... to not tell my militantly vegan friend she ate fish sauce?

[Snuffalo]

I am a relaxed vegan, as are one of my kids, the other kid and my partner are mostly vegetarian. Basically what that means for me is that I would never spend my own money on animal products, and I wouldn't use them in my own cooking, but if someone else prepares food for me or I'm a guest in someone's home I'll eat what's put in front of me, for the most part - I won't have a sausage or a burger at your barbecue, but I'll eat the pasta salad even if has cheese in it, and I'll have some of your birthday cake even if it's made with eggs.

Anyway, my friend Alice- who is a militant, rather than a relaxed, vegan

• was over and I heated up what I confidently thought to be vegan sweet potato and black bean chilli that my partner had made earlier in the week. I know the recipe backwards and forwards because one of us makes it at least once a month with zero animal products so I had no reason to suspect otherwise. I must say it was especially delicious this time - because, as it turns out, my partner added some fish sauce because he'd read somewhere that it's good in chilli. I didn't find out until today and now I'm wondering if I should tell Alice? I can't decide if, in her shoes, I would want to know or not. Would you?

This is why restaurants/people end up thinking veggies eat fish etc when people make up the rules for themselves if they fancy it. Just say you try not to eat much meat or dairy

There’s a lovely local cafe in my area who advertise “baked potato and tuna” as their vegetarian option.

I’m not even vegetarian and it irritated me enough to tweet them. They “liked” my tweet but no action taken. 🤷‍♀️

Can’t imagine how frustrating that could be for vegetarians trying to order something.

OP the reason some are getting so angry is because they have nothing special or interesting about themselves so they need this label. They OWN IT! You can’t appropriate it in the slightest.

YABVU for not posting the recipe.

YANBU for not telling her as a one-off.

Tell DH fish sauce is not veggie.

But if you and your family are vegetarian/vegan, why would your dh buy fish sauce at all? Then add it to a dish for his vegetarian family??

Bonkers.

Of course you can be mostly vegan. It’s veing vegan most of the time. Is there a law that you can’t say mostly vegan? Jesus.

Does this make a relaxed teetotal? I only drink twice a week.

And I'm on a relaxed diet because I had salad for lunch every day but a full fat dinner?

And a relaxed nonsmoker because i don't smoke when I'm asleep?

Soz OP, but you've really walked into this one.

You can draw your own moral lines where you want, but getting all het up about what vegan REALLY means is a makes you sound like a child who can't understand shades of grey and the flexibility of language.

I’ve changed my mind, OP. I think you should tell your mate.

Give it to her straight, just as you’ve done on this thread. Then report back here directly.

Does this make a relaxed teetotal? I only drink twice a week. grin

I can relate. I’m a relaxed virgin.

1. you're not a vegan.
2. dont tell her. No point and not your fault you weren't to know.

Does this make a relaxed teetotal? I only drink twice a week. grin

You don't need alcohol to survive. This person avoids animal products in every meal she makes. hardly the same as occasional wine.

Is being a vegan like being a virgin? No return to chastity once lost?

Recipe:

Basic stuff:
2 cans plum tomatoes
2 cans black beans, drained (sometimes I make these from scratch in the pressure cooker)
2 big sweet potatoes
1 big onion
1 big pepper (green is prettiest with the rest of the colours)
Scotch bonnet or other hot peppers to taste
2-3 cloves garlic
Enough vegetable oil to saute the vegetables before adding the canned ingredients + one can of water+ the important stuff below

Important stuff:
-A tablespoon of whole cumin seeds, a couple of cloves, a half-centimetre of a cinnamon stick, crushed red pepper, all toasted in a dry skillet and bashed up in a mortar and pestle
-A half-tablespoon of dark cocoa powder (though I've stopped using this lately until I find a brand that definitely doesn't use child labour)
-Salt and pepper

Cook it all over low/medium heat (and here is the secret) until it just starts to BARELY catch and then scrape stir in all the caramelised bits at the bottom. This makes it really rich and almost smokey. Or, just add some fish sauce.

Top tip for Worcestershire sauce fans who want a vegan/vegetarian alternative: Henderson's Relish!

You shouldn’t tell her as it would be for you benefit (to make you feel better & not guilt) and will upset her when she has no idea and never will.

but getting all het up about what vegan REALLY means is a makes you sound like a child who can't understand shades of grey and the flexibility of language

No it makes us sick of omnivores parading their street cred by calling themselves vegans/vegetarians when they are not. Your family are omnivores who may or may not eat less meat than others.

If you eat meat and fish when its convenient, not only are you being dishonest about what you eat but you make life more difficult for those who are genuinely vegan/vegetarian by confusing other omnivores. Nothing wrong with telling a host you prefer vegan if its available but don't claim it and then eat meat or fish.

Just recently there was a 1000 post thread on exactly how meat eaters are just soooo confused about meatless diets, and how unreasonable of the vegetarian (who had advised host of dietary restrictions) not to eat the meal including meat products. Frequently cited were "vegans" of acquaintance who eat animal products when its convenient.

Don’t tell your friend OP. There seems little point. Just please be more careful in future.

You are not a vegan by definition but eating more vegetarian and plant based meals is a great thing to be doing, for health, the animals and the environment. I am now vegan. I was vegetarian for 20 years before that. I described myself as vegetarian at the time because that is what I was even though latterly I cut down dairy massively. I was vegetarian still, not a relaxed vegan who sometimes ate dairy.

Please don’t call yourself a vegan when you aren’t as people get confused enough about what it means. If you are a vegan who will eat whatever they fancy on occasion, that becomes expected of all vegans who when they won’t have a bit of cheese or butter and don’t want their food touching meat are called ‘militant’ when really they are just vegan.

I have vegan tendencies. (I have been fully intentionally vegan for 2 x 5 years, back when it wasn't fashionable) I still try whenever possible not to eat animal products. I am not a vegan and don't call myself one.

If I were your friend, in my full-blown vegan phases, I would not have wanted to know. You didn't trick her or do it on purpose. No need to upset her.

Saying you are a "relaxed vegan" makes you sound both sanctimonious and hypocritical. My lovely friend at University was "vegetarian", except when she was abroad, or pissed. It's the same. It also created the problem you have now, where your friend thought she was safe to assume the food you offered would be sfv. Why not just say you're aiming not to eat animal products?

I've always wanted to tell me extremely strict vegetarian aunty that Worcester sauce is made with fish. Cant bring myself to do it though.

Well you're lovely aren't you?

Check what brand it is. before you burst with smugness - some of them are vegetarian or vegan.

Thanks OP. when do you add in the fish sauce sorry?

Thanks Snuffalo! Sounds yummy!

Nothing wrong with saying 'relaxed vegan'. As a carnivore, I totally get that OP has principles that she maintains at home and does not spend money on animal products, but that she is still happy to enjoy a bit of cake or pasta salad with a friend. It makes her human, not a hypocrite.

My husband is half Thai and even vegetarian Buddhist monks in Thailand will have fish sauce. That’s his excuse for having it in our otherwise fish-free house, anyway.

Ffs you all knew what the OP meant.

No good will come of telling her, OP! You didn’t do it on purpose.

If it was a genuine one time error say nothing. No good can come from telling her. But be super careful in future.

Thank you, will try making that

Genuine question...if being a strict vegan means not exploiting animals in anyway, how does keeping a dog as a pet fit that ethos?

Just curious as one of the most staunch vegans I know has a houseful of pets.