... to not tell my militantly vegan friend she ate fish sauce?

[Snuffalo]

I am a relaxed vegan, as are one of my kids, the other kid and my partner are mostly vegetarian. Basically what that means for me is that I would never spend my own money on animal products, and I wouldn't use them in my own cooking, but if someone else prepares food for me or I'm a guest in someone's home I'll eat what's put in front of me, for the most part - I won't have a sausage or a burger at your barbecue, but I'll eat the pasta salad even if has cheese in it, and I'll have some of your birthday cake even if it's made with eggs.

Anyway, my friend Alice- who is a militant, rather than a relaxed, vegan

• was over and I heated up what I confidently thought to be vegan sweet potato and black bean chilli that my partner had made earlier in the week. I know the recipe backwards and forwards because one of us makes it at least once a month with zero animal products so I had no reason to suspect otherwise. I must say it was especially delicious this time - because, as it turns out, my partner added some fish sauce because he'd read somewhere that it's good in chilli. I didn't find out until today and now I'm wondering if I should tell Alice? I can't decide if, in her shoes, I would want to know or not. Would you?

Definitely not ! You can't take it back, she can't do anything about having consumed it, so what would be the benefit of telling her ?

Like PP you are not a vegan. This really annoys me!
One can be vegan or not vegan there is no half measure. Grrrrrrrrr!

Also its really obvious to me what people mean when they say they are 'mostly vegetarian' or 'mostly vegan' especialy given this kind of eating is fashionable at the moment so whats the point of the 'you are not vegan' posts? OP has not said she is vegan, she is mostly vegan.

I'm vegan. Don't tell her. It was a genuine accident on your part, it achieves nothing to tell her.

Slightly OT, but if your partner usually makes the chilli for you as well-why would he put fish sauce in it?

Did you not have any this last time-even if not, why wouldn't he tell you that it wasn't suitable for you?

Vegetarians don't eat fish sauce either.

Yeah, I’m a bit perplexed if you’re vegan/veggie why you even have it in the house?

As regards Alice, nah I wouldn’t bother. What would be the point?

But also, I wouldn't say she's military vegan. She's vegan, you are not.

It’s not possible to be “mostly vegan” @LivingDeadGirlUK

It’s fashionable so people use the term without understanding it. Really winds me up.

If you tell her, she has to give up the idea of ever being a proper vegan if the vegan police are right.

That would be cruel.

Op has not said she’s vegan, she is mostly vegan
There’s no such thing as mostly vegan, or a little bit vegan, or vegan on high days and holidays.
It’s like being pregnant. You are; or you’re not.

I don't understand all the angst insisting OP is not a proper vegan. She said herself what her rules are.

If you believe veganism is a good thing, surely it's better that she's following a mostly vegan diet than tucking into steak seven nights a week.

@Windyone not trying to be a dick, honestly don't get this. OP mostly does not eat animal products as part of her meals, how is describing her eating as 'mostly vegan' not correct?

"I don't understand all the angst insisting OP is not a proper vegan."

Maybe because it has resulted in her giving a meal with fish sauce in to her friend who is vegan?

OP is following a plant-based diet. She can describe it how she likes.

I follow a similar diet & ethos, and would describe myself as a flexitarian.

Some vegans don't wear wool or leather either.

@Greyhoundsaregreyt but its the way people choose to eat not a medical condition. I'm honestly none the wiser.

Being vegan is not just about what you’re eating. I suppose she could say “I eat a mostly vegan diet” or “I eat a mostly plant based diet” would be better because if you eat eggs and cheese you are a million miles away from being a vegan.

Why do you want to tell her? What good will it do?

Just leave it, sometimes ignorance is best.

I would say a 'militant vegan' is one who criticises non-vegan food choices. And bangs on about it ad nauseam...

But it didn't diddl. Op thought it was vegan, but it wasn't supposed to have fish sauce in it.

Presumably Alice knows her friend will have a piece of birthday cake and was happy to risk eating in a household that wasn't completely vegan

Teddy That makes perfect sense. Thanks. I was thinking, don't tell her, make better food choices next time, save her the anguish. But I can see that would be removing her choice in the matter!

Most of us can see a huge difference between eating meat every meal and being vegan at home but accepting whatever you are offered elsewhere. Why does moving to a more vegan approach have to be so arrogant and elitist?

Please could you share the recipe here? That sounds delicious!

she has it in the house as her DP and 1 child are not vegetarian all of the time the mostly eat vegan/vegetarian but not always

I suspect that OP and her family like a lot of people who are mostly vegetarian are doing it to cut down dramatically on the amount of meat and or dairy they eat for environmental reasons they are not bothered by the occasional egg sausage honey etc unlike a true vegan / vegetarian that does not want to consume animals products even occasionally

No don't tell her. What's the point? It was an accident.

There is literally no reason to tell her and also you're hardly vegan! Describing your approach to it as relaxed doesn't make it any different.