What advice would you give your younger self?

[ombre123]

Hi everyone

I'm feeling a bit reflecting this morning and with a big milestone birthday and two little ones growing at a rate of knots and 20 years in with my DH, I'm thinking about my first 39 years on this planet and there have been some parts that have been magic, other parts really challenging. One thing I have concluded though is that there have been some parts where I haven't been as kind to myself as I should've been in terms of self care, and always strived for what was coming next rather than being mindful of the present. That's something I'm going to be more conscious of as I enter another decade!

So I was wondering, when you look back on your life what advice would you give to your younger yourself?

@septembersunshine Can't you still do that?

Ha! Same here!! 😂

Thank you Hero. Hopefully things will move on, I went back to work this year after a long gap at home with the kids, it's my first step towards being able to leave.

To my younger self, I'd say ghost him, don't waste 30 years on him.

Also, ignore your parents and do the design O level, don't bother with the French it isn't going to work for you. You have talent, don't waste it. And don't do Maths and Science at A level, go for Art and History instead. You'd be a bigger success.

Don’t have kids.

Don't pick your face, you'll end up with scars that you will be self conscious about for your whole life.

Stay away from T, he will cause you nothing but pain.

Don't move out of London. It's home, you'll miss it and never afford to move back. Just don't.

Buy that ridiculously cheap terrace house.

Finish your A-Levels, go to uni.

Don't listen to your parents, they're nasty and making you the family scapegoat, you're FINE!

Get reliable contraception sorted, stop burying your head in the sand.

Stop worrying, it does absolutely nothing and is a waste of time! I was such a worrier in my late teens.

Don't get into debt
Look after your teeth
Your not fat
Don't waste time on relationships that are not working
Travel as much as possible

Invest in bitcoin at the very beginning.

I'd probably say to kill myself. Nothing good has happened in 36 years. I have a beautiful DS and now I feel trapped being alive sometimes. At least if I ended it years ago I wouldn't feel guilty.

I would say...you don't need a serios boyfriend at the age of 16.
Trust your instincts and run!
You are beautiful.
Go for a career in Art.

Be kind to yourself.

And. He is an actual bastard.

Friends do not make you strip to your underwear in the street and squirt you with public toilet water from a water pistol.

Do not ever stay with someone who cheats

Wait to have kids

Leave the stupid top set when they ask you if you want to do you don’t have to do two language GCSEs

Don’t do A levels... go do an art or graphics course at college instead

Insist on the doctors help sooner to get a diagnosis sooner.

Above all have some bloody self respect woman!!!!!!!

In roughly chronological order:

Don't start smoking. 43yo you has asthma and high blood pressure, to which years of excessive consumption of Marlboro red tops will almost certainly have contributed.

Man up and take the opportunity of a year in Germany. Later you will deeply regret not doing it.

K will be with you for as long as you look like a meal ticket, then she'll be off and you will later discover that she was painfully dishonest about it. That will be hard, but about 18m later you will meet someone waaaaaay better who becomes Mrs Scrommidge and mother of a number of small Scrommidges. Patience.

Do NOT invest that modest windfall in the unit trust no matter what the man at the bank says. It loses you an amount that would pay for a fortnight's holiday in about 9 months and you will really rue that loss a couple of years later when you need the cash for life stuff.

The job with the self-described Christian (who in fact turns out to be anything but and Jaysus, the stuff they will find on his computer) is dreadful but it gives you enough of a leg up to get a much better one.

The 2002 Seat Ibiza TDI Sport has very definite handling limitations and it is not necessary for you to discover them.

Your misgivings about the job with the friendly people in the nice building in W1 are absolutely spot on, sadly.

Probably loads of others but those are the ones that occur.

sanityisamyth That must be a very way hard to feel about yourself.
Life always changes, search out the positives.
Get the help you need, most things can be changed or improved.

@EmeraldShamrock I've tried to make a massive change and it's gone wrong. My dad has basically told me I've fucked up and I need to cancel all my plans and go back to what I was doing before. Spent an hour crying today.

In the last 36 years I've been raped, physically, mentally and emotionally tortured by my younger sister (on a daily basis for 5 years), emotionally and financially abused by my husband and bullied by work colleagues.

Apart from my son I cannot think of a single positive thing that I have experienced or done.

Don’t take that job

Do something you want to do

sanityisamyth I am so sorry you have had such an awful time.
I hope the scum who hurt you rot, fuck them all, none of them are worth the pain you are suffering.
Cut those who are still in your life out if it, they don't deserve you.
I hope you find peace and stay.
Sending you an unmunsnetty hug.

@EmeraldShamrock thank you x

Enjoy being young and slim and pretty, it doesn't last. Work harder in school and don't marry the first man who asks you.

Don't stay in in 6th form. Go to a different school to your big sister. Make an effort and visit the University of the West of England. It's much nicer than Luton.

Stick with that first serious career idea, find out about other careers in the medical arena, ditch the low self esteem, ignore your bloody misogynistic bullying twit of a father and get the hell out to another country. Use any and every opportunity to do that. A few hundred pounds debt now will be laughable in a few years time. Britain's going to hell in a handcart. If only.