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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

... to not tell my militantly vegan friend she ate fish sauce?

705 replies

Snuffalo · 16/06/2019 17:45

I am a relaxed vegan, as are one of my kids, the other kid and my partner are mostly vegetarian. Basically what that means for me is that I would never spend my own money on animal products, and I wouldn't use them in my own cooking, but if someone else prepares food for me or I'm a guest in someone's home I'll eat what's put in front of me, for the most part - I won't have a sausage or a burger at your barbecue, but I'll eat the pasta salad even if has cheese in it, and I'll have some of your birthday cake even if it's made with eggs.

Anyway, my friend Alice- who is a militant, rather than a relaxed, vegan

  • was over and I heated up what I confidently thought to be vegan sweet potato and black bean chilli that my partner had made earlier in the week. I know the recipe backwards and forwards because one of us makes it at least once a month with zero animal products so I had no reason to suspect otherwise. I must say it was especially delicious this time - because, as it turns out, my partner added some fish sauce because he'd read somewhere that it's good in chilli. I didn't find out until today and now I'm wondering if I should tell Alice? I can't decide if, in her shoes, I would want to know or not. Would you?
OP posts:
GeorgeTheFirst · 16/06/2019 17:46

I'd keep quiet. No good will come of it. You didn't intend to deceive her.

Lollypop701 · 16/06/2019 17:47

I wouldn’t. There is nothing that she can do to change anything and not worth it

Hithere12 · 16/06/2019 17:47

No. Don’t do it OP. You’ll never hear the end of it.

My Mum has been a vegan for all of two years after eating animal products for over 50 years and would go absolutely mental.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/06/2019 17:48

Don't tell her.

You can't change it.
It wasn't intentional.

Cheeserton · 16/06/2019 17:48

What possible good would come from telling her? I think you probably know there's no benefit to anyone in telling her.

rabbitwoman · 16/06/2019 17:49

Nope. And stop feeling guilty - you didn't know.

Just don't do it again.

Runmoreorless · 16/06/2019 17:50

No, I you can't change it, you didn't do it deliberately, but there's no risk to her health. How would it help anyone if she knew?

I must say, I do like your way of doing veganism Smile

BuffaloCauliflower · 16/06/2019 17:50

No need to tell her, it won’t help her and will just make you feel bad. Chalk it up to experience and get on with your life Smile

Aquamarine1029 · 16/06/2019 17:50

Ffs, don't even think of telling her. You don't need that headache.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 16/06/2019 17:50

Don't tell her - it's the vegan equipment of seeing half a worm in your apple (which of course is doubly bad for a vegan)

Sparklybanana · 16/06/2019 17:51

Nope. Shes not allergic and I can guarantee that she eats something animal everyday whether it's ground up bug in flour or chips that have been fried in beef fat, or vegetarian soup made with chicken stock. Its not like you gave her lamb chop by mistake. I'm a relaxed vegetarian. It'd be too stressful to be militant.

PotteringAlong · 16/06/2019 17:52

Nope. Keep shtum about that one

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 16/06/2019 17:53

I don’t see any point in telling her.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 16/06/2019 17:53

Not unless you hate her! Ignorance is bliss...

Teddybear45 · 16/06/2019 17:54

You really aren’t a vegan. As your friend is you should tell her.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 16/06/2019 17:55

Teddy Why? Seriously, not piss taking or anything. But why would you tell her?

Sootyandsweep2019 · 16/06/2019 17:55

I wouldn't tell her

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 16/06/2019 17:56

No I wouldn’t tell her

BicycleDynamo · 16/06/2019 17:56

No, I wouldn't tell and would brief your DH not to let slip either. Nothing to be gained by it.

What I would do however is to give us the recipe, that sounds tasty!

BogglesGoggles · 16/06/2019 17:56

Definitely don’t tell her.

Oysterbabe · 16/06/2019 17:57

There is absolutely no point in telling her.

LaurieFairyCake · 16/06/2019 17:57

I'm also vegan. Don't tell me.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 16/06/2019 17:58

As your friend is you should tell her.

Why! The OP didn't serve it to her on purpose it was an accident. What possible benefit is their to telling Alice? I can think of about 15 reasons not to tell her but no reason for her knowing other than soothing the OPs conscience, which is ridiculous as she didn't do it on purpose so is not in any way to blame. Alice cannot possibly benefit from knowing this information so why share it with her?

PurpleDaisies · 16/06/2019 17:59

I don’t understand why you are calling yourself a vegan when you’re clearly not.

LimeKiwi · 16/06/2019 17:59

It sounds like a genuine mistake, why would you tell her? What would be the point?
Talk about causing a drama where there's no need to be one!