CF gift giving

[PedroThePonyCowboy]

What are your friends and family like when it comes to gift giving for birthdays and Christmas? Any cheeky f**ckers who take the piss? My Sil would always ask for (without being asked she would just say I want this for my birthday and give a link) expensive makeup that costs about 40 to 50 pounds. She would then get me and dh cheap crap in return. Once it was a notebook for dh that cost about 5 pounds maximum. Dh never even uses notebooks, its still sitting in a drawer 4 years later. I put my foot down and said no more when she asked for 2 makeup products totally about 60 pounds for Christmas, I now pick the gifts for her that's similar to the crap she gets us. It just amazes me how cheeky some people are. Are they aware they are taking the piss? Do they feel entitled or something? I would never ask for an expensive specific gift even if I was asked and I would never ask for expensive gifts and buy something crap in return.

My sister married when I was 16. I had little money, just pocket-money (and not much of that) for, just like her at that age, I didn't have a job (our mother preferring for us to concentrate on our education).

The gift list was at Harrods (as you do). Friends were gobsmacked by it, one feeling rather cheap when she realised she'd bought them one glass instead of the box of 6 she thought she was getting. Nothing on the list was under £50.

I bought them something from it. A few days after the wedding she rang and complained that I'd only spend the 'little' I had, and demanded something else. My mother tried to argue but eventually gave in, and bought them something else on my behalf.

This is bad enough, but my mother and uncle paid for the entire thing between them. Neither the happy couple, nor the groom's family, paid a penny. My mother thought about remortgaging the house to cope (which is when her brother stepped in).

H2OH20Everywhere wow that's very entitled, did your sister know your mother was thinking about remortgaging her house to pay for the wedding? And to demand more from a 16 year old when you had presumably already spent 50 pounds beggars belief

My friend, who had lived with her boyfriend for 3 years before they got married filled the wedding list with le creuset, crystal glasses and a sodding washing machine! She said “well I can’t afford the good stuff so we might as well get other people to pay for it” I was gobsmacked, never known her to be so grabby before

Is it something about getting married that brings out the grabby entitlement of people?

I got a cardboard box from my sister for a wedding present. It had a ribbon around it and was designed for keepsakes, but was nevertheless a cardboard box. Her children were bridesmaids and page boys and their entire outfits were bought by me, as was their overnight stay in our venue. I have no children but buy Christmas and birthday gifts for her children. It's very one sided, but I guess she thinks I can afford it and she can't with children to support, although her husband earns a very good salary and I don't!

@PedroThePonyCowboy - no idea if she knew about the house. Knowing her she wouldn't have cared if she had. She's very weird wrt presents and has been for years. Openly told our mother she'd charity-shopped something my mum had given her immediately (which my mother would have kept for herself had she known she didn't like it). Went on and on about how 'grown-up' my Christmas present was one year - I was in my 20s so was expecting a copy of the Kama Sutra at the very least - to find a bog-standard cookery book! It was nice, but after how she'd been going on about it I was expecting something more. Another time she gave me miniature shower and conditioner bottles she'd taken from hotel rooms. With some other small items, but still. Really?!?!?!?

It does mean that now I spend as little thought, and money, as possible on her. Since nothing I get her is good enough I'd rather not waste my money on her, but save it for people who appreciate it.

Something else I've remembered: one Christmas I was at my mother's and had to make the obligatory call to Sis to thank her for her present. Asking, politely, what she'd got she went on to list EVERY single thing anyone had bought her, and how wonderful it was, but didn't mention my gift to her at all, let alone thank me for it! That pissed me off.

Herewegoagain123 a cardboard box for a wedding gift, Im not a grabby person but I would be annoyed with that as a gift and after you spent so much on them. Hope you didn't get her anything to expensive for her wedding?

My sister asks for things that are impossible to find, I say "I've looked everywhere and I can't find one of those" and she says "no, neither could I, that's why I asked you" - as if I have access to different shops or something, it's really frustrating.

I always ask for soap and scented candles.

There are loads of them on MN, especially parents, demanding holidays, weekends away, expensive gifts. Just don't indulge. 'That's beyond my budget, unfortunately.'

H2OH20Everywhere giving someone free shower gel from a hotel as a gift takes some brass neck. I wouldn't be able to do that and look the person in the face. Did she know your mam would have used the gift when she charity shopped it?

I got a cardboard box from my sister for a wedding present.

My husband's best man didn't get us anything. We gave him cash for his honeymoon as he requested for his. We did the same, and got nada.

And HIS wedding was central London, on a Friday, v expensive. Ours was a Saturday, we paid for his room, and provided a free bar and food Fri-Sun. And they go on lots of expensive foreign holidays.

I mean, I'm not grabby, but wtf! He'd have spent more if he'd stayed at home fore the weekend.

Pedro, she is older than me and married quite a long time ago, I gave them money as that's what they asked for. Its the same every Christmas, I'm lucky if I get a token gift and I have six to buy for. I rarely get a birthday card from her, despite cards and gifts for her and her family.

My late grandmother gave someone an empty biscuit tin for a wedding present once.

To be fair to her, she was normally the most generous person alive who was out for all she could give, but there had been a feud bubbling for decades and I think she had had enough.

tuxedocatsintophats never had demands for a holiday from the person but Sil once demanded that dh and bil all go thirds on a weekend away for their fathers birthday. It was about 100 pounds and fil doesn't even get dh anything for his birthday. Luckily I convinced dh to say no which she got really annoyed by

thecatsthecats that takes some brass next to be that cheeky, how can he even look you in the face after that. Free room and booze and not even a token gift

Herewegoagain123 do you buy gifts for her, her husband and her children and get nothing in return?

You’re definitely NBU.
My sister just didn’t bother buying me anything last year. I go out of my way to find things I know she would like. For years we got the left over merchandise from a well known MLM (she never did get the white Mercedes), and last year she just didn’t bother on the pretence that she couldn’t think of anything to buy me. I’m not picky, a gift card would have done!

Oh, what would upset me about that OP is, not so much the money, but the lack of care/lack of thought.
(eg. my Dsis doesn't have much, but made lovely, personalised handmade gifts for xmas - which I loved!)

Something that I've noticed recently is my parents usually send me a joint gift worth about £20 (last year, it was a £20 note) and they ignore my DH's birthday (fair enough). However, on their respective birthdays they send out gift lists of items worth about £40-£50 each.

Is this normal?

Our best man and maid of honour didn’t even give us a card! We laughed but still remember 10 years later.

I do get a small token gift at Christmas, e.g. a notebook or a candle (after spending £25+ x 6 on her children), but rarely get a birthday card.

Why not say to SIL and other family members that from now on you are only giving gifts to children not adults and you will not be expecting gifts from other people either? We’ve done that, the only adults we give presents to are our own DC, our mums and sometimes one another. It cuts down on the expense and exchange of unwanted tat.

We do still send cards and with people we are very close to we will go out on or near their birthdays and pay for the meal or show tickets. I might also occasionally see something that I think someone might really like and buy it just as a surprise but we’ve stepped off the treadmill of token gifts and it’s a great relief.

We always do a big Christmas dinner for a lot of extended family and the first Christmas that we had all agreed on the no present thing I was a bit concerned that it might leave a bit of a gap into the day but with food, drink, games and some fairly crazy singing and dancing we didn’t miss them at all.

My brother once came to me with what he obviously thought was an inspired (and thrifty!) gift, which was the offer of him and his wife babysitting for a few hours.

I never took him up on it.

My sil hinted heavily to my husband she wanted an outfit for her bday (cost £50). She bought me two jumpers sized 16-18 for £20. I am a size 12. I have put on weight since having my ds(used to be an 8) but I am still smaller than her. I appreciate you shouldn't give to receive and should only pay what you can afford but she shows so little thought I would really rather she didn't bother.

She has 1 child and expects him to get 2 gifts from us for birthdays and celebrations because we have two kids and she has to buy them a birthday gift each.

I have a sibling like that. He always bought me basic presents until he got together with his now wife and I suppose he decided that was her job now. I can see the reasoning albeit don’t agree and it was just a cheapskate, lazy bastard excuse. It would have been his money and she wasn’t working so had the time. I bought her a welcome to the family lovely / expensive present the first Xmas. They got dh and me nothing. The next year I thought surely not again, gave a smaller gift. Again zero and she had the audacity to say the present didn’t go with the house...

It was really hard after that for me to give them a wedding gift - additionally they are critical of dd, dh and me and especially horrible to me.