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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother-in-Law insistent on not taking off shoes...

551 replies

FirstBabyOnTheWay · 19/06/2019 14:59

MY MIL is lovely, she really is and we have a great relationship but whenever she comes to ours - in wind, rain, sunshine - she will not take her shoes off.

Once, she trod mud through our house and the carpet is still brown in that area - it had been raining horrendously.

We are about to buy a new house, with all new carpets and have a new baby due in August.

My DH asked her to remove her shoes but she won't... I don't know what to do? I am actually having the entire bottom floor done in wood because I am too terrified of her messing the carpets up as she destroyed our old ones. (They were filthy and a carpet cleaner wouldn't bring out the mark).

I don't want shoes in the house with a new baby and we show her round the top floor will be cream/beige carpets!

How do I address this? We are allowed shoes in their house and they have carpets from before my DH was born!!!

HELP... AIBU??????

OP posts:
IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 21/06/2019 01:53

"It seems to me the "shoes off indoors" thing is quite a modern development."

It definitely depends where you come from though.

In rural and/or working class areas, it has always been a thing to take your shoes off when you come inside because people's shoes were dirty from work.

expat101 · 21/06/2019 03:00

Do you have a chair near the front door? Some people just cannot balance on one foot while taking the other shoe off...

Teacher22 · 21/06/2019 05:23

I dislike slippers and wear shoes or ( clean) socks in my own house. I wipe my feet or take dirty outdoor shoes off and clean and dry them. I also have pair of indoor shoes I wear around the house as an alternative to slippers.

I do not ask people to take their shoes off in my house and have never found that they have not wiped their feet thoroughly. The OP’s MIL seems to be a bit of an exception if she has actually ruined carpets.

When in others’ houses I hate being told to take my shoes off and I think fair warning should be given that this will be the case. I have two friends who have a ‘ no shoes’ policy and I take a pair of ballet flats which actually go with the clothes I am wearing when I visit them. I am quite happy with this.

I think the commenter who mentioned that the ‘ shoes/no shoes’ thing is a question of power play has hit the nail on the head. Removing a guest’s shoe’s is a way of disarming them and putting them at a disadvantage on the host’s territory.

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 21/06/2019 05:36

"Removing a guest’s shoe’s is a way of disarming them and putting them at a disadvantage on the host’s territory."

Or it's a way of keeping carpets clean.

You know, whichever is the less completely bonkers suggestion.

borntobequiet · 21/06/2019 05:46

I was a child in the 50s and we had outdoor shoes and indoor shoes. It’s nothing new, and is common sense. Get her a pair of slippers.

1Wanda1 · 21/06/2019 06:20

There was an article in the papers this week about new scientific research showing that wearing outdoor shoes indoors reduces the risk of children developing asthma by exposing them to more bacteria.

So you could take some comfort in that. But I would just be insistent about making her take her shoes off. Who cares if she thinks you're mental?

loveskaka · 21/06/2019 06:25

She just wouldn't be visiting then 🤷🏼‍♀️

Cobblersandhogwash · 21/06/2019 06:44

It's a way of disarming guests?

I've never heard such shit in my life.

Ihatehashtags · 21/06/2019 06:52

I hate taking shoes off inside in the winter. My feet get freezing, especially when someone only has rugs and floor boards or doesn’t heat their house properly. It’s awful.

Thehop · 21/06/2019 06:53

I bought my mum some cheap shower caps from home bargains and made her put them over her shoes.

ArDali1 · 21/06/2019 07:36

😱😱 To some of the pp that said its rude to ask to take shoes off, no, it's the opposite it's rude to enter a house and keep your shoes on unless told to keep it on. You might like to keep shoes on in your house that's fine, but some don't like it and you have to respect that.

As much as I like the look of carpets I would go for wooden floors if I were in your position. It's more hygienic and easier to clean. Your MIL can enter the house with her shoes on and you can just mop after she leaves.

ToffeePennie · 21/06/2019 07:42

My in-laws are like this. They can’t stand not having their feet covered. They bought two pairs(each) of slippers and keep them at our house.
As nice as they can be, it drives me insane. I have a pair of slippers only for the coldest of cold days. Our floors are all carpet. Argh!

ToffeePennie · 21/06/2019 07:45

Sorry should have added - their slippers are disgusting. Really grubby soles and smell to high heaven. They keep them with the rest of the shoes and I’ve noticed my nice Ruby’s and ic have started to get the same stench, so I now keep theirs in a separate shoe box. They’re grubby, worn out, holey and thoroughly disgusting. So unless you buy brand new slippers that she will wear, don’t think that slippers will change much.

celticprincess · 21/06/2019 07:54

Why are you so concerned about your new baby. Seriously it won’t kill them. I can understand about wanting to keep the carpets from being ruined. Carpets upstairs in a child’s bedroom will probably get ruined anyway when you start toilet training. For this reason I’ve had wood floors since we moved into our house and haven’t thought about carpets until the kids will be at high school. My kids take their shoes off when they come into the house - they seem to like being bare foot and it can get noisy too if they don’t. I quite often keep mine on depending which ones I’m wearing. I hoover and clean my floor regularly. Babies crawl around parks and soft plays where there are far more germs to pick up. My kids are rarely sick. My house is clean and tidy but mopping floors isn’t a daily thing. Crumbs are hoovered multiple times a day.

Damntheman · 21/06/2019 07:58

I love love these threads 😂 I never brought my baby plus pram in if they were sleeping when we got home. In fact I deliberately put them both outside to sleep every nap. But that's scandiland for you ;)

1 shoe off to hedge bets 😂😂😂

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 21/06/2019 08:03

I’m sure it’s been suggested already but just make her wear those alluring blue plastic shoes covers...

Mother-in-Law insistent on not taking off shoes...
Praiseyou · 21/06/2019 08:04

I have never been asked to take my shoes off in someone's house and wouldn't dream of asking people to do so in ours.

Do they walk around in their socks / barefoot? What about veruccas?

If you have slippers for guests, does each guest get a new pair or would I have to slip my foot into the sweaty residue of your dear old uncle who has a fungal nail infection?

borntobequiet · 21/06/2019 08:08

A good way of disarming guess is to ask politely and have a handy receptacle by the front door for their knives, guns, rocket launchers and so on.

If they refuse either get them disposable plastic covers for said weapons, or call the police.

borntobequiet · 21/06/2019 08:09

guests FFS

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 21/06/2019 08:34

"Removing a guest’s shoe’s is a way of disarming them and putting them at a disadvantage on the host’s territory."
GrinGrinGrin

LaurieMarlow · 21/06/2019 08:41

So those horrified at prams indoors I ask again, what else are you supposed to do with them?

crankysaurus · 21/06/2019 08:57

Find a sale on and but twenty pairs of slippers. Then if they keep taking then home, as they did before, you can keep playing that game for a while. Or as summer's kind of here, only let them into the garden on their visits.

Damntheman · 21/06/2019 08:59

Fungal infections and verucas have never once been an issue in my 12 years of shoe off home. Maybe not wearing shoes constantly is good for foot health? I have no idea!

Guests usually bring their own slippers/indoor shoes if they want them. Although I do have one friend who just happily wears my old slippers. I think he secretly likes boot slippers ;)

7yo7yo · 21/06/2019 09:00

It’s a shame this has turned into a shoes on vs shoes of debate.
Op if you don’t want anyone to wear shoes in the house you are DH are paying for than they shouldn’t.
They may not return or may take the piss but that’s their decision.
Lay the ground rules out now and if mil, fil, Bil or sil have a problem with it then they don’t need to return.
It would be a shame but like you have your line in the sand, they may also decided that that is theirs.

Sb74 · 21/06/2019 09:23

It’s family so of course you can asked them to take their shoes off. Anyone with manners would offer in the first place.

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