CF gift giving

[PedroThePonyCowboy]

What are your friends and family like when it comes to gift giving for birthdays and Christmas? Any cheeky f**ckers who take the piss? My Sil would always ask for (without being asked she would just say I want this for my birthday and give a link) expensive makeup that costs about 40 to 50 pounds. She would then get me and dh cheap crap in return. Once it was a notebook for dh that cost about 5 pounds maximum. Dh never even uses notebooks, its still sitting in a drawer 4 years later. I put my foot down and said no more when she asked for 2 makeup products totally about 60 pounds for Christmas, I now pick the gifts for her that's similar to the crap she gets us. It just amazes me how cheeky some people are. Are they aware they are taking the piss? Do they feel entitled or something? I would never ask for an expensive specific gift even if I was asked and I would never ask for expensive gifts and buy something crap in return.

My nutter Aunt went through an oil painting phase- tiny (6x8cm) seascapes. Like matchstick sized lighthouse, horizon, sea & weeny seagulls.

That’s all we got from her as presents throughout our teens, including 18th & 21st birthdays. Always included a card that said ‘I reserve the right to borrow this piece back to place in exhibitions’.

One year I honestly couldn’t find the one she wanted to borrow back, she went apeshit. From then on I received only laminated photocopies of her ‘masterpieces’, with printed calendars on the back. Infinitely more useful, as it turns out, and properly disposable!

Another relative had the balls to ring me and ask why I hadn’t bought him & bride any wedding present. Apparently organising for his (very niche) wedding dance song to be musically arranged, rehearsed and performed by professional musicians (costing us over $800) didn’t count. We even framed the sheet music for them to keep. Admittedly, we gave it to them during the speeches, not wrapped. Spent months trying to repair my reputation with the 17 relatives they’d whined to about us.

CFery runs strong in my family group...

PedroThePonyCowboy I have thought about doing this, but I couldn't bare to see my neice and nephew sad on xmas and birthdays because I didn't get them something. She obviously doesn't care that it makes my kids sad though.

Haha I have a few of these!

Me and my husband use to buy for his brothers 4 children at Xmas and birthdays and when the youngest two were born special gifts that cost a lot as sentimental....Xmas would cost us £120 on their kids...never ever got a thank you or a Christmas card or anything...I stopped buying anything for them after the last time...the baby was not quite 2 months old at Xmas, I bought age 3-6 month clothes. (They always asked for clothes) SIL then moaned to MIL that the clothes didn't fit so never put on him...I never got told this until months after so couldn't offer to take back! I always told them we keep recites for everything if any issues!! SIL would moan about everything people got and didn't like, but couldn't even mutter a thank you!! Couldn't give kids money as they would spend it on fags and booze...so only option left was to not buy anything as we don't have money to waste.

We've just had our first baby and not even a card to say congrats!

When we got married a bridesmaid didn't get us a card even let alone a gift...we were happy to not have gifts, but a card would at least of been nice!! After all I spend £70 dress £35 hair £75x2 for meals, £40 on thank you gift...a card wouldn't of been too much surely!?

And my grandma...this cracks me up! She loves to give me and my sister all her old junk for birthdays that she has got from charity shops! Like hankies with embroidered flowers, or flowers with little wires on for crafting, a bible when I'm not religious etc and they aren't short of money at all...I know it sounds ungrateful...but she does it so she can have a clear out 🤣 she also gave my step mum a gift with a big speech of I saw this and thought of you blah blah turns out it was a gift my step mum gave her a couple of years before 🤣🤣🤣

OMG some of these stories. A friend recently got married and I did her cake, I am not a professional baker so I had to buy all the ingrdients as well as cake pans, cake bases etc etc. It was a three tier cake, two fake tiers, and two tray bakes. There was also cakes for allergies. All together I spent over €500 on baking the cake. Not including the trial cakes in the lead up.

I felt bad giving her "just" a card, so I bought her a token present. Ends up when they were getting packed into cars the next day, all the cards were put together as were the presents (I had my present and card in a present bag so not sure why they were separated) so they hadn't a clue what people had bought them to send out their thank you cards. I just told her what I had got them so she could try figure out the rest. lol

ImMeant I hope your friend said thank you?

@honeygirlz oh she did, as did the groom and best man in their speeches.

I was more getting at the fact that I could never be stingy - maybe that's why I am always broke despite being on a decent enough wage!

This is so bloody outing. But anyway.
My brother used to give me a figure for my birthday £40. But when I got with my now ex he used to give us £20 each. On my brothers birthday I sent him £40 back.

I split with my ex between my brother giving the £20 each to us and his birthday.
I'd become a single parent, and was on my first holiday that I'd had since splitting and my brother messaged to ask where his birthday money way. I paypalled him £25 and said have a drink from me and my daughter.
He wanted to know why I'd only sent £25 as he was down on his birthday money and was expecting more and also complained I'd accidentally picked the wrong PayPal thing so he lost £1 something from his already expected and budgeted birthday money that I'd not sent. He never ever said thank you.
The following year a week before my birthday he text and asked if we were still doing £40 each as he didn't want to send me the money if we weren't doing agreed amounts anymore. I just told him to send me a card and forget anything else.

A relative of mine on my mum's side is like this. My brother (19) for Christmas last year got a 'Black bean coffee scrub' off of this person and i myself (22) got a single free sample face mask from boots. Bearing in mind i can't use the product due to sensitive skin. This person has two young children who my mum buys significant, well thought out gifts for. It came wrapped in near enough a full role of wrapping paper too to make it seem like there was more there.

@ImMeantToBeWorking

I was more getting at the fact that I could never be stingy - maybe that's why I am always broke despite being on a decent enough wage!

It's great that you're a generous friend but you do need to be careful that people don't take advantage of you.

Do people reciprocate and do nice things for you?

I had a friend group who brought gifts for each other until one woman decided only kids should recieve gifts and tried to enforce it. She was the only one with a child. Expected 5 gifts for her DC and give nothing to anyone else. Initially we thought she meant presents for DC instead of her but no she wanted every one to stop giving to adults so her DC could have it all. Sent a stupidly expensive gift list (i.e. wooden play house) presumably thinking as we would now only be buying for her we could all afford a huge gift.

We all quietly ignored her until after Christmas when she sent individual letters in thank you cards saying how she expected the gift was delayed but can she have it now as DC (18 months) was waiting for it. If she didnt recieve it soon she would guess we didnt want to be friends with her anymore.

She still (10 years later) ignores us all in the street.

@honeygirlz she would do anything I asked of her! She did offer to pay for the stuff for the cake, I said no from the start as I was doing it as her present, I just didn't realise how expensive it was going to be! It is my own fault really, but I know for again!

I learned a long time ago who I should and should not stay friends with.

My sister in law sells her ‘unwanted’ presents on Facebook a week after her birthday/ Xmas.
She asked for a certain Perfume (pretty expensive) which we got her, only for me to see her post an ad on Facebook trying to sell it for £5 cheaper than I paid

I'd never judge people by the gifts they give, because you don't know their situation, but the asking for expensive presents is bizarre - unless you're Santa? @Vangoghsdog your one did make me laugh though!

My sil always tells my parents the 'big presents' they / their kids are hoping for in the hopes my parents will buy them. Luckily my parents are wise to it now.

I never really understood why they would be happy to get their dc crap for Christmas and let grandparents get them the best presents. Would understand if money was an issue but it's not.

We're probably the CFs in my DHs family. SIL and BIL spend so much on gifts for Christmas, birthdays and various other occasions. We just can't afford to reciprocate in the same way. I try to get something well thought out/meaningful etc but it's never in comparison cost wise.
I often think that they think we're cheap, but Im not taking on OD or credit cards for presents. I feel really awkward 🤷
Dsis is in the same position and we set a £0 budget and get creative we enjoy it, but ILs wouldn't - they tend to think things are 'tacky' etc.

Maybe our family (close, no feuds lol) is weird, but we agreed years ago to forget about birthday and Christmas gifts for anyone over 18 who was working.

same in my family, otherwise it's bonkers. Also I hate giving and receiving things I do not need or want.

My birthday is a few days after my SIL & I’m certain I get her presents someone else has bought her, there are never any tags on them, I got perfume last yr but with no cellophane on it, prob tried it & didn’t like it so thought would give to me, I’m always quite thoughtful with presents, my MIL never gets me anything anymore & the last present got 2 yrs ago was a baking tray, chocs which had obviously melted & had white bits on them & a random book from an author I had never heard of, my birthday present from last yr is still at my BIL house she gave to him to give to me!

Very odd. My pils and my dps are the opposite and would be happy whatever we bought them,.

They are generous with us.

Likewise with my own dc who are now adults. Delighted if they get us things but would rather they didn't spent a great deal.

Yes a relative would ask for perfume/straighteners which I'd get her and also buy for her DH and DC, she'd give me a £10 M&S voucher in return and said "Christmas is for children so here's a little something". When I had my own DC, she decided we'd only buy for children, despite it being fine for me to buy for all of them.
I didn't say anything for the sake of peace, she's a bit toxic.

OP I think you need to get that notebook out of the drawer, together with a few more bits and bobs, take a picture and post on Facebook with a merry, " Been clearing out the tut cupboard, now off to donate to the charity shop!"

You don't have to say anything, Pomegranate, you just stop giving her stuff and repeat her own line back to her 'Christmas is for kids.'

We do a secret Santa for all the adults in the family so everyone gets one thing

We just say cards only now to relatives and friends for birthdays and xmas etc. That's all you have to do with cheeky grasping types.
We were stuck with giving my uncle and aunt £60.00 at Christmas and they used to send us £40.00 and loads of chocolates. It was stupid as we didn't even want all those sweets.

Dsis gets nothing for my DD every year. DD is the only child in the family for 16 years. I get her lots of lovely expensive makeup, as it's what she asks for, she's always buying herself expensive lingerie, makeup, perfume, nails, trips away. She still lives at home, pays no rent and no bills (parents STILL pay for her phone!) I love my sister and I don't think she realises how hurtful it is. DD would be happy with a little £1 toy!

@Outsomnia

“I suppose I just don't understand why adults feel the need for gifts apart from their DP/DH/kids”

I know you weren’t at all meaning to upset anyone, but this made me quite sad. Does that mean I get no presents? Because it sounds like it does. I’m not married and have no children. I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers, 4 nephews, 8 nieces, various niece and nephew in-laws and a little great niece. I’m only 42 but am much younger than my siblings. And they still buy me gifts for birthday and Christmas. It doesn’t matter what price it is, it can be a £2 notebook or a more expensive Denby cast-iron pot or anything in between. And I buy the nieces and nephews things, sometimes it’s just money, if I cannot think of anything. But I try to come up with interesting things. Some of the nieces buy me gifts and get excited when they know they’ve got something I’ll love. And I get excited about buying their gifts in return. I buy my siblings things at odd times of the year and my siblings in law. And I got my brother in law 12 packets of wine gums for his 65th birthday Cos he loves them!

I suppose my point is that it doesn’t matter what the gift is, if thought has gone into it. All these stories of unpleasant relations are awful! I cannot imagine behaving like that! So weird!!

And the other point is family isn’t just spouse/partner/children.

Btw I’m on Mumsnet because it was the only forum I could find discussing a National Book Tokens quiz a few years ago, and I stayed for the hilariousness!