To think that people are weird about non-drivers?

[HennyPennyHorror]

I don't want to learn to drive. I'm mid-40s and just don't want to. Never have.

I catch trains and buses and ride a bike. It's never been an issue for me. My DH works for himself and so he's always been the one to take DC to their friend's parties etc.

He likes doing it...if he didn't I suppose I'd need to reconsider.

People look at me like I'm weird because I don't want to drive. You also see it here. A sort of irritation regarding those who can't drive.

The thought scares me frankly and I'm aware that I'd only be adding to pollution. I never ask anyone for a lift. I just get on with it.

I can’t drive as I have epilepsy so frankly it’s mean to look unfavourably at non-drivers. Plenty of people like me would adore it if they could hop into a car and just drive off, not be reliant on public transport or lifts 😢 Not everything is as simple as it seems.

I would say I've basically developed a phobia of driving, and honestly it's safer all round if I stay off the roads.

I think I've probably managed to do the same. I was a fairly confident driver once, I've driven in all sorts of places including Mexico City but since having a breakdown after the birth of dc1, I just panic so much I'm a danger to myself and everyone else. I've had therapy, nearly two years worth but that made zero difference. Dh has tried to help but he just remembers the driver I was and isn't great with anxiety/phobias because he's never felt like that. I'd love to be able to drive again, I have 2 small children and live in a tiny village with rubbish public transport but it feels absolutely insurmountable.

I didnt drive till i was 32 so i get both sides-i was petrified as i took lessons when i was 17 but wa sin London at the time and it didnt go well freaked me out and i didnt try again for 15 years when i moved to essex

Was much calmer and passed and it was the best thing i did as some fmaily live far away-My Dh doesnt drive on the other hand but loves walking so hes not bothered either way-But i do hate people who assume that because you drive you can go out of yur way to pick them up oh its only a few miles or what does it matter your sitting down its no stress!

It can be very stressful sometimes depending on your route and can wipe you out if so-So drive or dont just dont be a CF

I find it quite bizarre looking in from the outside.

I have two friends with husbands who are very intelligent, good jobs but can’t drive. Travel long distances on the bus for work. One husband wears a trouser/ jacket rain suit sometimes as he has to walk to bus stop, change bus and then walk from bus to hospital. I see in both couple situations it causes issues. One friend had to leave a girls night/ sleep over at 7am to be back to do gymnastics run. She also ran the marathon and Dad couldn’t get kids to any clubs/ parties etc... other friend has 4 children and has had difficult births but husband couldn’t drive after they were born or get kids anywhere. Also one child had a nasty biking incident and wasn’t hospitalised and youngest was weeks old and breast fed and she had to do the driving and take the baby with her as husband couldn’t drive. Also both woman never get to have a drink EVER as they are always the driver. I find it strange with kids not to be able to take them to doctors/ hospital/ clubs etc... I can see the strain on the party who is the driver.

Christ almighty nonamesleftatall. That’s just bizarre. They’d be getting their licences pronto in this house. Bet it suits them just fine though, they don’t have to have any responsibility at all.

Where I live it is impossible to be self-sufficient and not drive. The government has to provide occasional rides for the disabled and elderly, but availability is extremely limited and only allowed for essentials.

So if have a hard time wrapping my head around choosing to be absolutely stranded.

I don't drive. Neither does DH.

We have kids from primary to secondary school.

It's never been an issue.

I drive a lot ( rural), but Sometimes I kind of wish I never learnt to drive then I wouldn't be so reliant on a car and would just deal with walking/bus/bike everywhere and be more environmentally friendly. This!! I'd love to go back in time and never have begun driving, also the cost is shocking!!!

I grew up in a place with crap public transport and tried to learn to drive between 17-23. I failed 5 tests and it gave me such anxiety that I’d come away from every lesson with a severe migraine. It seemed to get harder the more I tried, so regardless of the public transport situation I just couldn’t do it! Some people just can’t or find it terrifying - I have zero spatial awareness, slow reactions and tend not to notice things happening in the periphery. It’s safer for everyone if I don’t drive. I am incredibly independent and self-sufficient, have been on several solo holidays to places with rubbish public transport like LA, have a professional job. I’m not helpless or pathetic - I just can’t get the hang of driving! However I now live in London and would never choose to live somewhere without decent public transport. I’ve also never found it an issue when dating

Also both woman never get to have a drink EVER as they are always the driver.

To be fair, my husband foots the bills for taxis on 'his turn' to drive, and does suggest that quite often. I think we could do without a car sometimes, and just subsist off taxis and hire cars, but then there are occasions such as DIY trips where a hire car would be awkward.

Love all the people getting narky at the Venn Diagram - there's room in the Venn for people who can't drive and aren't generally useless!

*Where I live it is impossible to be self-sufficient and not drive. The government has to provide occasional rides for the disabled and elderly, but availability is extremely limited and only allowed for essentials.

So if have a hard time wrapping my head around choosing to be absolutely stranded.*

People who don't drive often make different choices about where they live. I chose to buy a house less than 10 mins walk from a train station, rather than in a pretty village, because I don't want to be reliant on cars for getting around.

I enjoy using public transport. I've done business travel all over the world and not driving is rarely an issue. I think drivers consistently overestimate the time and cost involved in driving somewhere versus using public transport.

I don't think the Venn diagram has a large centre.
I think it has a small but highly noticeable centre. All the people who are just getting on with their lives without causing a fuss aren't noticed.

I am also very much onboard with this:
I find people who deliberately move to places with no public transport far far weirder than people who don’t drive.

I grew up in a place with no public transport, and I see two very distinct reactions.
One, which has been said here, is the feeling that driving = freedom.
Mine is the feeling that being in a place where you NEED to drive = being trapped.

The ‘Venn diagram’ is the perfect illustration of the OP’s point: people are weird about non-drivers.

“Almost everyone in your group is a useless lazy sponger”
“Excuse me??”
“What, I said ALMOST everyone, you aren’t allowed to be offended.”

People who don't drive often make different choices about where they live. I chose to buy a house less than 10 mins walk from a train station, rather than in a pretty village, because I don't want to be reliant on cars for getting around.

Well exactly, factoring needing to use public transport into your options about where to live isn't really that hard, and no different to factoring in needing parking if you're a driver or needing to be near certain amenities, it's just a different set of priorities isn't it?

. It does mystify me though when (usually) older women rely on their husbands to drive them everywhere when they live in the countryside - don’t they worry about how they’d cope if the husband died / left / was not around?

This. I sometimes look on Gransnet and there are threads where the OP is a non-driver who is now alone in the country , husband deceased, she can't drive and suddenly she is unable to get around. They often state that of course they don't drive - DH always did that - and now they are dependent on friends. I sometimes wonder how long that will last until the friends get really sick of it.

Sometimes older men don’t like their wives to drive. My great-aunt didn’t drive at all when her controlling husband was alive and was straight out for lessons a few weeks after the funeral.

@Birdie6 @53rdWay

Good on your great Aunt!

I’ve noticed this amongst the older generation. My gran didn’t drive and when my grandad died she was very isolated as she lived in a small village with limited public transport. Hopefully that attitude is dying out now though?

While I consider driving an essential life skill, I don’t care or have any issue with non-drivers if they do not expect anything from me. That however, is pretty rare. In my experience, the moment I stopped giving lifts, non-drivers were not gracious at all. I find OP’s stance pretty hypocritical because she isn’t actually self-reliant, far from it. OP’s actively relying and expecting her partner to ferry the family around. If he drops dead or leaves, she will be pretty stuck. After one too many CF’s, my partner and I don’t give lifts. Remember one sanctimonious, smug acquaintance who repeatedly scoffed at people keeping cars in London with all of the expenses when there is 24-hour public transport. Fair enough. We were at the arse end of outer London at an event that ended late, when said acquaintance trailed behind us towards our car. Still giggle at the shocked face when DH and I got in and drove off with a cheery wave. Live and let live but don’t expect a lift.

This. I sometimes look on Gransnet and there are threads where the OP is a non-driver who is now alone in the country , husband deceased, she can't drive and suddenly she is unable to get around.

Learning to drive is not necessarily a solution. There are many old people living in isolated places who can't drive because they can no longer do so safely - and some older people who continue driving when they probably shouldn't.

The answer is better public transport, not requiring everyone to own an expensive toy that emits toxic pollutants and kills or seriously injures around 27,000 people a year in the U.K. alone (and that doesn't include deaths and serious illnesses caused by vehicle pollution).

Driving is an absolutely fundamental life skill. You are limiting options so much by not being a driver
OK so you live on London but what happens if you want to rent a country holiday cottage, hire a car abroad, hire a van to move stuff. What if a great opportunity comes up not in London. What if your driving partner can't anymore?
As for the poster saying when they organise meet up with friends they are always pressed onto accepting a lift, don't you get you are restricting where you can meet up because they have to think about you and your public transport?
I regard it has a parents duty in raising a child to be a functioning adult to make sure they learn to drive

What if a great opportunity comes up not in London

There are cities outside London with equally good public transport systems you know. It’s not all horse and cart!

@woody68 not a single bit of that is even remotely 'fundamental'. I live in a major city but not London and its a piece of piss. I have friends who still live in the small town I grew up in, and if you don't want to do anything exciting, you only need the city bus for going to hospital when necessary. Easy.

OK so you live on London
Nope.

but what happens if you want to rent a country holiday cottage
Hire one gettable to on public transport, or get a taxi.

hire a car abroad
I wouldn’t want or plan to, of course. That’s like saying “ah, so you think you can manage without a HGV license in this country, but what if you want to hire a HGV abroad?”

hire a van to move stuff
Always hired a van along with a driver.

What if your driving partner can't anymore?
we already live somewhere where you don’t need a car, so he doesn’t drive either.

don't you get you are restricting where you can meet up because they have to think about you and your public transport?
Well, they can consider it evens for all the faffy planning around parking and limiting walking distances that I have to do for them.

I regard it has a parents duty in raising a child to be a functioning adult to make sure they learn to drive
I think I’m a fairly well functioning adult, thanks, disability and all.

We have got a thread with posters calling the undrivers uneducated lazy and stupid,but by same token we have a thread with people putting wrong thing in their car because they can't read a sign.

Not sure the drivers are coming out best

Driving is an absolutely fundamental life skill.
In your opinion.
You are limiting options so much by not being a driver
Exactly, my options, and as there isn't an alternative because no one who has tested me feels I'm up to the standard required, it's part of my life.
OK so you live on London
No actually, I don't. I live semi rurally but crucially, I chose somewhere that is served by public transport.

but what happens if you want to rent a country holiday cottage, hire a car abroad, hire a van to move stuff.
Hire a cottage that I can get to by public transport/taxi. Well why would I hire a car abroad or why would that occur to me? I holiday places where I don't need to and factor that in to my holiday. Hire a van with a driver?
What if a great opportunity comes up not in London.
Again, I'm not in London, or even a city.
What if your driving partner can't anymore?
Don't have a partner, driving or otherwise.
As for the poster saying when they organise meet up with friends they are always pressed onto accepting a lift, don't you get you are restricting where you can meet up because they have to think about you and your public transport?
Well drivers have to plan parking and journey times too don't they? How is that any different? And honestly I just wouldn't go if it was utterly impossible, though I've never faced that because I make the effort.
I regard it has a parents duty in raising a child to be a functioning adult to make sure they learn to drive
I'll ask my mum if she'll bung the DVLA a few quid, because that's the only likely way I'll ever get a license! How narrow minded to think you can only be a 'functioning' adult if you have a card that says you can drive a car!