To think that people are weird about non-drivers?

[HennyPennyHorror]

I don't want to learn to drive. I'm mid-40s and just don't want to. Never have.

I catch trains and buses and ride a bike. It's never been an issue for me. My DH works for himself and so he's always been the one to take DC to their friend's parties etc.

He likes doing it...if he didn't I suppose I'd need to reconsider.

People look at me like I'm weird because I don't want to drive. You also see it here. A sort of irritation regarding those who can't drive.

The thought scares me frankly and I'm aware that I'd only be adding to pollution. I never ask anyone for a lift. I just get on with it.

Fairweathercyclist, thanks for my hug 🤗 Reading some of these comments as someone with an enforced driving ban, two kids, a little town in the sticks and a job for which a current driving licence is compulsory is making me feel rather sorry for myself!!

At least you’re being safe and legal Putkettleonlove. I know someone who wasn’t supposed to be driving for a year because of her epilepsy, who ended up driving anyway as much as she ever had. V worrying.

It's not essential to drive with children. Even if you use Uber every time they need to go somewhere not reachable on public transport, the overall cost is unlikely to be more than the cost of purchase and upkeep of an average family car annually.
Now DC are teens, I let them book Ubers to come home from parties in far flung places.

Learning to drive is really expensive but I think people have different priorities in life and it is one of those things that boils down to prioritising driving over other luxuries.

My exH has tried to use the money excuse before but he has plenty of money for vaping and new trainers...

I have absolutely no issue with non drivers but it becomes an issue when you’re relying on others to get around or make your life easier.

I can see both sides here. I got my license relatively late in life (late 20s) and didn't find learning to drive easy. In fact I'd become resigned to never getting my license at all, but I was never happy with that possibility and now that I drive, I know why. Getting everywhere on public transport requires so much forethought. It's ok for getting from point A to point B, but when you want to make stops or go somewhere that requires a change of transport it becomes a bit of a hassle. Also, the routes of public transport are often hugely circuitous and even a point A to point B journey from 20 minutes to 40. I cycled many places but doing so in the cold and wet weather wasn't always pleasant! When you don't drive, you can potentially limit yourself in many ways - you wouldn't be able to live in many areas where public transport is scarce/nonexistent, many jobs require a driving license etc.

So no, I don't think people who don't drive are useless or anything like that, but I do think that if you haven't driven you don't necessarily appreciate how much easier your life could be with a license. I know it has improved my independence and quality of life significantly. I wish public transport was cheaper and more reliable, but in the area I live in it's neither, and I live in a town known to be the most accessible in the area.

no, I totally agree that life would in many ways be easier if I could drive. We would have a bigger choice of places to live, I could get to places faster.

I do have a problem with the idea that 95% of non-drivers are lazy scroungers with no ambition or ability to live independently. Or with the idea that just because someone who drives can’t figure out how she’d manage without, it must be impossible for the rest of us and we just sit indoors all day staring mournfully out of the window.

no, I totally agree that life would in many ways be easier if I could drive. We would have a bigger choice of places to live, I could get to places faster.

I do have a problem with the idea that 95% of non-drivers are lazy scroungers with no ambition or ability to live independently. Or with the idea that just because someone who drives can’t figure out how she’d manage without, it must be impossible for the rest of us and we just sit indoors all day staring mournfully out of the window.

You've summed it up perfectly there @53rdWay for me anyway. I think it's pretty narrow minded to say people who don't drive are not independent, lazy, stupid and all the other things that have been said on here because they can't get their head around how they'd cope without a car. Which shows total reliance on something that is not God given, and can be taken away at any given time for reasons totally out of your control. I think that shows a lack of independence in some ways if for whatever reason you'd be totally stranded without the ability to drive because you can't see any other way to do things.

I don't think non drivers are incompetent. As i said, i didnt learn to drive until my early 30s. At the time, everyone said it would change my life and I found that irritating. After all, I'd managed just fine before. But they were right, it did change my life for the better. I felt so hugely independent and spent many days just driving to remote parts of the countryside and coast with the small dds.

I also have horses so couldn't cope without being able to pull a trailer for them.

But often there isn’t another way to do things without cadging lifts! That’s the point. Lifts are not reciprocated.

If I don’t pick up my relatives my DM, who is well over 90, will never see them. That’s selfishness in the extreme. Their travel to see GM, who lives near me, is always down to someone else to facilitate. GM drives but they refuse. DN says she’s interested in learning but I assume there is no money for a car. I even ferried my Dsis to university and back for three years 35 years ago and I’ve just carried on doing it! Or so it feels. There isn’t a need to learn because it’s too easy to scrounge off others and seeing relatives isn’t valued. My mum last saw my other DSis around 3 years ago. She won’t even get on a train and take a taxi to visit! I only know these 4 people who don’t drive, other than elderly people, so I’m sorry if my views are skewed but it’s all I know!! And it stinks!!

@BubblesBuddy

It may be all you know, but that doesn't automatically mean that every single non driver is like that! I think your family are selfish and entitled and in all honesty I don't think that'd suddenly change if they got a driving license. They'd just be selfish and entitled with a driving license.
I agree that your situation stinks, but I get the impression that you're doing it for your DM rather than them, which is kind and selfless, and has facilitated their lack of will to do it themselves (I don't mean that in a horrible way btw, just that 'no good deed goes unpunished' sort of thing) I value my friends and family and make the effort to see them and participate in things, I'm far more likely to not go somewhere or do something because I'm at work or can't afford it than because I can't drive. I've very, very rarely had an issue, visit people regularly, and in fact was my Nan's carer (not ft as I worked too) doing her shopping and going with her to things for the few years she needed help before she died - ultimately if you value something you'll put the effort in to make it happen, regardless of how it happens.
Also as an aside I'm usually one person that can get to work in bad weather, the main roads are normally clear and so transport running, so I walk out of the village to the town and go from there - people who live closer than me and drive can't get out of their road and don't get there, some do the same as me.
It's not about having a license, it's about the person you are.

But often there isn’t another way to do things without cadging lifts!

Yes there is! Get public transport where it's a possibility. Get a taxi where it's not. Walk. Cycle. There are plenty of other ways to do things without driving, it's just that your particular lazy relatives just can't be arsed to do them.

My sister, who drives, hasn't been to see our mother for years because she's "scared of driving on the motorway", so instead our arthritic mother has to spend 3 hours on public transport to visit her. Who's the selfish one with the shitty excuses there?

I haven't been to see my mother in 2 years - has f all to do with me not being a driver. I don't like her.

Perhaps your sister also has other reasons.

🙄🙄🙄

I’m exactly the same, the thought of being in charge of a ton of metal makes my stomach churn, I’m quite happy walking to places I’m lucky because most places school, doctors, supermarket are in walking distance & a taxi back from the supermarket is £3, a bus to my local big town is £5 return but I normally walk the 2 miles there then get the bus back (it’s uphill) my SIL likes to point out I can’t drive I then feel quite ashamed I’ve got to 39 & not passed my test but I also think my child’s school isn’t 3 miles away (her choice to send them there) & if I need to fetch my child I can on foot especially in bad weather & if her car ever broke down she would be buggered! (Feel smug then) my DD can drive & I think because I can’t it spurred her on but she never rubs it in my face, I’m quite happy being a pedestrian 😊

It's just that in the Venn diagram of people who don't drive, people who are generally helpless at life, and people who constantly expect others to help them out, there is a large central section.

🙄

Bit of a ridiculous generalisation.

If you use public transport/walk a lot, you need to be able to cope on your own!

It only gets annoying when non-drivers constantly need lifts, and gets especially infuriating when petrol contributions aren’t offered, but CFs are certainly not the majority of non-drivers!

Completely agree! Had two exes who did not drive and they expected lifts all the time and everywhere and offered me to give other people lifts with no consideration or petrol contribution offered for long or regular lifts.

It can also be hard work when your partner doesn't drive but as long as you don't expect chauffering and your DH is happy to always be the driver YANBU

I drive now, but didn't pass my test until I was 29, so understand where you're coming from. There's only me, my dad and my brother in law who can drive. My 28 year old brother is an absolute lazy slob, who won't go anywhere unless someone is picking him up/dropping him off door to door, and has no intention of learning to drive himself, my mother has never driven or learnt for that matter, but contantly tells me how to drive. This is what irritates me with some non-drivers, however, not all non-drivers are the same. My DH doesn't drive, but is happy to commute via public transport etc and will often hop on the bus for shopping etc, he doesn't take our car for granted or me for that matter

My DS is very much in central section of Venn Diagram. Fridge breaks-complain knowing she'll be bought a new one. Want to go to Ikea-phone up and ask when you're next going (knowing you'll make the 80 mile detour to pick her up and the extra 80 miles to take her back too). Ask him if she can come for the weekend knowing it's a 300 mile drive for you

Want to go to Ikea-phone up and ask when you're next going (knowing you'll make the 80 mile detour to pick her up and the extra 80 miles to take her back too)

But surely you just stop enabling her?

Congratulations, OP, you are an honorary millennial.

@JacquesHammer oh I have now. Completely!!

I don’t drive, and nor does my DP. We live ten minutes walk from the city centre, and a railway station/busses. We get online groceries delivered. I genuinely can’t remember the last time I was in a car.

I did have lessons, but was absolutely terrible at driving and it made me so anxious. After about 30 lessons, I was no better than starting, and gave up. My partner has always lived in or close to the city centre and has never had a single lesson.

Well my relatives chat on the phone but they just cannot be bothered to travel and when they do, they get lifts. They make it to London on a train when they want but won’t go any further! Yes, I do it to ensure DM has a decent old age and sees her grand children. Yes, I accept if they did drive they still wouldn’t bother but I’m struggling to understand why people are like this. They all speak quite happily to each other but DM is constantly disappointed and I hate that. Most of us would.

I agree with you and also with @JaquesHammer.

I'm also in my 40's and don't drive, I'm the same as you.

I've thought about it lately due to health reasons but haven't got passed the thinking stage.