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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF gift giving

158 replies

PedroThePonyCowboy · 17/06/2019 14:26

What are your friends and family like when it comes to gift giving for birthdays and Christmas? Any cheeky f**ckers who take the piss? My Sil would always ask for (without being asked she would just say I want this for my birthday and give a link) expensive makeup that costs about 40 to 50 pounds. She would then get me and dh cheap crap in return. Once it was a notebook for dh that cost about 5 pounds maximum. Dh never even uses notebooks, its still sitting in a drawer 4 years later. I put my foot down and said no more when she asked for 2 makeup products totally about 60 pounds for Christmas, I now pick the gifts for her that's similar to the crap she gets us. It just amazes me how cheeky some people are. Are they aware they are taking the piss? Do they feel entitled or something? I would never ask for an expensive specific gift even if I was asked and I would never ask for expensive gifts and buy something crap in return.

OP posts:
Original poster
PedroThePonyCowboy · 17/06/2019 17:45

Lots of cheeky people about it seems when it comes to gift giving, really don't know how they have the nerve.
Also hate the trend of just asking for the money on birthdays, Christmas and weddings. The past few weddings have all just said no gifts but money instead please. How much are you supposed to give? Sil has also asked for gifts and asked for the money for it. She has also bought a gift for other family members on all the siblings behalfs without asking dh, then demanded a third of the money for it (no idea if she tells the family members it was from all of them). But thankfully I have put a stop to that also.

OP posts:
MarieIVanArkleStinks · 17/06/2019 17:58

Passive aggressive presents were the forte of one extended family member of DH's. DH would always receive thoughtful gifts: hers to me were always as naff as humanly possible. One her her funniest efforts on my account was a child's bracelet for Christmas one year. (I didn't have a child at that point).

She was severely irritated when we clipped her wings by suggesting that in future we only buy for the DC.

I regretted this course of action fairly recently, when I discovered a belter in the 'Literary Gift Company' in the form of 'Lady Macbeth's Guest Soap' ...

Drogosnextwife · 17/06/2019 18:02

would never ask for an expensive specific gift even if I was asked

This is where you are going wrong with her. As soon as she send you a long with what she wants, send one straight back with what you want, matching the total price of her gift.

sadkoala · 17/06/2019 18:17

God people are shocking!
We went to a destination wedding recently where they had a John Lewis gift list and the cheapest item was £150!
We ended up gifting a card and posh chocs instead and I'm not even sorry.

NitrousOxide · 17/06/2019 18:45

I know some couples who will give each of their friends one token present ‘from both of us’ but expect one decent present each in return. It’s even worse when they have kids.

Tough shit I say, they give a joint token present, they receive a joint token present Grin

Crankybitch · 17/06/2019 18:48

For these people that send a list of demands - why don’t you send one back

Then buy them something they would normally buy you 😂

Liverpool52 · 17/06/2019 18:53

I tend to only buy vouchers for my brother and his children. Not much I know but they really do have everything. Last Christmas I got absolutely no acknowledgement from the girls for their gifts let alone a thanks (they're both teenagers so wouldn't have taken much to drop me a text). And the only thing I got from my brother was a voicemail message telling me not to bother in future buying him anything (I'd bought him and his girlfriend an experience for two). Not so much as a Christmas card from any of them.

Won't be getting them anything this year.

honeygirlz · 17/06/2019 19:19

@imagrumpalo

My SIL and BIL (DHs sister) sent DS a present costing all of £3 for his birthday, price tag included. Because his birthday is in December and you know it's a big shock that it's near Christmas. if they were hard up I wouldn't care but given they can afford fuck tons of trips and holidays every year it did upset me.

That with a joint Christmas present for the dcs which isn't something you can "share" easily!

It's her dcs 1st birthday in a couple of weeks and I haven't got anything yet because part of me wants to send a passive aggressive £3 present in return but she'd kick off and I'm not good at confrontation.

YANBU. How much do they spend on your dc birthday? Just match that, easy.

I'm probably being UR but it just annoys me!

Likepebblesonthebeach · 17/06/2019 19:21

My friend gets me the same present every Christmas - penny’s pyjamas & a bottle of wine. I know what I’m getting and I’m happy with them. However he always asks for restaurant vouchers for him & his fiancé. So I can’t exactly give €10 as it will be a meal for two so usually at least €35. He asks for the same for his birthday but every year for mine he forgets my present and it’s forgotten about.
It’s his fiancés birthday coming up and he sent a text saying that they’d like money.... he’s getting a bottle of Prosecco. Friend doesn’t buy for my DH why do I get roped into buying for both?!

MegaClutterSlut · 17/06/2019 19:29

Wow some people are seriously cheeky fuckers! I also can't believe the amount of people on here that bow down to their requests and put up with it. No wonder they take the piss

honeygirlz · 17/06/2019 19:51

Friend doesn’t buy for my DH why do I get roped into buying for both?!

Because you’re a mug, from now on get friend a bottle of wine on his birthday and nothing for this girlfriend.

theworldistoosmall · 17/06/2019 19:59

Gift lists are easy to deal with

Aww maybe next year. Already finished buying gifts.

Some cf’s will ask if you can return. —
Bit busy at the moment. If I get time I will. Then change the subject.

Or get scouting for equally expensive stuff that you all want. Although some will raise the bar and the list will become more the following year.

Zbag · 17/06/2019 20:19

My sister pisses me off with gifts. I always buy for her and her children on birthdays and Christmas yet she doesn't for my children. She is happy enough to turn up their parties with her kids and eat the food and accept the gift bags but for the last 3 years they haven't even got a card from her. I have never asked her why, because its an awkward topic and she would only say she doesn't have enough money anyway because she spentit all on cocaine

Original poster
PedroThePonyCowboy · 17/06/2019 20:58

We went to a destination wedding recently where they had a John Lewis gift list and the cheapest item was £150! Shock cheeky b**tards.

Likepebblesonthebeach if he doesn't buy for your dh and he forgets your birthday why are you getting his fiancé anything, surely you should just get sweet f**k all?

And the only thing I got from my brother was a voicemail message telling me not to bother in future buying him anything how ungrateful, goid thing you are not bothering in the future

Reading some of these comments, I cant believe how people have the nerve to be so cheeky and entitled, how can they look the people in the face again?

OP posts:
Original poster
PedroThePonyCowboy · 17/06/2019 20:59

Zbag can't you stop buying gifts and use the not enough money excuse?

OP posts:
Outsomnia · 17/06/2019 21:01

I buy for you, you buy for me, endless hassle, so why bother? If you like someone and they like you, none of this gift buying crap is necessary. Mutually agreed.

Might save the planet too somehow!

The kiddies are different, would always give them something. Adults need to grow up though!

Original poster
PedroThePonyCowboy · 17/06/2019 21:03

AGirlHasNoCake if you leave it up to dh won't he just cave into his sisters demands? Your Sil will then just continue to take the piss. That's why I said no more and put my foot down, Sil gets the same stuff she gets us and gets the answer no for any joint gifts.

OP posts:
Original poster
PedroThePonyCowboy · 17/06/2019 21:12

Im remembering more that my cheeky Sil has done. For Bil's 25th birthday she demanded dh goes half for a joint birthday gift for him that she picked. It was concert tickets and my mug of a husband even bought them so when it turned out Bil didn't like the band my DH had to sell the tickets at a loss that of course we ended up out of pocket for. It was her idea but she didn't offer to pay for the loss in selling the tickets and she didn't even say sorry or thanks. And dh didn't even get a nice present for his 30th from her.

OP posts:
Yabbers · 17/06/2019 21:26

What’s the AIBU?

Scoobydobbywho · 17/06/2019 21:29

All these stories make me glad that we do Secret Santa for all the adults, one for dh family and one for mine. So you get to spend a bit more upto the allotted amount. If there is anything in particular your person wants they can ask for it. Children are all bought presents from everyone.

Accountant222 · 17/06/2019 21:47

My friends is a complete cheeky fucker. She keeps a note book of things she has bought and when she's had enough of the item, try's to sell at a profit.

Her daughter was getting married and had lived with boyfriend for a good while, so money was requested in lieu of wedding presents.

She had another note book going for this wedding, a list of guests, a column for her estimate of money to be given and another column for the actual amount given. She was hoping the daughter would be able to fund a new kitchen.

honeygirlz · 18/06/2019 07:30

@Accountant222 that doesn't sound that CF, unless she's hassling people to buy her things at a profit to her and to give more money for her dd's wedding?

Drogosnextwife · 18/06/2019 07:31

I honestly don't have a problem with people asking for money for their wedding. Why would anyone want a mound of gifts they don't need from people, it's such a waste of money. Also saves lugging a present to the wedding.

user1493413286 · 18/06/2019 07:37

A box of toiletries from sets people had given her over a few years that she didn’t want, it included some stuff I’d previously given her and were clearly the bits she didn’t want from the sets.
I wasn’t too bothered by not getting wedding presents as people had paid to stay over near our venue and travelled.

Accountant222 · 18/06/2019 07:41

@honeygirlz no I suppose it doesn't if you don't know her, the daughter couldn't care less about who gave what money. The Mother would have recorded it for future reference, ie how much to spend on them in the future.

The Mother is currently separated from the Dad, but no sign of divorce, that will happen after wealthy MIL has passed away.