What advice would you give your younger self?

[ombre123]

Hi everyone

I'm feeling a bit reflecting this morning and with a big milestone birthday and two little ones growing at a rate of knots and 20 years in with my DH, I'm thinking about my first 39 years on this planet and there have been some parts that have been magic, other parts really challenging. One thing I have concluded though is that there have been some parts where I haven't been as kind to myself as I should've been in terms of self care, and always strived for what was coming next rather than being mindful of the present. That's something I'm going to be more conscious of as I enter another decade!

So I was wondering, when you look back on your life what advice would you give to your younger yourself?

That neither of your parents is normal. And that by 30 you'll have been forced to be estranged from the whole family, ending decades of pointless people pleasing. So don't bother! Containing theme .. if you constantly have to make excuses for anyone behaviour (inc parents) there is almost 100% problems so just avoid.

You can't save everyone

Don't worry so much about career you'll be successful at whatever you do

Stay in London. And wait another 5 years to have kids. Your career and your happiness will thank you for both.

I am very lucky to have very few regrets. But I would definitely say put bloody sunscreen on your face!

Ignore new BF and buy the investment flat in the capital when price was low. Was looking at doing this and then found a BF with a house.

1. don't pretend having a baby will just "fit in" to your lifestyle and it's fine to take her to parties full of drunk people....you should be at home in bed, resting, not breast feeding and crying in a dark corner. Or trying to host parties with a colicky baby screaming blue murder

2. say you want a 2 year guaranteed bonus on moving job. Not just one. Men wouldn't say "oh year one year is fine"

I think that's it. Mostly.

@creakingknees

I know the thought of being single and lonely and back at home is horrendous. But staying with him will not make you happy in the long run.

Your parents are odd and it seems as though the people who are around you don’t really care for you much. You will learn to rely on yourself and build some inner strength as time goes on. But you need to keep working at it. Don’t be shy. Find some friends.

Don't be so fucking laid back!

What I say to my kids:

Be bold, be brave and know you're beautiful!

Get a dental 'retainer' about 18 to wear every night, so you can keep those lovely straight teeth all your life and they won't go crooked with age.

Don't get married, don't have kids. It's a different job that you need, not that other stuff.

1. You are only responsible for yourself and how you feel.
2. Whenever you are upset think "will this matter in 5 years?" then think again by substituting 3 years, 2 years, 1 year etc until you realise most things don't really matter.
3. Tell and show all your loved ones you care. Don't leave things unsaid that you will regret when someone dies.
4. You will look back in later life and realise what a great figure you had. Be aware of it now.
5. Moderation in all things.
6. Life is short. Live it to the fullest.
7. Your hair is a magnificent colour. When you get older you will really love it so don't dye it.
8. To feel truly precious and loved unconditionally, buy a dog.
9. Our bodies die but our souls/consciousness lives forever. Energy never dies, it just changes form.

10) Don't worry. You'll never regret the decision to not have children. 11. Ask your parents and GP all about their lives because you'll wonder about all sorts of aspects when they're no longer here to ask.

Probably loads more stuff.

It's ok if some people don't like you.

If you keep working this hard and letting it get to you this much you will actually have a health breakdown.

Invest in a property in London and move there.
Don't go to that wedding and meet that dickhead who has wasted your time and made you unhappy for the last 17 odd years.

Those two things would have revolutionised my life....but hey-ho it is what it is.

Don’t bother trying to make your family like you, still move out at 17 but don’t wait until your mid 20’s to cut them out of your life.

Think harder about becoming a parent, it will end your relationship.

Stop trying to please everyone, do what YOU want to do
Get out of this nowhere relationship (lasted from age 19-28) and enjoy your 20s
Stop being afraid and go for your dreams

Don’t get payday loans. They look like a good idea but they’re not for helping you if you’re already struggling. Swallow your pride and ask your dad for help before you fall in to the trap.

He’s deceitful and selfish. He’s using you. You’ll waste your whole 20s on him. Make your 30s amazing as a single woman and concentrate on your 4 beautiful children without him dragging you all down.

Being a stepparent is going to be some hard shit. But it won’t be forever.

Don't get into debt for random shit you don't need, save up to buy things you want, except for larger more meaningful purchases such as car/bike and house, get them on as cheap credit as possible.