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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

On phone during bj

156 replies

JudasHisCarrot · 16/06/2019 21:48

Hi all, just wanted some thoughts as not sure whether I'm overreacting.

Was giving my bf a blow job on the sofa earlier (my suggestion), and a couple on minutes in he picks up his phone and starts looking at it. I asked what he was doing and he said catching up on whatsapp messages from his mates' group chat. I must have looked shocked because he said he didn't think it would be a big deal.

I stopped and came upstairs, had a shower and pottered around. After half an hour he came up and said sorry. I said that I didn't want to talk to him.

He has form for being on his phone A LOT, just on twitter and messaging his mates, nothing dodgy. And recently he has started not looking at me whilst we're talking, glancing at the tv like he's bored and not listening to me. That's why I may be more pissed off about this than I should have been. I just feel so hurt, and feel like it shows that he doesn't respect me. In all other ways he is a good boyfriend so I just don't know how to take it.

What do you reckon? How would you react?

OP posts:
shushymcshush · 16/06/2019 22:50

Defo OutInTheCountry

WhereForArtThouBray · 16/06/2019 22:55

That is beyond rude and I would definitely LTB over it.

Uptheduffagai · 16/06/2019 23:04

Wow I'm a bit of a phone addict but surely that's the last situation you reply to WhatsApp messages! How could he even concentrate? That's so weird I'd definitely get rid.

HazelBite · 16/06/2019 23:05

I've heard it all now!
Sorry Op, he cannot be arsed with you!
So dispectful to be looking at his phone when when sharing any "interaction" with you.
Have some pride, he is just not that into you! I'm surprised you did not ram the phone down his throat.

JemSynergy · 16/06/2019 23:06

People and their phone situations are getting more and more out of control. Can no one stay off their phone anymore not even during a BJ?

MashedSpud · 16/06/2019 23:09

How humiliating.

FizzyGreenWater · 16/06/2019 23:10

Sounds like adhd/add to me.

?!? Grin

That is so mumsnet.

op MAYBE HE IS DEPRESSED. YOU SHOULD HAVE A SPA DAY.

Original poster
JudasHisCarrot · 16/06/2019 23:10

Really helpful Eleanor, thanks. I'm 34 and came here with a relationship problem that hurt my feelings. Was that necessary?

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 16/06/2019 23:12

Blimy op. That’s shit. He’s lucky you didn’t bite.
It just says so much , like. “ even sex with you is dull “
“I’m not interested enough in you to even feign a connection with you”
“What’s app is soo much better than my gf”
End it now op, and get yourself someone a bit more.....alive.

EleanorReally · 16/06/2019 23:12

why feel the need to share with mumsnet?

KnittingForMittens · 16/06/2019 23:13

Should've chomped down on the little fella.

HiJenny35 · 16/06/2019 23:13

A little bite and I'm pretty sure he'd pay more attention next time.

ReanimatedSGB · 16/06/2019 23:14

Even if he wasn't enjoying himself all that much, that's a rude, passive-aggressive response. If you're not enjoying sexual activity, you politely point this out to your partner and suggest having a cup of tea instead. Or something. At least don't let them look up and catch you Not Enjoying.

EleanorReally · 16/06/2019 23:15

to coin a phrase, I dont think he is in to you op

PregnantSea · 16/06/2019 23:18

I would be thinking of ending it, but it's not just "over this". It's everything else. This isn't an isolated incident, he's been distant and disrespectful for a while now.

Maybe just speak to him and say that if he doesn't cut down massively on his phone time and start playing an active part in your relationship then it will be over. And mean it.

ScreamingLadySutch · 16/06/2019 23:18

not sure whether I'm overreacting... I may be more pissed off about this than I should have been. I just feel so hurt, and feel like it shows that he doesn't respect me.

Always, always trust your gut and never doubt yourself. He violated your boundaries which is why you feel the way you do. You felt this way because you were being disrespected.

He's not that into you. That is his right, it doesn't have to be personal, but IIWY I would end it to keep your self respect. There are lovely blokes out there that would really appreciate you.

ReanimatedSGB · 16/06/2019 23:19

Mind you, an ex-fling of mine once lit a cigarette while I was giving him a blowjob. I sat up and asked for a cigarette for myself, as it was clearly time for a fag break...

Totur · 16/06/2019 23:22

I'm an old fart but I'm a little lost at the part where you initiated this.... He clearly didn't want it - why bother.

janetforpresident · 16/06/2019 23:29

EleanorReally have you had a few drinks love?

Either the op is real and genuinely upset in which case you are a twat for making her feel worse or the op is making it up for a giggle/to print in a paper and you are just the poster they were hoping for. So well done for being a complete twat either way.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 16/06/2019 23:29

Would you really dump someone over this?

Yes. I would have dumped someone for this at 18, when I had self-esteem in the gutter.

HollowTalk · 16/06/2019 23:34

It's not just this (though that's bad enough) it's the way he is with you the rest of the time. He's not the man for you.

I can see why you're hurt and I'm sorry you are, but you need to stay angry. He doesn't even look at you when you're talking to him. He's on his phone during a blow job. He doesn't deserve you.

Laurajjj · 16/06/2019 23:34

What sort of guy doesn't enjoy a bj and sit back and enjoy it

over50andfab · 16/06/2019 23:42

He might not have been taking pics or filming- he might have just been boasting to his mates that his gf was giving him a bj while he was on WhatsApp.

I agree with pp that teeth should have been used. As for what to do, well this bit you wrote was as telling as anything OP:

And recently he has started not looking at me whilst we're talking, glancing at the tv like he's bored and not listening to me.

My ex did that - used to make me feel so small and unimportant. A relationship shouldn’t be like that. We deserve more.

Italiangreyhound · 16/06/2019 23:45

"That's why I may be more pissed off about this than I should have been. I just feel so hurt, and feel like it shows that he doesn't respect me. In all other ways he is a good boyfriend so I just don't know how to take it.

What do you reckon? How would you react?"

I am not sure there is a way you could be more pissed off then you should be!

I would react by not giving any more blow jobs. He sounds like a waste of time. If he cannot even focus on you now, when you are speaking to him!

He sounds very, very immature.

You are worth better than this.

Thanks
Original poster
JudasHisCarrot · 16/06/2019 23:49

Thanks everyone for, your thoughts, I'm more hurt than angry at the moment but that may change.

For anyone who thinks this is a laugh/journo/whatever it's most definitely not. I have been perusing (and very occasionally posting) here for around 6 years.

OP posts: