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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

CF gift giving

158 replies

PedroThePonyCowboy · 17/06/2019 14:26

What are your friends and family like when it comes to gift giving for birthdays and Christmas? Any cheeky f**ckers who take the piss? My Sil would always ask for (without being asked she would just say I want this for my birthday and give a link) expensive makeup that costs about 40 to 50 pounds. She would then get me and dh cheap crap in return. Once it was a notebook for dh that cost about 5 pounds maximum. Dh never even uses notebooks, its still sitting in a drawer 4 years later. I put my foot down and said no more when she asked for 2 makeup products totally about 60 pounds for Christmas, I now pick the gifts for her that's similar to the crap she gets us. It just amazes me how cheeky some people are. Are they aware they are taking the piss? Do they feel entitled or something? I would never ask for an expensive specific gift even if I was asked and I would never ask for expensive gifts and buy something crap in return.

OP posts:
Fishfingerface1 · 18/06/2019 18:18

I agree that some people are very cheeky expecting expensive presents and giving little in return . However the Christmas present I always remember and really enjoyed was one from my aunt . It was a shoe caddy thing with lots of pockets to hang over a door. Into each pocket was a little gift.... some free samples of handcream and other products. Shampoo sachets , combs, hair bands and bars of chocolate . Jewellry and tights. I loved it . I was 12 and appreciated the trouble she had gone to . Somehow expensive gifts have not stuck in my mind in the same way .

SunshineCake · 18/06/2019 18:54

Stop buying decent presents for people who are using you, especially when doing so to stop them having a toddler tantrum.. Both sides need to grow up.

Diva66 · 18/06/2019 18:56

My SiL gave me a souvenir tin of Scottish shortbread with the Best Before date scratched off. As she hasn’t visited Scotland in recent years I imagine someone had given it to her. She gave my OH a gift bag full of nice stuff ...

YoThePussy · 18/06/2019 19:10

Fishfingerface1 what a lovely present. I would like that now as an adult.

Can I throw into the debate CFs who give a joint present to people who don’t even live together but expect individual presents for them. Not that I am am bitter or anything but when the other person involved receives a lovely bottle of wine and box of chocolates and consumes the lot it is a bit of a pisser.

EllenMP · 18/06/2019 19:17

Surely anyone who thinks they are classy enough to register at Harrods knows that the correct response to any gift is "Thank you SO much, that's EVER so kind of you."

Itssosunny · 18/06/2019 19:21

Sometimes I don't want to buy any gifts for anyone except my DH and DC. Christmas is the worst. I don't want to buy gifts and don't want to receive them either. I just want peace.

WindsweptEgret · 18/06/2019 19:22

Tell her what you would like to a similar value,
or
tell her you have a budget of £x per person and that she can get back to you when she's thought of something else she would like,
or
buy her what she wants but as a group present, splitting the cost with other family.

Nettie1964 · 18/06/2019 19:32

My x sil asked us for an expensive piece of furniture for Christmas. At the time she lived at home with the patents paid no rent dinner cooked washing done etc. We had 3 kids under 6 a mortgage and a start up business. We bought her a chair and a pot of lining paste. But said

Friendlylynn · 18/06/2019 19:37

This is a some what frustrating subject as it largely depends on a person's personal budget and their gift choices and life experiences.
In my case I plan throughout the year and pick up appropriate gifts when I find them for those that I choose to spend money on.
I save up Amazon vouchers throughout the year and then look at finding some things nearer to Christmas.
As too the expensive gift lists that brides consider are the norm these days, no way did I do that, though it was requested by several guests .
My cousin got married down South a few years ago, we attended the wedding as invited guests and my Aunt took much pride in showing us, the department store in Watford where the brides wedding gift list had come from.
We gave them a small, by Southern standards cheque so they could get what they needed.

I also make sewing gifts for friends as Birthday and Christmas gifts but do not give them to some members of my family, as they refuse to accept handmade gifts.

Booyahkasha · 18/06/2019 19:42

My sister (marrying a rich dude!) did a normal-ish wedding list only for his uncle to buy the whole lot.... basically to show off his wealth! Not great for the rest of us normals though!

FelicisNox · 18/06/2019 19:50

My story is tame compared to all of yours. I've attended 2 weddings in 3 weeks:

Wedding one demanded nothing but John Lewis vouchers and then told everyone they had amassed a grand.

Wedding 2 didn't stipulate but the wedding itself was fairly grand but everything went wrong behind the scenes (I don't think the bride knows) and none of the guests want to complain about rude service, poor food and finding other guests in their beds.

TooManyPaws · 18/06/2019 20:03

I also make sewing gifts for friends as Birthday and Christmas gifts but do not give them to some members of my family, as they refuse to accept handmade gifts.

That's shocking. Handmade are the presents I love most because of the thought and the hours of work that have gone into them. How can clicking a button on an online shopping site compare?

Lillyringlet · 18/06/2019 20:03

My dad and aunt (who is married to my dad) are awful.

They make a big deal of getting anything for me. My dad always calls up asking what books I would like, I give him a few options, and then I am expected to make a big deal about getting one that costs about a fiver.

Worst of all, they expect a certain amount spent on them and my cousin.

One year for my cousin's birthday, me and my sister were waiting for our first pay check from our new jobs. We had both taken some time off to spend the last few weeks/days with my grandad and then the funeral. This meant we had very little money. We get a huge box of cousin's favourite sweets at the time for about 8 quid from the two of us. Please note that our cousin gets 3 for £1 sweet packs (keeps a pack for herself) and a £1 thing of shower gel while using her staff discount to get it all half price anytime it is our birthday or Christmas. If we are "lucky" we might get a cheap pair of socks (also around £1.

My dad pulls us outside and basically orders us into the car and to go get a better present with us spending £10 on her each...

On top of this, we are seeing how much they have gotten her with all these expensive presents coming out when we are expected to feel grateful if we get a card with a fiver in it.

I wish we had just gotten in the car and not returned that night. Instead we went to the shopping centre up the road and cried our eyes out as my sister drove me home.

My sister stopped talking to him not long after. I wish we both had though that night. He might have gotten a clue that he was an arse.

Strawberry2017 · 18/06/2019 20:13

My FIL attended our wedding after showing no interest in it, ate the free food, blagged a lift home with an elderly relative and didn't even bother to get us a card let alone a gift.
DH got so sick of his DF been so useless with gifts he now no longer bothers, I always ask if we are getting something but the answer is always no! X

Wheresmrlion · 18/06/2019 20:14

Sort of. We ask family member what their family wants for Christmas and they ask for a family gift e.g. national trust membership. Fine, happy to do that and within price range.

However we always receive complete crap in return! Generic thoughtless tat, random crockery, Christmas themed plastic games, just awful stuff, like regifting their work secret Santa or something. I want a national trust membership in return but DH won’t ask!

Makes me slightly cross every year.

FloofenHoofen · 18/06/2019 20:16

At least your family opens the presents OP, my mum collects my xmas presents and then basically piles them up in a corner in her living room, unwrapped.
Found a bunch recently because she'd had a stroke and I had to go into her flat.

At least that's one person crossed off my xmas list!

FloofenHoofen · 18/06/2019 20:17

I meant still wrapped, I've confused myself 🤔

WipeYourFeetOnTheRhythmRug · 18/06/2019 20:20

“Why not say to SIL and other family members that from now on you are only giving gifts to children not adults and you will not be expecting gifts from other people either?“

We have done this for years. I am particular about what comes into the house so it cuts down on tat.

pinkstripeycat · 18/06/2019 20:22

20 yrs ago our best man said he was going to buy us a really nice set of cutlery for a wedding gift so not to buy any ourselves before DH and I moved in together. DH was in the forces and I lived at home so neither of us had house stuff already. Wedding was a sat and we moved in to our new home on the Monday. Opening wedding gifts Sunday morning. Prezzie from best man - £5 book token! Very very odd. My sis had to lend me a few knives and forks b4 we could get to the shop to buy some cutlery. Best man and his dad and brother drank expensive whisky all night and put it on “our tab” which didn’t exist but we were billed for his drinks!

Vivianebrookskoviak · 18/06/2019 20:27

I once as a teen with my pocket money bought a friend two vinyl LPs and a video that came to something like £13 in total. I got two packs of cheap scented(I couldn't smell anything) candles that can't have been anything more than £2 in total. She knew full well how much that lot cost.She was working in a factory on a good wage at the time.Since then there's few people I buy presents for and friends are not any of them.

EnchentButteler · 18/06/2019 20:29

Regifted gift from FIL with label addressed to him stuck on the bottom. CF twat.

Vivianebrookskoviak · 18/06/2019 20:33

I'm not surprised that some people don't accept handmade though as even some handmade stuff at these pricey Christmas markets despite the price is just pure tat.
What? £10 for a piece of slate with a simple painted name on it that's supposed to be a coaster? Hmm

ShowMeTheKittens · 18/06/2019 20:53

I once received a potato peeler from my SIL and my partner received chocolate toothpaste.
My ex insisted on buying her really nice things but I put my foot down.
Funnily enough, they started giving me really expensive things but still gave him crap.

ShowMeTheKittens · 18/06/2019 20:57

PS. My friend at school used to tell me about a lovely present she had got me and then just as the date dawned on which she would give it to me, she would say she wanted to keep it.
I really got fed up with her as we used to take her on holiday etc.
Also she allowed something pretty terrifying to happen to me and turned away instead of helping.
So I stopped seeing her.
Then she turned up one day on my 19th birthday with a beautiful present which was a bit childish... Peter Rabbit china. I was out.
I am afraid I never thanked her. My Mum liked the china so that was that.

TowandaForever · 18/06/2019 21:00

@Matildalamp why 12 packets?