What advice would you give your younger self?

[ombre123]

Hi everyone

I'm feeling a bit reflecting this morning and with a big milestone birthday and two little ones growing at a rate of knots and 20 years in with my DH, I'm thinking about my first 39 years on this planet and there have been some parts that have been magic, other parts really challenging. One thing I have concluded though is that there have been some parts where I haven't been as kind to myself as I should've been in terms of self care, and always strived for what was coming next rather than being mindful of the present. That's something I'm going to be more conscious of as I enter another decade!

So I was wondering, when you look back on your life what advice would you give to your younger yourself?

Start a pension as soon as you start working. Don't always listen to your mum who tells you to put other before yourself, sometimes you have to put yourself first and do as you want.
Don't let people put you down, tell them to bog off if necessary.

You are important!

Stop smoking right now, what ever it takes
Get your ass to a dr and be honest

That could have changed a lot of people's lives for the better

Don't worry about being fat, you're not. Travel more before you have kids. Believe in yourself.

I'd say: Your father is vicious and mad. The world conspires to make him look wonderful. Avoid his emotional death traps and make your own way in the world. Earn money. You are bright and capable of this. Life is far easier when you're not poor. Your father's bullying has deeply affected you. Get help and sort your head out now to save decades of pain later.

What's happening to you is abuse. Get away.
Don't ffs start smoking.
You are not to blame for any of it.

Buy high, sell low

Don't introduce the man you love to your best friend :(

You're not fat.

Always be able to support yourself financially any rely on no one.

Gosh if only.
I'd tell my younger self not to worry what others think and that the people around you will be insignificant in a few years.
Try your hardest and fulfil your potential.
Stay on at school do your A levels and don't go to college.
Not to rush into things, your life is only just beginning.
Be yourself, do what makes YOU happy and don't follow others.

Friends should care about you. Ditch the backstabbing frenemies. No, they don't mean well in their own way and you didn't simply misunderstand their intentions.

If a man likes you, you will know. If you are not sure, and he's always busy, so busy - you're just being kept hanging on as a booty call. Ditch. (unless you want them as a booty call. That's also fine)

Exercise. Lift some weights. Your flat bum and chunky legs you spent your youth hiding can actually look amazing.

For career - build connections and relationships. They matter way more than you can imagine. You can be the best specialist in the world, but if people you need to work with don't know you and like you, they will go see the (likable) second best.

Take your education and lifelong learning very seriously

Choose your friends wisely

Choose a partner who who has the attributes and ability to make your life better

Be sensible with money

Choose your career carefully, especially if youre from a modest background with no assets

Look after your mind and body & stay healthy

Make enjoyment a priority (hobbies/friends)

Plan your children’s conception

Dont have pets unless you can afford them & have time

So essentially, plan as much as you can and be careful of your choices

• the most important thing of all is confidence. Do whatever you can to build this.

• the “be a good girl” behaviours that stood you well for the first 20 years will hold you back massively - the sooner you can start to sort this the better.

• don’t buy a house with your sister without agreeing how to unwind it when one of you wants to sell.

• people who behave appalling are often deeply insecure and this behaviour is a manifestation of their insecurity. They are showing their weakness - don’t let it get to you.

You’re worth more than you think.
Set the bar higher and stop allowing yourself to be treated poorly.
It’s ok to wait until something better comes along, don’t settle for crap because you’re scared everyone will be doing/having something before you.
Work on your self esteem.

Don’t marry husband #1. You won’t regret it if you don’t.

Leave husband #2 when the shit hits the fan.

Save some money so that you CAN leave h#2 when the shit hits the fan.

You are worth more.

Study more, earlier.
You can do it.

The only thing that could have helped my younger self is the winning lottery numbers.

You are enough as you are, don't text him and do stuff you enjoy.

Ditch people when they upset you intentionally more than once. There's no need to cling onto a friendship group purely because you've known them since you were 10 even though they add absolutely nothing to your life.

@Comtesse your post resonates with me. Particularly the be a good girl bit. Desperately trying not to do this to DD. Can you expand at all on your own experience and what's helped if you feel comfortable doing so?

Lose the weight and marry better

You're not wrong to believe in your self worth more than your mother and some "friends" - you'll learn the relationships you've grown up seeing as normal really aren't and it is possible to have healthy, non competitive and loving relationships with partners, family and friends.

That after all my miscarriages and awful grief, I really would be holding my own baby one day.

Have higher standards when it comes to men. Keep your virginity a bit longer. Don’t let the bullies stop you getting an education.

But then I wouldn’t have my wonderful dc, so life works in mysterious ways.