To think that people are weird about non-drivers?

[HennyPennyHorror]

I don't want to learn to drive. I'm mid-40s and just don't want to. Never have.

I catch trains and buses and ride a bike. It's never been an issue for me. My DH works for himself and so he's always been the one to take DC to their friend's parties etc.

He likes doing it...if he didn't I suppose I'd need to reconsider.

People look at me like I'm weird because I don't want to drive. You also see it here. A sort of irritation regarding those who can't drive.

The thought scares me frankly and I'm aware that I'd only be adding to pollution. I never ask anyone for a lift. I just get on with it.

I walk 5 miles a day. For fun and exercise and animals. Still love my car!

What public transport? None in my village! Steep hills and narrow roads so I drive. My siblings don’t and they beg lifts from others all the time. I have a 7 seater car to fit my DNs in when I see them. I’ve driven 3 hours to see them then expected to drive somewhere else they want to visit because, guess what, public transport doesn’t go there! BILs don’t drive either. One was given a lift to work every single day. Person left and he was stuck. Always be prepared to look after your own needs and not be reliant on others!

Also trains and buses are highly polluting!!! They are not all electric by any means.

StreetwiseHercules really, do you think people are just inventing climate change to be mean to cars? And where do you think the electricity to power electric cars comes from?

We don't have any public transport in our village either. There is a school bus that would have cost dd1 1800 over two years if she'd used it to get to school. Was cheaper to buy her a car!

@BubblesBuddy

From your description I'd suspect even if they drove your relatives would still expect a designated driver! I get your frustration with people like that, but in my case, well I wouldn't live somewhere without public transport because I need it, it's no different to any other reason to choose somewhere to live really. And I have friends who live on farms, I visit them regularly, get public transport as far as I can and walk the rest! With a bit of thought and planning there's nothing I can't do that I want or need to.
I do agree that anyone who doesn't take responsibility for their own travel and relies on others all the time is a CF - but that's not restricted to people without a driving license, it tends to be a theme in their lives!

So tiresome

Like foolish rhetoric about car-hating?

I’m still waiting to understand all these “responsibilities” a non-driver is shirking. I’m a driver. I was unable to drive for 3 months. Guess what? Managed every thing I needed to without difficulty.

I find in general some car drivers very lacking in imagination.

I couldn't drive for 3 months after a knee op. I managed everything because dh and MIL did all the driving for me! I think it really depends where you live. Life without a car would be utterly miserable where I live.

I think it really depends where you live

Sure - but very few people actually seem to apply that with the whole "non-drivers = CFers" drivel.

I live semi-rurally, still close enough to walk (or hobble on crutches!) to the train station.

God there was a period of a few months where we didn't have a car for various reasons. I had one friend who would show up at my door on rainy days to give the kids a lift to school and be really huffy when we weren't ready. I hadn't asked her to give us a lift and didn't actually want one. Due to horrendous traffic it's much more pleasant and quicker to walk across the field wearing waterproofs and wellies than to sit in traffic and fight for a parking spot. She'd constantly try to give us unrequested and unwanted lifts while acting like it was a huge inconvenience. I had to start absolutely refusing to get in the car before she got the message.

Yeah Fibbke, it does, but when you don’t drive you factor that into decisions about where you live.

There’s a lot of tiny towns/villages near me that have poor public transport links but used to have better, 40/50 years ago. I’d like to see more done to bring that back. My PIL’s village used to have a train station and a decent bus service when they moved there and now has neither, and I worry how they’ll manage once they give up driving.

All the jobs I've ever applied for have required a full manual driving license.
I wouldn't have been able to find work without a driving licence.

Yeah I find it a bit odd tbh. I need a car to get to work- lots to carry, a twenty minute drive vs 2 buses and 1.5 hours, the difference between being home in time to eat dinner with my kids etc.
At the weekend the option to drive means that all my children can do various activities in different locations around the city.
We drive to the countryside, to visit friends, to go to farms, to go camping, on holiday, and many other reasons.
I would find it very restrictive to not be able to drive.
That said, I lived in London for five years and we didn’t own a car as it wasn’t necessary there. We did hire one for weekend visits to relatives though so I was still grateful to have the ability to drive when needed.

I lost my driving license a year ago when I was diagnosed with epilepsy. I can't reapply until my epilepsy has been controlled for a year. That's at best April next year

Big hug to you. Something similar has happened to a friend of mine - he had a stroke but was able to start driving again after 3 months, and then a couple of years later has had a couple of fits so can't drive for a year. We do have a bus from our town to his workplace but it takes an hour as opposed to 30 odd minutes by car. At least there is a bus though, he'd be in a real fix if it didn't.

Neither DH or myself drive. It's never been a problem, we don't live in a city but in a dormitory town with good transport links. I don't think I've ever sponged a lift off anyone

My husband can no longer drive due to illness and if I didn’t drive it would be a nightmare getting him to all his appointments. We live in an area which doesn’t have great bus and train services and it would take three buses to get him to hospital. Each to their own but I think it very much depends on where you live. If I lived in London I wouldn’t be driving either! My son lives there and when I visit I much prefer the tubes and buses than going in his car.

I live in a rural area, it's taken as read that you learn to drive as soon as you can here as the bus services are fairly crap. I honestly don't know how people can function unless they're in a town or city without a car. It must make life really tough.

It's also lovely being able to explore off the beaten track, go where you want when you want, work wise I can travel where I want, I can go and buy something and collect it, take the kids and dogs to the beach etc. It goes on. Why someone chooses not to drive other than through sheer terror of it or environmental reasons (which I get but where I live the public transport just isn't up to it), I just don't get. I'd rather chop an arm off except it'd be tough to steer then! It really gives you autonomy and independence.

I do think that most people commenting about how they view people who don't drive negatively would change their perspective if hit/injured by a driver like myself and it came to light (if I could pass the damned test that is) that had failed several times, had had other accidents because they're not very good and had been at fault because of this lack of skill. Think there'd be a lot of "You shouldn't be driving then" comments!

Our friends are pretty spread out geographically. I mentioned above that my husband and I take it in turns to drink or drive. Someone replied that they both drink, I presume as they use public transport or taxis. It would cost us a fortune to do that, a round trip to one of our friends would cost us more than 40 quid in a taxi or a 4 hour round trip on buses. The buses just aren't regular enough and do not cover the routes that are needed. Our local council is actually looking at reducing bus subsidies and they are cancelling some bus routes.

I don't drive. I don't ask for lifts. I get taxis in cases of ridiculous public transport options. I don't just sit at home until some cape-wearing driver comes to rescue me.

I find this thing about non-drivers being somehow incapable of coping with life in general very odd. When you've managed to successfully navigate bus and train timetables in various languages and countries (or even just your local one), I think that demonstrates quite a bit of capability.

Sure, not driving can be inconvenient in some cases. But mostly it's fine if you live somewhere with vaguely decent public transport.

I don't find it weird, we all have our reasons for not doing something etc I'm not really bothered if somebody can drive or not, as I only passed my test at 26 but before that I was like you OP and would get around fine on my own. It's the entitled non drivers that really wind me up and give all non drivers a bad name! I'm sick of being expected to give non driving work colleagues a lift to work because they've chosen to work somewhere in the next town over that doesn't have regular buses for the shifts we do...so they just assume us drivers will give them a lift n get shitty if we say no. They never offer me petrol money and expect me to drop them right outside their door, baring in mind everyone I have to drop home is right out of my way and I end up having to drive past my own house to pick up n drop people off!

It's probably my pregnancy hormones at the moment but it's really grating on me now, I've started saying no a lot and the non drivers get quite shitty with me! Like I'm expected to give them a lift and I'm a horrible person for saying no! It also annoys me when I plan to do a food shop etc after work but they want dropping home. I say I can drop them off at the supermarket but the CF have said ok several occasions, but can't you just drop me off first then go shopping?! Which means going back on myself!

But I digress! Basically I don't think it's weird, I don't really care who drives and who doesn't, but I do care when it impacts on me if people choose not to drive n expect lifts all the time for free.

I think it's essential to drive when you have children. Especially if you have to rely on public transport for school, clubs etc.

My relatives didn’t even have a car seat and expected me to have their DC in my car illegally. Apparently, if they had to worry about car seats in friends’ cars, they wouldn’t ever go anywhere!!! I said no car seat, no trips in my car! DNs and relatives or not. I’m not being done for non use of a car seat or a baby on a lap. Their attitude made me so cross. I gather taxis don’t have to have car seats so they went by taxi. Car seats were provided after that but I’m not going to have DC in my car without proper seats and restraint.

I’m loving all these non drivers who never get in a car! My relatives spend all their time getting in other people’s cars: friends, neighbours, colleagues, relatives etc.

I’m going to sell my big car fairly soon. I don’t need it every day. So I won’t be picking them up from the station 25 miles away from where I live when they come to stay. I suspect they won’t come to stay.

Driving doesn’t equate to freedom for everyone and tbh most of the people I’ve been in the car don’t seem to enjoy it or are tense borderline angry behind the wheel due to the actions of other drivers.

Everywhere I have lived and chosen to live has had great transportation links. We have two train station in my area within walking distance and buses running continuously that either drop me off within a block of my home or less than a 15 minute walk. My sons’ primary school and nursery are down the street (across the street from each other). They’re also building a secondary school about a five minutes walk away from his primary. There’s also a Sports Centre and a Community Centre near his primary where they have other activities for kids and adults. The likelihood my sons will need me driving to different places and such gets slimmer and slimmer if we stay where we are. Everything I need is within walking distance and it is usually quicker to walk than to drive especially during rush hour. My husband has a car and it sits in our drive part of the week. He sees clients all over London and it is quicker to take a train than drive and if he wants to do drinks after with them he can go because he doesn’t have to drive. My kids aren’t missing out and get excited when we take the bus or train. We travel all over. We go to festivals, museums, and parks in Birmingham, London, and Oxford. We’ve even visited their grandparents in Newcastle by train because it’s a lot quicker than driving. I also don’t have any family near by so no asking for a ride here and my husband offers but I turn it down unless it has to do with our youngest nap time (the car helps him fall asleep). I don’t have to worry about sitting in traffic, parking, car insurance, car upkeep, petrol, etc..

If you only have lived rurally or with little to no public transport I can understand needing for a car and struggling with the concept of not having one. The tarring of non-drivers though is a bit ridiculous.

I’m loving all these non drivers who never get in a car! My relatives spend all their time getting in other people’s cars: friends, neighbours, colleagues, relatives etc.
I do get in cars, though they have a 'taxi' sign on top of them I just wouldn't ever expect to not get somewhere under my own steam, or take a job or move to a house where I couldn't do that, just seems crazy to me, and I am quite offended by the assumption that I must be like that because I don't drive. I don't make a big issue out of it, I don't see why other people need to, especially as it impacts on no one but me, and I'm happy with my lot so to speak. Maybe the issue is that the people who rely on others have always done so, in other areas of their lives too, and as it's always been done for them, they don't see a reason to change because they don't need to?

I’m going to sell my big car fairly soon. I don’t need it every day. So I won’t be picking them up from the station 25 miles away from where I live when they come to stay. I suspect they won’t come to stay.
For that kind of distance I'd factor in the cost of a taxi into the trip - just like a driver factors in fuel/parking etc 🤷 or see if there's a local bus service, or shorter distance - walk! Backpacks and cases with wheels are my friend! And if they don't visit because they can't be bothered to sort themselves out, that's up to them really, not your problem.

I think it's essential to drive when you have children.

It’s not. Lots of families with children don’t drive, for a whole lot of reasons. It’s manageable.