shoes off please” if she ignores you block her so she can’t get past you and say even louder “our house rule here is shoes off when enter our home otherwise you remain on the doorstep your choice”

If she gets the hump say tough our house our rules take it or leave it. After all inside shoes (slippers) are for inside outside shoes are for outside, she obviously has trouble understanding that, maybe say you wouldn’t go to the shops in your slippers so why would wear your shoes inside your house its madness.

Baffled as to why so many posters seem to think the OP should run around like a blue-arsed fly after her MIL who has no remorse for previously damaging her property, continues to disrespect her wishes and belittles her. MIL doesn't sound lovely and it's not the OP who is being a "knob".

If she's a guest in your house, OP, she can take her shoes off. Better yet, go to her house instead so you don't have to worry!

I grew up on shoes on household and i was fine. So is my baby. Bearing in mind I caught her licking the stroller wheels the other day, I wouldn't worry about germs. And her immune system needs busting anyway.

@doskant completely agree. This is why I think she protectors would work as they're minimal effort and hopefully would make the MIL feel silly.

How is it rude to ask someone to take their shoes off?

It's a class thing. Upper classes think it's rude to ask guests to take shoes off. Working classes think it's rude to leave shoes on in someone's home (especially in rural areas).

As most of us don't have "public areas" in our homes I'd say it's some weird form of snobbery to insist on leaving the shoes on.

If you want a older person to to remove their shoes .
You have provided a chair
And a shoe horn and help

@FirstBabyOnTheWay you need to reign it in a bit with a new baby. A spotless house is REALLY shit for a baby's immume system. Silly strong cleaning products, dettol, bleach etc even more so.

If you want you kid to have asthma, eczema and allergies do carry on. But otherwise drop the Mrs Hinch behaviour as it is harmful to your health and especially your baby's developing and fragile immune system and gut. Moreso than a muddy carpet.

Your PILs carpets might be old and a bit dusty but that is 10,000x better than a brand new sparklingly clean and chemical fumed carpet or rug.