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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For leaving the house at the same time every day?

140 replies

Fruityb · 19/06/2019 08:54

DH was a massive prick this morning just to preface this...

Every morning I leave the house at 7:30. This gives me time to drop my son off at childminder, quick chat, beat some traffic, pop to Tesco express for two minutes and get to work for 8. I have done this routine for two years since I went back to work after mat leave. It means I can get to work and get prepped for the day (I’m a teacher) and check in with who I need to.

Since we moved our driveway means one car is behind the other. As he gets home after me dh is usually at the back which means I end up waiting for him. He NEVER gets out of bed in the mornings to help with DS. I’m up at 6:15 so I can be ready for when DS wakes up - which can be the same time - so he goes in with DH while I get ready in the spare room. I then get ds dressed, get his breakfast, pack his bag and get him ready. DH gets out of bed somewhere between 7:20 and 7:30 which is beginning to piss me off. He didn’t always - he used to leave before me but recently we’ve often been waiting for him. This morning at 7:30 he was still getting dressed and when I told him to hurry up got incredibly shitty about how I have to leave at the same time and how my routine gets on his nerves. He shouted at me in front of ds (who told him off for it; he’s nearly 3!) and went and moved his car half ready. Ds and I left without saying another word.

Aibu?? Am I ridiculous for this or is he taking the piss? I don’t see why I should have to compromise and work around him because he can’t get his arse out of bed. He’s laid there reading the news - he could easily get up with us and help with breakfast or pack ds bag. But no - all that is me.

I don’t think I am and I don’t think I’m weird for leaving the house at the same time. He doesn’t take ds to Cm as he says it means the traffic is busier for him getting to work - five minutes makes a huge difference here - but then leaves when I do anyway!! He could take him he just chooses not to imho. I probably do 80% of the parenting in the week - it’s exhausting.

I do put ds to bed at the same time and I go to bed at the same time every night as sleep is important to me. I am mentally drained all day and need that time to switch off: I don’t go to sleep as invariably dh comes to bed later and starts talking to me anyway! Doesn’t everyone do that?? Doesn’t everyone leave at the same time to get there at the same time?!

I also pick ds up every night, sort dinner out and generally do all that. Dh comes home anywhere between half five and seven - sometimes later - and the only heads up I get is usually when he’s getting in the car when he’s leaving.

Don’t get me wrong - dh is an awesome dad and a great husband but mainly at weekends! In the week he’s difficult and doesn’t get that routine is important to me and ds needs it too.

OP posts:

CruellaFeinberg · 19/06/2019 08:56

You dont have a car parking problem, (to use a mn phrase) you have a lazy dh problem

Munchkingoat · 19/06/2019 08:59

Why on earth are you doing EVERYTHING when you both work?? Obviously he's being a total arse but you really need a better distribution of labour in your house.

As for the cars if it were me I'd probably swap the cars over in the evening to save stress in the morning though.

Shoxfordian · 19/06/2019 09:00

Why can't you just take his car? Get insured on both then it's not an issue

ThatsUnusual · 19/06/2019 09:00

Your DH is being a dick.

He's annoyed that your routine is getting in the way of his lazy news-reading mornings.

Being a good dad when it suits you (weekends) is not being a good dad. Insist he take up much more responsibility, he should be helping in the morning.

Short term, can you move your cars in the evening so you don't have to wait for him to move it in the morning?

Tippexy · 19/06/2019 09:00

Swap themrou the night before.

And dump him.

Finfintytint · 19/06/2019 09:03

He's not being an awesome dad or a great husband.
I'd move the car myself and park it half a mile away

PotolBabu · 19/06/2019 09:03

No he’s not an awesome dad if 5 days out of 7 he does not parent. Either you have a chat with him and he changes or you contemplate your long term future with this man.
I keep saying this but people on MN accept the bare minimum from their husbands. You need to tell him that from now on he will be getting DS ready and if he is home doing bedtime at least 3/4 days a week. Because he’s a parent too. How he reacts to being told to do normal parental duties will be very telling.

For comparison my DH works absurd hours (medic) and he gets up and makes packed lunch for the kids. Makes breakfast, makes me tea, has a shower, does some laundry and goes to work. Whenever he is back in time for bedtime he does it solo for both kids. He doesn’t lie in on either weekend and is up looking after them (since I do 100% of the school run and almost all of the post school care and dinner and cooking). If I have to catch up with work on the weekend he will take both kids out. He also irons all uniform on the weekend for the kids and does some batch cooking (I do the bulk). He will do the bins and the garden (not just on weekends). And in return I do all the mental labour relating to kids, everything from birthday parties, to who needs what for school and preschool, all the shopping, bulk of the cooking and cleaning.

cheeserolls · 19/06/2019 09:04

Get him to swap them over when he gets home the night before. Then he can be a lazy arse in the morning.

Why do these threads always have a caveat like this - 'Don’t get me wrong - dh is an awesome dad and a great husband but ........'

Great husbands and awesome dads don't shout at mothers and they do their share.
Sounds like you do everything and he's a dick head TBH.

Neverender · 19/06/2019 09:05

He doesn't sound like an awesome Dad. He sounds oblivious to what you and DS need and he's prioritising himself.

user1494055864 · 19/06/2019 09:05

Wow, I think the car parking issue is the least of your problems! Of course you need to leave at the same time every morning. He is not a good husband and awesome dad! You are kidding yourself.

sittingonacornflake · 19/06/2019 09:08

He sounds like a knob. Sorry.

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 19/06/2019 09:09

Why do posters always put the disclaimer in that their DH is an “awesome Dad and great husband” when he is clearly anything but, really wish some women would set their bar higher.

pumpkinpie01 · 19/06/2019 09:10

He sounds really lazy, how can he lie in bed all morning while you do everything and think that's acceptable? It isn't, and I really don't think his behaviour constitutes a good parent or husband. (For context my DH worked a one off night shift yesterday on overtime, so stayed awake all night with no prior sleep, got in walked dog then took DS to school he was absolutely shattered but he didn't complain once).

Caffeto · 19/06/2019 09:10

If I was you, I would park my car off the drive tonight, get up and get myself ready tomorrow and leave on time.

I would leave him with DS to get him ready and do CM drop off, maybe then he will realise why timing is important!

As an aside, you shouldn't be doing so much on your own! He needs to step up his parenting alot. Put your foot down.

Disfordarkchocolate · 19/06/2019 09:11

He isn't an awesome Dad or husband he is a weekend Disney Dad who lives in the same house. He needs to stop being so selfish and start being an active parent and husband. If this doesn't change one day you'll wake up and think I might as well be on my own because I'm lonely and there would be less work to do if he wasn't here. Set him straight on the possible consequences of his actions.

Lovelycabinet · 19/06/2019 09:13

He’s not an awesome dad. He’s lazy. Re the car get him to move it the night before.

Lovelycabinet · 19/06/2019 09:15

Are you not rocking the boat because you want another child?

Bookofjudith · 19/06/2019 09:17

Could you skip around the bed singing:

Get up, get up you lazy fuck
It’s time to move the car
I’ve sorted the shit
You’re one massive twit
And it’s time for me to raise the bar

buckeejit · 19/06/2019 09:18

He's a dick. If you're home first park closest to the exit. If he doesn't like it he can move your car to get his in then put yours back on the drive ready to leave. If you're doing the cooking & putting dc to bed then he has time to do this while you're doing that & leaves him time to clean up kitchen & do dishes. Either that or he starts leaving dc off.

buckeejit · 19/06/2019 09:19

@Bookofjudith brilliant! Will you start doing my birthday cards for dh?!

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 19/06/2019 09:22

He's a arse. Routine is what keeps our heads above water when children are young - he would know that if he was pulling his weight at home.

JellyBaby666 · 19/06/2019 09:22

Leaving the house at the same time everyday is not your issue (FWIW I do too, to make a certain train so I won't be late, isn't that normal?!). The issue here is your husband is clearly not a great Dad or husband if he's so willing to be passive in his parenting, and in how he supports you.

But you also need to stop enabling this ridiculousness.

There needs to be an honest conversation between you two where you tell him how unsupported you feel and he agrees to be less of a dick. You both work, why should everything fall to you? That's not okay and is a terrible example for your son.

notacooldad · 19/06/2019 09:24

Love that he is a lazy arse, you do everything, he wakes you up when you need your sleep, you so 80 % of the patenting yet he is an awesome father and a great dad
Seriously?

CripsSandwiches · 19/06/2019 09:25

YANBU. Is DH always grumpy or is this an early morning thing. In terms of the parking I'd just insist you swap the cars over the night before (is there street parking you could use until DH gets home?). If this isn't just an earl morning grumpy thing and DH is always inconsiderate and lazy I'd be wanting to fix that ASAP.

tomatostottie · 19/06/2019 09:26

I presume there is no on-street parking or somewhere else where he can park.
Otherwise I would get the cars moved the evening before and tough if he doesn't like it.
It's non-negotiable - you need to leave at 7.30 am at everyday, end of story. So he can either move the car in the evening or in the morning.

I think he is an absolute massive prick - lying around like a fucking prince reading the newspapers in the morning when he has a small child in the house. He needs to be out of bed and doing his half of the morning routine and not leaving it all to you.

He's not an awesome dad and a great husband. He is a selfish tosser who wants everything his own way. Sure, he can be great at the weekends but weekends are only a small proportion of the time. It's the working week that is hard - for everyone - and he needs to be sharing the workload half-half with you as both of you are working.

Tell him he has to shape up or ship. Absolutely ridiculous man-child entitled behaviour.

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