Mother-in-Law insistent on not taking off shoes...

[FirstBabyOnTheWay]

MY MIL is lovely, she really is and we have a great relationship but whenever she comes to ours - in wind, rain, sunshine - she will not take her shoes off.

Once, she trod mud through our house and the carpet is still brown in that area - it had been raining horrendously.

We are about to buy a new house, with all new carpets and have a new baby due in August.

My DH asked her to remove her shoes but she won't... I don't know what to do? I am actually having the entire bottom floor done in wood because I am too terrified of her messing the carpets up as she destroyed our old ones. (They were filthy and a carpet cleaner wouldn't bring out the mark).

I don't want shoes in the house with a new baby and we show her round the top floor will be cream/beige carpets!

How do I address this? We are allowed shoes in their house and they have carpets from before my DH was born!!!

HELP... AIBU??????

In some cultures it's considered rude to leave your shoes on indoors.

I take mine off … think about where they've been, what they've walked in … do you really want that on your floors?

Buy her slippers to keep at yours.

If she refuses to wear them don't show her upstairs and tell her why!

@DaisiesAreOurSilver
You're right.They shouldn't ask,they should DEMAND it.It's their home,their rules😉

Relevant to this. When visiting the hindu temple at Neasden everyone is required to remove shoes and place them in pigeon holes at a changing area. This temple is carpeted. People keep their socks on. However, I rely on supportive ankle boots to get around as my ankles are deformed by arthritis. I just grinned and bore it at the temple.
I had a friend had endured some appalling surgery which left one foot with the toes curled in so that her foot looked more like a club. For years I did not know this until sharing a room on holiday. Just give some thought to the comfort of guests and for heaven's sake don't carpet your hall and house with pale shades. Carpets that completely disguise stains of every sort are oriental rugs. Nice ones laid on wooden flooring look very traditional and up market.

What? Buy carpets that can be cleaned. When your baby comes you will find things embedded in places you did not know existed.

TBH, cream/beige carpets are just asking for it! My carpets are all those Axminster swirly/floral patterns and that camouflages an awful lot.

I hired a carpet shampoo professional to give them all their Centenary Celebratory scrub and they were a different colour afterwards.

I really mustn't let them get that grotty again......

I hate shoes in the house - it's fucking rude and dirty. Slippers for all.

What about your baby is sick or has diarrhoea on the cream carpet?

I have cream carpets and a toddler. Baby poo and sick comes out, trodden in mud is waaaaay more difficult to get out.

Maybe she has awful big bunions she doesn't want anyone to see! I would still insist she takes off her shoes - it is your house after all. But buy her some slippers for her to keep at your house for her to wear.

why is it rude to ask someone to take off their shoes? It's even more rude to not follow someone else's house rules and bring dirt and filth from outside into their house. I have pretty house slippers for people who can't go without shoes but no way I want anyone walking around with outside shoes in my house.

I just feel put out when I'm asked to remove my shoes. It seems overly hygienic & unnecessarily pedantic. The message is, you've come to see me but you need to toe the line, because you're not as important as my soft furnishings. It really does feel rude to me. I'd rather not visit someone if that's their attitude.
I guess there's an underlying message too, that my standards aren't as high as theirs. Of course everyone's different & some people have been brought up to take shoes off & that's what's normal for them. It just doesn't feel normal to me. I feel at a slight disadvantage, padding around in my socks. I do take them off at my sister's house to go upstairs, because she's got cream carpet up the stairs. I can see the logic in not messing it up. If someone's got fancy padded lino or something like that & a heel would leave a mark on it, I'd take them off then, too. I don't want to be responsible for actually damaging someone's floor. So basically if I can see a reason, I'll take my shoes off, that's fine. But otherwise carpet is there to walk on, and people are more important than carpets.

Buy her a pair of slippers but also keep 2 carrier bags by your front door. Tell her the choice is the shoes come off and the slippers go in or she puts the carrier bags on her feet. Your house your rules. If she told you in her house you put your mug on a coaster but at home you would put it on the side you follow that rule so she should abide by yours in your home.

Some people on this thread are really acting like being asked to remove their shoes is a terrorist act.

And some people ignore those who comment that removing shoes means their feet hurt and walking is less easy.

What is rude is:
a) Not wiping your feet when you come into a house, especially if it is wet outside
b) Not noticing that everyone else has taken their shoes off and not offering to remove yours
c) The host demanding that all visitors remove their shoes

I don't ask because I don't need to. Anyone who comes to my house is socially aware enough to know that you either wipe your feet carefully or you take your shoes off. I wear slippers at home because they are more comfortable than shoes. Everyone else I know does the same.

@jennymanara They haven't been ignored. Many shoes off posters have said there are clearly some exceptions. So...what now?

That's quite a limited circle of acquaintances.

My experience is that people do not make exceptions except in extreme circumstances.

Like it or not, it’s a class issue.
Working and upper have much in common and aren’t much arsed, but wouldn’t walk round in wellies or filthy boots I reckon.
Lower middle etc like all outdoor shoes off because of germs and pale carpets.

I don’t understand this debate! Wearing shoes that have been outside when inside the house is disgusting! There’s all sorts on pavements - mud, dog wee/poo, people spitting, fag ends, gum and god knows what else. Why would you want that tracked inside your house?! It’s also really uncomfortable to keep shoes on. I don’t know anyone except my in-laws abroad in a hot country with tile floors throughout who don’t take their shoes off indoors. If you refuse to take your shoes off then you ain’t walking on my carpets!

Does anyone actually know anyone who has become unwell through close contact with a walked on carpet?
Before it starts, I am excluding those with compromised immune systems.

Hermione I accept it is really uncomfortable for you to keep shoes on. Without shoes my feet used to hurt a bit. This is not uncommon.

Agree, buy her a really nice pair of slippers.

Or if she doesn't like slippers some "house shoes" so normal shoes which just stay at yours and don't go outside. My husband has a pair of trainers just for inside

I would Imagine there is more of a transfer of germs during oral sex than dirt in carpets but I may be wrong

Basically any illness that affects the feelings or nerves in your feet can mean that wearing shoes is much more comfortable.