To think that people are weird about non-drivers?

[HennyPennyHorror]

I don't want to learn to drive. I'm mid-40s and just don't want to. Never have.

I catch trains and buses and ride a bike. It's never been an issue for me. My DH works for himself and so he's always been the one to take DC to their friend's parties etc.

He likes doing it...if he didn't I suppose I'd need to reconsider.

People look at me like I'm weird because I don't want to drive. You also see it here. A sort of irritation regarding those who can't drive.

The thought scares me frankly and I'm aware that I'd only be adding to pollution. I never ask anyone for a lift. I just get on with it.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. I felt the same way. When I turned 31, though, I got my drivers license . I didn’t drive , though, until I was 35. My kids were small, my husband worked and was doing all the driving.I started to feel guilty, because he would take me wherever I needed to go, along with the kids’ doctor appointments, etc. it was too much. He never complained. I felt guilty anyway, and took up some slack. I enjoyed the freedom of taking myself to get my hair done or going to the doctor or the market. He never complained. I felt guilty anyway, and took up some slack. I enjoyed the freedom of taking myself to get my hair done or going to the doctor or the market. I only drive small distances. It’s completely up to you regarding driving. It’s no one’s business to be making negative comments. My parents never drove. Not a big deal.

I hate driving. Life was much simpler and cheaper when I relied on public transport and I never had to think about whether I could have that second or more glasses of wine - however I lived in a big city then so public transport was frequent. Now I live in Wiltshire, public transport is rubbish and I have to drive to get most places, I dont think its odd just think your lucky you dont have to.

I grew up in the middle of no where so learnt to drive the minute I could. However I now live in a city and my husband and I went from two vehicles to one because more is within easy walking distance. There are loads of people in the city that don’t drive. I only find it odd that people don’t drive when they are the people asking for lifts all the time. I have a friend that often asks for lifts and has never once offered petrol money contributions all the while complaining about how bad it is for her because she can’t drive. That is the only time I ever think badly on people that don’t drive. It’s simple, it’s not my business whether someone can drive or not or chooses to own a car or not etc. It’s not my business and I don’t have an opinion on it, until they make it affect me and make it my business. If it doesn’t affect me then good on them for using public transport and walking and saving the planet etc.

I refused to drive for a year after having 1st DC. I don't even know why, I just didn't want to. DH drove my car instead as he preferred it to his and promptly wrote it off! I didn't drive again for a few months until my new car came.

@Grumpymug

I couldn’t have said it better myself! I’m reading the posts of the people saying non drivers are lazy etc and all I’m getting from it is that you have seriously CF family members or seriously CF ex partners that you allowed to take the piss.

And as for “if you have kids it’s a necessity” Im keen to know how this will pan out when the congestion charge extends from the tiny zone 1 area it is now to the zone 1-3 area it will soon be.

This driving thing really isn’t as straight forward as if you don’t drive there’s something wrong with you. Most of my neighbours are middle class, home owners ( I’m not though, lol ) in houses worth upwards of £750k, all of them can certainly afford a car and drive but they don’t bother with a car as it’s so not a necessity in London, in fact it’s probably more of a burden!

My neighbor opposite has 3 sons, now they are all either in higher education or secondary school she only uses her car once a week to go shopping, if Ocado or Tesco don’t deliver on the day she wants ( most of us on my road get shopping delivered) and her older sons have no interest in learning any time soon because we essentially live a 1 minute walk to the bus stop and a 10 min walk to multiple overground stations and takes longer to get around by car than the tube or overground.

Does having a car make it easier to get from point A to point B, yes it does depending on where point A to B is, is it a necessity? No, does it mean not being able to drive your life is unfulfilled, you must lack ambition, independence etc? Hell no!

Personally I find non drivers a pain in the neck as they often assume everyone else is happy to take and pick them up. We have several in our family (all women) and they laugh and giggle about it saying “oh I don’t drive!!! Almost like it’s an attribute! Well I’m a woman and have had a full time job,children and looking after ancient dependent parents and believe me if I’d been a non driver it would have made our family life a nightmare! Totally selfish!

@Harvestsquirrel1
OMG
I’ve never had the freedom to go to the doctor or go to get my hair done! What with not having a car.

You’re so lucky

I am a non driver ( failed 7 times!) and so is my partner. We never ask for lifts unless an emergency. We took the bus and a walk to the hospital when I was going in to be induced with last child. Also have taken the 4 children to Newquay, Weymouth & Poole by bus and train. 5 &11 year old walks 20 mins to school every day in all weathers and we dont have all the parking drama's. 18 year old daughter drives down the road to the shop which is less than a 5 minute walk away!

Late posting to this. However if you are reading this - very few respondents are actually experiencing what it is like to live in rural and senior rural areas with practically no public transport. What there is, goes from small town centre to small town centre with none on Sundays or in the evenings. I was o lived to give up driving after fifty four years just as my mobility is failing seriously and public transport is almost wiped out. I cannot walk from the town centres to supermarkets on the periphery, nor carry heavy shopping. Living alone means that groceries being delivered is a problem as only fairly large orders are acceptable. Social life is drastically curtailed and one feels like a second class citizen instantly. Some of your respondents sound very smug and judgemental.

I didn’t have much choice since we live in the middle of nowhere. I wish everything I needed was within walking distance. My husband could have taken me to the salon, but I wound have to wait for him to pick me up after his errands. Sometimes I would have to wait an hour. Driving was a saving grace. But.....I took cognitive behavioral therapy, as I was fearsome to drive. It was helpful to me.

I’m a driver but I’ve never thought anything negative about non-drivers. I do live in London so transport is easy and I often leave the car and get the tube if I’m crossing London, much quicker.
I generally offer a lift to no -drivers if we’re going the same way - why wouldn’t you?
It’s a non-issue imo.

I can't drive and have no intention of ever driving. I had a few lessons when I was younger and it only clarified just how little spacial awareness I have. I had no problem with the mechanics of making the car move, but staying in the right place on the road was a massive issue. It is in the interest of safety for the general public that I should continue with my life as a pedestrian and quite frankly there are many people on the roads already who are awful drivers and probably should have made the same decision

My aunt is a non driver and found it extremely difficult when her husband was ill and unable to drive for a long time and she had to use public transport. The journey to the hospital was particularly difficult and long for her using buses as she had become reliant on his driving fir all her married life. If you are used to using public transport and it’s no problem to you wherever you live and easy to get to your destinations all the time, then I see you no issue with it.

YANBU I’m a non driver in my late 30s and it wasn’t until I joined mumsnet that I realised people look down on this for some reason

Not weird at all. I had driving lessons and hated it so scrapped them and bought a Mountain Bike instead. Most of the places i go to are local and by the time i have waited for a bus i could have walked in half the time. Folk don't give me a hard time or think i am weird not driving.

Not unreasonable at all in this day and age. We need to cut pollution and the amount of traffic. We are in North London and my daughter, who has just turned 17 recently has no interest in learning to drive as she commutes to college in South London everyday on the tube. Anywhere more local, she walks or gets the bus. It’s best option here. Our borough has also had a mini-Holland cycle infrastructure implemented. As long as she intends to live in and around London, she’s probably better off not driving anywhere and adding another car to the jam-packed roads...?

It's just that in the Venn diagram of people who don't drive, people who are generally helpless at life, and people who constantly expect others to help them out, there is a large central section.

This certainly isn't even a thing in my social circle. We help each other when we need it whether we have cars or drive or not is irrelevant as we all have skills and resources that we share. I have never driven and am certainly not helpless at life or in need of helping out. There are too many cars and too many drivers for the resources left on this planet. Please don't make judgments about non drivers as we might just be people that care about the environment. Also paving over your garden is shit for the environment too, makes the street look grim also.

I live rurally, about three miles out of town, with a practically non-existent bus service that doesn’t even go to the nearest city anymore, so severe have been the cutbacks in our area. Cycling along the main road into town is not an option.

One dd has clubs after school in different directions, the other dd I have to take to school as we car share with friends because the bus is so awful. We go down to the little beach after school sometimes. We pop out of a weekend to do family stuff. I whiz into town to do the shopping. I call on friends who also live rurally. I travel all round the country when we go away, visiting all sorts of lovely places, as and when we can. Typical rural life really.

I’d be absolutely fucked if I refused to learn to drive. I would be completely isolated and probably very lonely. Fine if you actually live in a city with taxis, trains, trams, etc but simply not feasible out here.

I think it depends on who you know that doesn't drive.

I have a friend who can't drive for various reasons, including dyspraxia, he's tried bit failed a lot. So you'd think no problem. Bit the problem is that he expects lift EVERYWHERE. He doesn't see why he has to get a bus/train/taxi/walk.
He'll often try and organise trips out in the arse end of nowhere, leaving us all to ask him "why did you want to go there? There's no transport" and he'll go "but you're driving, you can give me a lift...."

No. I won't.

If I plan something in the middle of nowhere, I'll take you, as I know you can't drive. But if you make plans and have no way if getting there, because you've assumed a lift.... I'll meet you there.

I am in your situation, OP.

I made real efforts to drive when I was 17/18, and failed 3 tests. Badly. I was a very bad, anxious driver with no instinct for the road at all. I find it difficult to coordinate my hands and feet together generally and the added stress made it harder.

After that I went to uni in a city where you didn't need to drive, then moved to London and lived there for about 14 years, so never got round to learning to drive as I didn't need to.

I'm now 35 with a small child and still can't drive! I was thinking about learning now in an automatic car, but I honestly don't think I could overcome the anxiety and poor coordination issues particularly now I would also have the stress of having DS in the car. We have moved to a large-ish town, we can walk into the centre in 15/20 mins and can get public transport to within a couple of miles of my wider family, and I commute into London by train for work, so I'm not sure there's any point. And the environmental thing is really important too. I don't like the idea of putting another car on the road. I don't get other people to give me lifts generally, apart from my parents, I just manage without a car (using trains and buses, online shopping etc).

I am used to being treated like a freak when I say no I can't drive, I've never had a licence. I do think people find it quite weird and are surprised when I say I just couldn't do it. Driving is only easy for some people!

I would automatically assume, if I met a person who couldn't drive, that they were either lazy or stupid (sorry!)

Bollocks. I would automatically assume that someone making such an idiotic and unimaginative comment is either lazy or stupid.

I actually do drive, but I am not that keen on it and stick largely to local journeys that I am well familiar with. I drive because I have to, living where we live. Not really because I enjoy it.

I do not judge people who can't or don't drive for any reason at all. DH's cousin developed epilepsy as an adult and was forced to stop driving.

Not wanting to drive and also simply finding it provokes high levels of anxiety are also valid reasons for not driving in my book.

I manage my driving anxiety by sticking largely to routes I know well. In future we do intend to downsize our house and move to somewhere with better public transport links and other amenities, so that both DH and I need to drive less.

I've already had the odd occasion when for medical reasons I couldn't drive myself for quite some time (surgery, limb in a large cast etc.). It wasn't fun, but it made me learn to plan around and use the admittedly very limited public transport that we do have here, just with DH driving me to the supermarket at weekends, or getting home delivery.

There are many reasons why people live where they live, do what they do and either drive or don't drive.

I feel sorry for people who feel they can’t do it and I blame crap instructors for that. With the right coaching, anyone can do it.

I didn’t find learning easy and wondered what was wrong with me and then with the right instructor it all just clicked.

Both my daughters have automatic licenses and when they moved in with their partners they only had manual cars, so sons-in-law had to do all the driving. When their cars needed changing they bought automatics so now they can share the fun!!

I passed my test after several attempts, multiple instructors, and many, many lessons but don't drive anymore. I have no spatial awareness and really struggle with anything other than driving down a straight road. I would say I've basically developed a phobia of driving, and honestly it's safer all round if I stay off the roads. I don't think this makes me either lazy, or stupid. Stupid would be deliberately taking a ton of metal on to the road knowing I couldn't handle it well enough. It can sometimes be a bit limiting, definitely, but we chose to live in the city centre, and so I find there's loads to do in the week with DD. I can walk to work - wouldn't get a permit to park there anyway as I live so close - and will be able to walk to school when DD starts. Museums, shops, cafes, theatre, parks etc are all within easy reach. Shopping I get delivered, and I'd continue to do that even if I drove as it is a good way of staying on budget and saves time.

I do wish I could be one of the drivers of this world, but I just think for some people it's never going to happen.

My mum never learnt to drive so my Dad used to take her everywhere. Now he’s gone and her health is deteriorating she hates relying on others for lifts and says she wishes she’d learnt to drive. She actually pushed me to learn when I was 19 because she regrets it so much.