Mother-in-Law insistent on not taking off shoes...

[FirstBabyOnTheWay]

MY MIL is lovely, she really is and we have a great relationship but whenever she comes to ours - in wind, rain, sunshine - she will not take her shoes off.

Once, she trod mud through our house and the carpet is still brown in that area - it had been raining horrendously.

We are about to buy a new house, with all new carpets and have a new baby due in August.

My DH asked her to remove her shoes but she won't... I don't know what to do? I am actually having the entire bottom floor done in wood because I am too terrified of her messing the carpets up as she destroyed our old ones. (They were filthy and a carpet cleaner wouldn't bring out the mark).

I don't want shoes in the house with a new baby and we show her round the top floor will be cream/beige carpets!

How do I address this? We are allowed shoes in their house and they have carpets from before my DH was born!!!

HELP... AIBU??????

jennymanara and LaurieMarlow clearly the MIL doesn't wipe her feet.

I don't ask people to remove their shoes, but everyone does anyway.

And slippers would not have been an adequate substitute. It had to be study supportive shoes, not something as soft as slippers.

clearly the MIL doesn't wipe her feet.

Perhaps the OP should ask her to do this then, rather than taking off her shoes

YANBU - I know you say she's nice..... but... She clearly isn't bothered about upsetting you..

And OP is clearly not bothered about upsetting her either.

What about your baby is sick or has diarrhoea on the cream carpet?

armit presumably the baby doesnt do that on purpose despite being politely asked not to.

No shoes - You need to ask her for a reason, if no reply assume there may be some embarrassing reason for not removing shoes. Maybe a foot deformity you don't know about. Two things to do : provide an effective doormat inside the entrance to the house. Provide hospital plastic overshoes and wear them yourself as an example.

Happy to answer your various questions. When I’m in my house or I have my slippers with me, I change into them almost immediately. But if I’m at someone else’s and I’m not prepared then I know my feet will get very cold very quickly if I take my shoes off. Nothing comfortably about having cold feet, the rest of me gets cold pretty quickly.

My pram would be in the house because there’s nowhere else to put it. Mid terrace house with a very narrow hallway, if DH would be bringing his bike through to the shed at the back he can’t get it past the buggy in the hall. You think I’m going to leave it outside my front door to get stolen?

However. You are seriously telling me that when one of DH’s oldest friends, who was paralysed in an RTA in his mid 20s and is in a wheelchair, comes to visit I should make him feel like shit by putting down plastic for his wheels to go on?

Filth? You’re the one who is filth.

Hilarious.
Hate taking my shoes off.

What on earth is she walking about on if her shoes make your carpets 'filthy' and cleaners won't get the marks off? She is wrong to walk about with her outdoor shoes but it does rather sound as if she is walking through a building site before getting to your front door. I would buy her some really cosy slippers, and be ABSOLUTELY firm about her putting them on. She gets her way or you get yours - simple as that.

On these threads the "shoes inside is disgusting" people never seem to answer how they deal with pets...

For the love of god, PLEEEEEEEEEEASE no disposable shoe covers!!!

Plastic polution anyone?
Climate emergency anyone?
FFS

(Still staggered at how many of you are Hyacinth Buckets)

A large part of the reason we're in such a mess and have destroyed so much of the world and it's creatures is this constant obsession with perfection and over-cleanliness

Everything has to look new all the time and things are constantly being thrown out and replaced. It's pretty obscene

Wow this thread is still going!

Regardless of your own views on shoes indoors you should respect the persons house you are visiting/have been invited to. Personally it's shoes off everytime and I say that as someone who has no carpet, only hard floor and rugs.

OP's MIL should respect the request, if it was my MIL I would tell her that she either take's her shoes off or she's not welcome. If DH/DP over road me then he would be on his own everytime she visited.

overrode obviously!

If it was my mil I'd say come in, how lovely to see you, and make her feel thoroughly welcome but then I'm not a shoes off obsessive.

Could you buy something like this
https://www.amazon.co.uk/ABS-Guest-Slippers-Friends-Non-Slip/dp/B01GCS9DDI/ref=ascdff_B01GCS9DDI/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=262864261879&hvpos=1o10&hvnetw=g&hvrand=6109548482173794847&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045300&hvtargid=pla-454303039855&psc=1

Good grief... what a contentious subject!!
I think from now on I will simply remove ONE shoe when visiting someone’s house... to hedge my bets like.

I haven’t read the full 19 pages but tour mil’s shoes will be the least of your problems with light carpets and a small child. Our cream carpets (previous owners choice) have been vomited on, weed on, pooed on (differing shades from the newborn yellow to the toddler brown). Obviously we’ve cleaned up but they will never look as nice. Weirdly tooothpaste has been the hardest stain to get out.

We are not replacing yet but will do once our second child is comfortably potty trained and can use a sick bowel.

Not had time to read the whole thread, but really I don't think MIL is deliberately being "rude" as some suggest. She probably just doesn't see the need.

It seems to me the "shoes off indoors" thing is quite a modern development. I don't remember having to do it as a child / teenager / young adult. I will take mine off voluntarily if I can see a good reason, like a cream carpet, or maybe my stiletto heels could cause damage, but otherwise I'd much rather not. Like another poster said, they're part of my outfit. And I'm a guest!

However, I am quite happy not to return if someone prioritises their shag pile over me.

I also get embarrassed if people who come to see me take their shoes off! I order them to put them back on!! I feel like they are putting themselves down almost, by creeping around in their socks. Do they seriously think I find them less important than my carpets and soft furnishings? PUT YOUR SHOES BACK ON!! Immediately!
Carpets are there, oddly enough, to be walked on.
Having said that, my mum had a see-thru plastic runner down the hallway, which seems like a fair compromise.

Do the same back, with horrific wellies? :P

OrangeFluff I have five very small rescued dogs. Usually their paws do not pick up dirt but they are trained to walk across the mat by the door which gets off ordinary dirt. On a bad weather day they walk over an old towel and I wipe their paws. They stay in their beds in the passageway and utility room until they are dry.

I am a wheelchair user too. I don’t bring it into other people’s houses very often but when I do I do offer to wipe the wheels.

It’s just courtesy to do your best not to make another person’s house dirty.

A large part of the reason we're in such a mess and have destroyed so much of the world and it's creatures is this constant obsession with perfection and over-cleanliness

True, but there is also an argument that looking after things more carefully (example: shoes off in the house) can make them last a lot longer and need replacing less frequently. I insist on shoes off partly because it cuts down on unnecessary use of cleaning chemicals and other things.

I am totally with you on the disposable shoe covers though. Really, this kind of stuff makes me so cross.

I am amused at people who are horror struck at prams inside the house! We have nowhere else to put ours, and it is used as a basinnette inside the house for sleeping. If the baby is asleep in the pram when you wheel them home, you can't leave the baby outside the front door and I am certainly not going to wake up a napping baby by getting them out. Pram wheels can be wiped.