For leaving the house at the same time every day?

[Fruityb]

DH was a massive prick this morning just to preface this...

Every morning I leave the house at 7:30. This gives me time to drop my son off at childminder, quick chat, beat some traffic, pop to Tesco express for two minutes and get to work for 8. I have done this routine for two years since I went back to work after mat leave. It means I can get to work and get prepped for the day (I’m a teacher) and check in with who I need to.

Since we moved our driveway means one car is behind the other. As he gets home after me dh is usually at the back which means I end up waiting for him. He NEVER gets out of bed in the mornings to help with DS. I’m up at 6:15 so I can be ready for when DS wakes up - which can be the same time - so he goes in with DH while I get ready in the spare room. I then get ds dressed, get his breakfast, pack his bag and get him ready. DH gets out of bed somewhere between 7:20 and 7:30 which is beginning to piss me off. He didn’t always - he used to leave before me but recently we’ve often been waiting for him. This morning at 7:30 he was still getting dressed and when I told him to hurry up got incredibly shitty about how I have to leave at the same time and how my routine gets on his nerves. He shouted at me in front of ds (who told him off for it; he’s nearly 3!) and went and moved his car half ready. Ds and I left without saying another word.

Aibu?? Am I ridiculous for this or is he taking the piss? I don’t see why I should have to compromise and work around him because he can’t get his arse out of bed. He’s laid there reading the news - he could easily get up with us and help with breakfast or pack ds bag. But no - all that is me.

I don’t think I am and I don’t think I’m weird for leaving the house at the same time. He doesn’t take ds to Cm as he says it means the traffic is busier for him getting to work - five minutes makes a huge difference here - but then leaves when I do anyway!! He could take him he just chooses not to imho. I probably do 80% of the parenting in the week - it’s exhausting.

I do put ds to bed at the same time and I go to bed at the same time every night as sleep is important to me. I am mentally drained all day and need that time to switch off: I don’t go to sleep as invariably dh comes to bed later and starts talking to me anyway! Doesn’t everyone do that?? Doesn’t everyone leave at the same time to get there at the same time?!

I also pick ds up every night, sort dinner out and generally do all that. Dh comes home anywhere between half five and seven - sometimes later - and the only heads up I get is usually when he’s getting in the car when he’s leaving.

Don’t get me wrong - dh is an awesome dad and a great husband but mainly at weekends! In the week he’s difficult and doesn’t get that routine is important to me and ds needs it too.

re parking - why on earth don't you park on the street until your DH gets home and then move your car on to the driveway? Or just leave it parked on the street?

@Fruityb
Don’t get me wrong - dh is an awesome dad and a great husband but mainly at weekends! In the week he’s difficult and doesn’t get that routine is important to me and ds needs it too
Why do women always say this after describing a lazy prick!

I have the same driveway issue and you just need to sort car positions out the night before. So either do a shuffle the night before or you park on the road until he gets back and then put your car on your drive afterwards.

Your dh being a lazy arse and shouting at you is something you need to tackle.

(Our habit is that the last one to get up makes the bed).

I dare say the OP hasn’t thought about swapping cars around the night before, because she has probably been too busy making dinner and looking after the child, while her prick of a husband has some ‘me time’ after work. But it’s ok, because he can be Disney dad at the weekend. You and your child deserve better.

As other people have said you need to switch the cats around the night before (we have the same problem).

Also when my DH and I had issues with who was doing their fair share around the house, we made a list of all chores, cleaning, cooking and parenting tasks. We then put an approximate time next to each task. Once he sees the time difference between what you do and what he does hopefully it will make him understand that he needs to do more.

When he says but I don’t get home till half 7, you can say ok great I’ll do the evenings and you do the mornings!

Take his car, if he hasn't moved it. He'll like that even less.

Move the cars around not the cats!!!

I read so many OPs like this on MN that I sometimes despair of women ever realising that fathers should actually parent too. The replies here give me hope though. A general consensus of "awesome dad and great husband? Nah, mate!"

Just take his car!! Surely that's the easiest solution?

Although the parenting issues do need to be addressed too..

dh is an awesome dad and a great husband but mainly at weekends!

Argh!!! No, he's a lazy, aggressive twat.

He should be getting up in the morning and sharing responsibilities - looking after ds, getting ready, taking ds to CM - and the same in the evening.

Your ds is growing up thinking this is the norm.

Absolutely agree with p.o.. no more kids until he makes a true lasting change. It pisses me off when women keep having kids with these men!

Setting aside all the lazy DH bits, why on earth don't you just swap your cars round in an evening? We did that for years. It was no big deal.

Tell him the dual working parent thing just isn't working out and is causing a lot of shared stress. Say one of you (probably the higher earner) needs to quit to become a SAHP, you need to tighten your belts and the working parent try and step up their career to make ends meet. Be dead serious about it. Dual working requires collaboration and you ain't got it. Might jolt him into making changes if he feels that you are serious about this......

Your DH is lazy. But we had this problem. It just meant that whenever DH got home, he can in, picked up my keys and swapped the cars. Or sometimes would call when 1 min away and I'd go out, more my car out then park behind him. No biggie.

dh is an awesome dad and a great husband but mainly at weekends

No No No he isn't. He's a lazy git and a selfish self centred knob.Awesome dads and great husbands are awesome and great all the time not just at the weekend.

He's a lazy git and a selfish self centred knob. If you are both working full time, he should be stepping up and doing 50% of the housework and the childcare, then you wouldn't be so exhausted.

You need to have a serious talk.

Oh I dream of a house with a driveway... but since we don't - DH parks at the end of the street as my car's usually the one involving small child wrangling tasks.

If the split of labour works for you - fine... and I totally get the need to leave at the same time every morning - I used to have a shitter of a commute into central Newcastle and if I left 5 minutes either side of my usual time each morning I hit ALL the traffic, if I left on time I got a totally clear run at it. Even now we have a precision time arrangement going on on a morning to do the school run timed according to the Cbeebies schedule (I am soooo fucked if they ever move Go Jetters).

I did say he’s an awesome husband because I am happy in this relationship and we work together well. But you’re right in terms of our child we do not. This isn’t right is it.

Well you obviously don't work well together because he is being a lazy prick and does nothing.
Maybe you worked well together before your child was born but he obviously hasn't adapted to this. So he needs telling.
What a pain in the arse he is.

OP
I think you should honestly ask yourself why your bar is set so low?
Don’t just scoff at what I’m saying but really ask yourself why you have allowed your life to become one of doing the day to day drudgery whilst defending your awesome, weekend only, husband to us?

so I can move it onto the drive when he gets back.

Start the way you mean to go on. Why wouldn't he move your car for you, do you never drive each other' cars?

Oh and last one up makes the bed, obvs.

Agree with PotulBabu, standards can be so low (not just on Mn, in real life too!). I have a friend whose husband has never gotten up with their baby in the night, using the excuse that he is BF (even though one example she gave me was where the baby had woken 7 times in the night and only been BF twice!). And another who has only changed 4 nappies in 4 months!

I digress. YANBU. You're doing almost everything, it's ridiculous. I would divide the labour now. As you're doing all drop offs, pick ups and getting tea ready, it's only fair your "D"H does everything in the morning for your DS, getting him ready for 7:25 in time for you to leave!

PotolBabu oops misspelled the username

Like PPs have said, I dont get why you dont switch cars around the night before.

But theres a bigger problem here of your DH not pulling his weight around the house. He's not an awesome dad or good husband. My DH doesn't do anything at the moment but he lives 100 miles away and at the weekends when he's back, he's on top of everything so I get a complete break from house and child stuff because I deal with it on the week days.

When he was here, everything was split evenly and will be again when we join him at the new place later this year. We both get lie-ins on different days of the weekend, we work around each other and pick up each other's slack when needed (like when ill). That's an awesome dad and good husband! Not some lazy arse.