Was IBU leaving meal?

[CharDee]

We went for a meal earlier for Father's Day/DH's Birthday/friends birthday. We arranged this a couple of weeks ago and it slipped our mind it was Father's Day but everyone was happy to go along with it still.

There was 8 of us all there plus DS and friends children. Our friends -"Anna" and "Jack" had their two older children and a newborn. All our other friends who were there don't have children but one couple is expecting their first baby.

I had a miscarriage not long ago and DH and I have decided that we are not going to have any more children. DH always wanted more and coming to this decision was hard for him especially.

Our friends are aware of the miscarriages that I've had and we've said that we don't want any more children. The main reason is that I can't go through another miscarriage but also DS was born with a rare condition that a new baby may have too.

At lunch Jack asked DH what DS has got him for Father's Day. I had spent quite a lot of money, I think maybe a bit out of guilt, and got him a new games console and games. Anna said she felt guilty because she only got Jack something small. Jack laughed then said "Well you've given me three children. I bet CharDee got DH that because she's never going to give him anymore babies." Nobody else laughed and one of our friends just said "That's a bit rude don't you think Jack? I think you should apologise."

Jack laughed it off and said "I didn't mean anything by it but Anna shouldn't have to feel bad about presents just because CharDee feels bad about not being able to have kids. I'm not overstepping here but we know she didn't want anymore anyway."

I just felt like shit and couldn't even bring myself to say anything. I just stood up and walked out. I got in the car and drove home. We only live a five minute drive away so when I got home I just text DH to apologise and asked him to either walk with DS or call when he's ready to leave. Not ten minutes later DH was home with DS and the other friends (with the exception of Anna and Jack) and suggested we order a takeaway instead and stay at home.

Jack has since sent me a message basically saying he uses humour in awkward situations and that he's sorry I didn't find it funny but thinks everyone leaving was an overreaction and asked if I could explain this to everyone that it's nothing to be offended over. I haven't replied because I honestly can't put in to words how I feel but now I'm slightly worried that I over reacted.

Was I wrong to leave the meal and then was it wrong for DH to leave and bring everyone home? Apparently DH said he was leaving and his friend (who is the one who asked Jack to apologise) suggested Jack and Anna stay and everyone else come to see me. I'm worried that I made the afternoon all about me when all I tried to do was not get in a ridiculous argument and cause a scene!

I can't believe Anna sent eyeroll and crying laugh emoji in her message to your friend. She's a bitch.

Your friend's response? Spot on.

That’s horrific, totally fee your pain and don’t for a second judge you walking out xxx

I am glad your friend replied saying that doesn't work for her!! You have great friends.

You don't need those idiots jack and Anna xx

Hi what an arsehole! You 100% did the right thing. So did everyone that left.

Wow, agree with everyone else that was unspeakably rude and insensitive. She sounds just as bad as he is. Ditch them both!

Love how your DH and friends rallied round and supported you, hope you've all enjoyed the day despite the twattish behaviour from those two!

I tried to give Anna the benefit if the doubt but I take it all back! What an idiot!
Do you think she just doesn't understand? Is she usually very dim? Or just really self obsessed and can't see any wrongdoing when it's from her side.

They are two smug shits.

Who asks what a child got you for FD.

Then when your present usurped theirs, rather than be a grown up and say "how lovely" he reached for the one thing he feels superior about, regardless of how hurtful it is. Like a fucking ignoramus.

And then wants you to 'get over it'.

Real pair of charmers.

Man I was prepared to give Anna the benefit of the doubt here until the comment about the termination and the text message. What a pair of cunts they are.

OP it sounds like you have a fab DH and group of friends, you don't need the wankers.

Another one cheering on your dh and other friends, and saying DO NOT REPLY! Just leave him hanging.

Jack is an arse.

Your DH and other friends are amazing.

You are also amazing for simply leaving and not pouring a drink over Jack's head. Don't give him another thought.

'Jack’ is a nob.

This ^^^^^

If he likes to use humour in awkward situations, maybe he needs to go to a comedy class or something. What he said wasn't funny by any stretch of the imagination.

You handled it really well - both Jack and Anna are awful people and it's clear you're friends can see that too!

Don't reply to his message - he isn't even sorry, he's sorry you were upset, placing all the blame on you, not actually apologising for what he said. And clearly Anna is very well suited to him based on her message to your friend.... don't bother meeting her later in the week. Just cut them out breezily - they bring you nothing positive and your friends are aghast, which tells you everything. Sadly, Jack and Anna may only scramble to offer a more 'heartfelt' apology in the near future as they're more worried about being cut from the group than actually being mortified over what they said....

Oh no what a vile and nasty man - bravo to you, your hubby and friends
Jack was also having a pop at his wife too I bet, trying to make her feel bad at her small gift
Defo dump him from your life - you dont want poison like that around you
{{{ hugs }}}

On the plus side, this is that rare thread where the OP does not have a DH problem! And every single reply has been the same - YANBU!

Just to add to the thread, given Anna's latest text I think she'll assume you're still meeting up this week as it was just a daft misunderstanding at the meal today. It clearly wasn't and I'd pretty much ignore Anna and Jack from this day onwards.

Wow, Jack was vile and inconsiderate. And he just kept pushing it!

To be honest, reading your OP about how the conversation went I’m a bit baffled how Jack turned the topic of presents into the topic of your miscarriage/‘infertility’. Like where is the correlation, it’s not really the natural flow of conversation is it? This tells me that your miscarriage/infertility is a conversation that Jack and Anna have had before amongst themselves, they probably clearly made similar vile comments to each other hence why he felt so comfortable bringing it up to your face today. Anna isn’t innocent.

I wouldn’t see Anna at your next arranged outing at all, in fact can you arrange something with your actual friends instead?

He is one of DH's oldest friends and I feel bad for DH. I don't expect him to cut Jack out but definitely wouldn't want him to come over to ours for a get together or to watch football.

Don't feel bad for DH. He's the one telling you to text Jack and tell him to fuck off. And that's because he has your back and he feels bad about what Jack said to you. It sounds like DH doesn't want him as a friend any more, a decision he's come to entirely on his own.

Also Anna bringing up your past termination after you have suffered from miscarriage is tactless and nasty. She wanted to make you feel awful by bringing that up, it’s not a harmless question out of curiosity at all, in fact sounds quite judgemental

As for Anna's 🙄 and 😂, followed by comments about the food. Not sure who's the bigger idiot.

Do not dignify his text with a reply.

On top of everything else 'Jack' is absolutely pathetic with the passive aggressive 'I'm sorry YOU didn't find it funny'. Like you're the problem. What a big man. I imagine 'Anna' is so proud to be married to a knob like him.

Both of them have shown their true, smug, personalities. You can do without that sort of friend dragging you down. Stick to the ones who support you. And good on them and DH for their behaviour. We could all learn a lesson from them.

I wouldn't respond. Ever. To either of them. I wouldn't go to the soft play with her. You know who your true friends are. I can't get over the insensitivity of the pair of them. No words really.

Oh op ..poor you ...no you didn’t make it all about you at all x

They’re both horrible people
You don’t need them in your life.

she asked me if I felt guilty about that after I had one of my miscarriages and said she would torture herself thinking it was like a punishment for getting rid of one baby
Jesus what a charmer! I'd ditch that couple

Jesus! What a pair of twats!

I wouldn’t reply or engage with either Jack or Anna at all. Your husband can deal with Jack, if he is one of his oldest friends. And your other friends can handle themselves and how they feel about Anna and Jack . Just avoid, avoid, avoid any more contact with them. Awful people. Your silence will speak volumes. It sounds like they have completely ostracised themselves anyway.

Bloody hell! Drop them! Don’t reply to jack. Wtf was that message? ‘I behaved like a cunt for no reason so please now by my PA and tell everyone I’m not a cunt’ wtf?