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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For leaving the house at the same time every day?

140 replies

Fruityb · 19/06/2019 08:54

DH was a massive prick this morning just to preface this...

Every morning I leave the house at 7:30. This gives me time to drop my son off at childminder, quick chat, beat some traffic, pop to Tesco express for two minutes and get to work for 8. I have done this routine for two years since I went back to work after mat leave. It means I can get to work and get prepped for the day (I’m a teacher) and check in with who I need to.

Since we moved our driveway means one car is behind the other. As he gets home after me dh is usually at the back which means I end up waiting for him. He NEVER gets out of bed in the mornings to help with DS. I’m up at 6:15 so I can be ready for when DS wakes up - which can be the same time - so he goes in with DH while I get ready in the spare room. I then get ds dressed, get his breakfast, pack his bag and get him ready. DH gets out of bed somewhere between 7:20 and 7:30 which is beginning to piss me off. He didn’t always - he used to leave before me but recently we’ve often been waiting for him. This morning at 7:30 he was still getting dressed and when I told him to hurry up got incredibly shitty about how I have to leave at the same time and how my routine gets on his nerves. He shouted at me in front of ds (who told him off for it; he’s nearly 3!) and went and moved his car half ready. Ds and I left without saying another word.

Aibu?? Am I ridiculous for this or is he taking the piss? I don’t see why I should have to compromise and work around him because he can’t get his arse out of bed. He’s laid there reading the news - he could easily get up with us and help with breakfast or pack ds bag. But no - all that is me.

I don’t think I am and I don’t think I’m weird for leaving the house at the same time. He doesn’t take ds to Cm as he says it means the traffic is busier for him getting to work - five minutes makes a huge difference here - but then leaves when I do anyway!! He could take him he just chooses not to imho. I probably do 80% of the parenting in the week - it’s exhausting.

I do put ds to bed at the same time and I go to bed at the same time every night as sleep is important to me. I am mentally drained all day and need that time to switch off: I don’t go to sleep as invariably dh comes to bed later and starts talking to me anyway! Doesn’t everyone do that?? Doesn’t everyone leave at the same time to get there at the same time?!

I also pick ds up every night, sort dinner out and generally do all that. Dh comes home anywhere between half five and seven - sometimes later - and the only heads up I get is usually when he’s getting in the car when he’s leaving.

Don’t get me wrong - dh is an awesome dad and a great husband but mainly at weekends! In the week he’s difficult and doesn’t get that routine is important to me and ds needs it too.

OP posts:
ceeveebee · 19/06/2019 16:42

I would park on the road tonight, then tomorrow just get up and go at 7am (can’t be criticised that you always leave at the same time then!)

Then your DH will have to get your DS up and drop him at the childminder for once.

BrendasUmbrella · 19/06/2019 17:25

Don’t get me wrong - dh is an awesome dad and a great husband but mainly at weekends!

Ugh. Can someone look for that parenting bar for men again please, maybe it rolled under the sofa?

BrendasUmbrella · 19/06/2019 17:28

Why do women always say this after describing a lazy prick!

I know... Internalized misogyny perhaps? Must never criticize a man without offering up some praise too, even if it's bollocks.

If someone is an awesome Dad and great husband at weekends, two days out of seven, they're a shit Dad and a shit husband.

JustMe9 · 19/06/2019 17:39

Your hubby is NOWHERE NEAR AWESOME LOL he sounds like a douchebag. My husband isnt awesome but we ha exact the same parking scenario in our previous house. He would come back later and block my car. But ge ALWAYS every single night would go and swop them without me asking. So it would be nice and quick for me to get out in the mornings. He also gets up earlier in morning to make our lb breakfast and cooks us dinner every night as Im useless in a kithcen lol well maybe my hubby is actually awesome :)))

Ginger1982 · 19/06/2019 17:49

You need to sort out more with your husband than cars but as short term measure could you not park on the street when you get home so that he has to go into the driveway then you pull in behind him?

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 19/06/2019 18:01

I wish society deemed it acceptable for me to only be a good Mum at weekends. What a life that would be! I could definitely parent more enthusiastically (and with less reliance on wine and biscuits) if I only had to do it 2 days out of 7.

Napqueen1234 · 19/06/2019 18:02

OP can you let us know how the conversation goes? I’d be interested to see how he reacts to being called out on his behaviour! If he’s a genuinely nice guy as you say he is perhaps he will be more apologetic than we all expect! Grin

SaintEyning · 19/06/2019 18:14

OP we had exactly this issue with a long skinny drive. My XDP had my spare car key in his car so would bung his across a neighbour’s drive for 2 mins, move mine out and park it across another drive, put his in and then repark mine. I had his key as well and car seats in both (useful for play dates as they get older) so worst case was we swapped cars. It just needs a little bit of planning and no more mithering will be achieved.

NannyRed · 19/06/2019 18:17

Try doing the car swap on the drive as soon as he gets home at night.
He pulls into the drive, you grab your keys and run out, he pulls off, you pull off, he pulls on, you’re in the right place.

Or after you’ve put little one to bed if that’s more convenient.

Parker231 · 19/06/2019 18:19

Swop cars around the night before but leave him to sort out DS. The one who leaves last in the morning does the morning child care and drop off. He’s lazy - he can get up earlier!

HarleyS · 19/06/2019 18:28

He can't even move his car!! That's not even a household chore.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 19/06/2019 18:36

You're modelling a life to your son where women only do drudge work. Men get to avoid parenting and just do the nice bits.

If he did his fair share.. You could have a later start. Feel less rushed.

Every single sucessful family I know where both parents work the parents share the morning child care... The 2 couples that were similar to yours... Where the men behaved as if they weren't parents and the women did everything... 5 years dowb the line... They're divorced... The women got fed up of having men who weren't taking a proper share... Which is 50 per cent if you both work....

Please stop enabling him!!

BlueSkiesLies · 19/06/2019 18:40

He probably has a solid gold dick or something to make up for being a general douchebag

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 19/06/2019 18:56

I’d be interested to see how he reacts to being called out on his behaviour! If he’s a genuinely nice guy as you say he is perhaps he will be more apologetic than we all expect!

In my experience men like this are actually very good at apologising when they're challenged. It's making actual changes and sustaining those changes they seem less good at, especially when those changes involve their life becoming a bit less cushy.

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 20/06/2019 08:27

I feel OP may be too embarrassed to come back to this thread now she sees the 'great dad and husband' trope called out as BS! I hope she acts on this knowledge and gets him to step up as a parent in the week, not just weekends (when it's much easier).

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