Mother-in-Law insistent on not taking off shoes...

[FirstBabyOnTheWay]

MY MIL is lovely, she really is and we have a great relationship but whenever she comes to ours - in wind, rain, sunshine - she will not take her shoes off.

Once, she trod mud through our house and the carpet is still brown in that area - it had been raining horrendously.

We are about to buy a new house, with all new carpets and have a new baby due in August.

My DH asked her to remove her shoes but she won't... I don't know what to do? I am actually having the entire bottom floor done in wood because I am too terrified of her messing the carpets up as she destroyed our old ones. (They were filthy and a carpet cleaner wouldn't bring out the mark).

I don't want shoes in the house with a new baby and we show her round the top floor will be cream/beige carpets!

How do I address this? We are allowed shoes in their house and they have carpets from before my DH was born!!!

HELP... AIBU??????

I think you’re right Vulpine 😁😁😁

If she has got a valid reason for not taking them off, then she needs to voice it!

Actually, have you ever mopped a pale floor in your outdoor shoes and ended up just leaving perpetual shoe prints all over the floor? When this happens I stand on the mop and squelch around for a bit.

Shows how much grime's on the bottom of the shoes though :)

I hate being asked to take my shoes off at someone’s house. They’re part of my outfit; give me confidence; make my legs look thinner.

I feel really vulnerable exposed in stocking soles... horrible.

Why should people have to reveal their medical details? i didn't. The only time I did it was ignored anyway. Because a lot pf people think if you look fine, then you can't have any real issue.

I’m also unsure as to how sweaty feet all over a floor is more desirable

So basically I just accepted at times my feet would hurt. Still had some resentment about it though.

Why did you not just bring along some indoor shoes Jenny?

I mean.. if you've got a medical condition you don't want to disclose then the problem is side stepped by producing your indoor shoes from your bag and changing into those upon arrival.

The one and basic fundamental thing that seems to be missing with a lot of people on this thread is........manners!! What we all do in OUR OWN HOMES is irrelevant. Surely it is just good manners to do and respect what others do in their own homes. There is never going to be ‘ one size fits all’. We all do our own thing. Just respect other people’s homes and opinions

Depends on your interpretation of manners.

You should provide slippers. A specific set for her, not ones caked in other people's sweat.
I will take my shoes off if asked in other people's homes but don't really like automatically being made to feel vulnerable by someone when I am a guest in their home. But I put up with it rather than be rude. I just wish they realised that it's not very welcoming to order my shoes off and not provide me with alternative footwear.
I used to live in a snowy country where it was just natural to take your outdoor shoes off immediately. People had a few pairs of slippers for guests but unless they were good pals and I didn't care what odd, poorly sized things I put on my feet, I ended up always bringing my own slippers.

I often wear my outdoor shoes in the house. As do my guests. No muddy footprints here. Do none of you own a doormat?

DaisiesAreOurSilver

It's rude to ask people to take off the shoes. Don't ask her.

It is certainly rude to wear shoes in someone’s home when they have asked you to take them off!

I used to spend lots of time at SILs providing free childcare and she would bring her kids to mine so they could mess up my house instead of hers. She used to mock my sister and her passion for shoes off the moment anyone walked in the door. I was always "suit yourself, I have a hoover and a doormat so it doesn't bother me one way or the other". And then sil's kids left home. I brought my own dd around to sil's house assuming it would be the same kind of "come in, shoes on/off, don't care , would you like a cuppa". But it was like a bloody international border. We weren't allowed in until all shoes were stripped off at the door. Apparently she had new white carpet.
I absolutely didn't piss myself laughing when I heard that a few days later some other guest had transferred dye from new dark denim jeans onto their new white leather sofa.

Did anyone notice up thread cms1972 mentioned - toe the line!!

1. Get good doormats
2. Put down a runner when it’s raining.
3. Do NOT buy a cream carpet!! Huge waste of money, with a child. Think poo, sick, juice, and when they get older then, plasticine, felt tips, crayons, food of every colour and texture- but especially pasta sauce and chocolate, mud and grass stains, and endless fluff and specks because you won’t have time or the will to be constantly hoovering.

Honestly. Think again!! And get some help with your ocd so that you and your child can both be happy in your home.

Ugh. I would be livid. Insist on pair of slippers or she doesn't come in I'm afraid.

@rowena children don’t always make a mess on carpets you know. My DD only uses play doh at the table - same for colouring in/other crafts as well. She also doesn’t eat anywhere except the table - why would you let a child eat chocolate/pasta sauce on a cream carpet?! She’s allowed her water cup in the living room but that’s it. Never had a poo incident on my carpet either tbh.

It’s hardly OCD to want your nice carpets to stay that way

Also don’t really understand all these people saying they feel ‘vulnerable’ taking their shoes off! Presumably you’re at a friends house so why do you need your ‘shoe armour’ to feel comfortable. Odd.

Sorry if people have pain in their feet when they take their shoes off but can’t you explain that to your friend/family member and bring some inside shoes with you?

also don’t really understand all these people saying they feel ‘vulnerable’ taking their shoes off ... Odd

I’m not sure you need to ‘understand’ it.

Lots of people are telling you it’s the case.

Trying to dismiss or belittle that feeling because it doesn’t suit you isn’t a particularly nice thing to do.

Sorry if people have pain in their feet when they take their shoes off but can’t you explain that to your friend/family member and bring some inside shoes with you?

I have only once said it, and it was pretty much dismissed. I am not sure you understand how real abelism is? Generally if you look well, then people do not really believe if you say you are not or think you are exaggerating. And no I am not going to pay £50 ( I need decent firm shoes) so I can have indoor shoes I wear once every 6 weeks in a friends house for a few hours.

There is an incredible lack of understanding of what disability actually looks like. Pain or uncomfortable feet without firm shoes is common in many conditions, especially ones older people get. But I am pretty used to nice peoples disablism by this point anyway.

Even my very patient DP is by this point totally fed up of the constant disableism. I am just pretty resigned to it.

Could you buy a box of those disposable shoe covers they have at public baths? I wouldn't let her past until she'd covered her shoes.

This drives me around the bend, and even today at my.Mum's house I got a comment when my kids politely removed their shoes upon entering! My reply "if you went to the high street at 8am each morning like I do and saw it covered in piss from the homeless maybe you'd take your shoes off too"