Was IBU leaving meal?

[CharDee]

We went for a meal earlier for Father's Day/DH's Birthday/friends birthday. We arranged this a couple of weeks ago and it slipped our mind it was Father's Day but everyone was happy to go along with it still.

There was 8 of us all there plus DS and friends children. Our friends -"Anna" and "Jack" had their two older children and a newborn. All our other friends who were there don't have children but one couple is expecting their first baby.

I had a miscarriage not long ago and DH and I have decided that we are not going to have any more children. DH always wanted more and coming to this decision was hard for him especially.

Our friends are aware of the miscarriages that I've had and we've said that we don't want any more children. The main reason is that I can't go through another miscarriage but also DS was born with a rare condition that a new baby may have too.

At lunch Jack asked DH what DS has got him for Father's Day. I had spent quite a lot of money, I think maybe a bit out of guilt, and got him a new games console and games. Anna said she felt guilty because she only got Jack something small. Jack laughed then said "Well you've given me three children. I bet CharDee got DH that because she's never going to give him anymore babies." Nobody else laughed and one of our friends just said "That's a bit rude don't you think Jack? I think you should apologise."

Jack laughed it off and said "I didn't mean anything by it but Anna shouldn't have to feel bad about presents just because CharDee feels bad about not being able to have kids. I'm not overstepping here but we know she didn't want anymore anyway."

I just felt like shit and couldn't even bring myself to say anything. I just stood up and walked out. I got in the car and drove home. We only live a five minute drive away so when I got home I just text DH to apologise and asked him to either walk with DS or call when he's ready to leave. Not ten minutes later DH was home with DS and the other friends (with the exception of Anna and Jack) and suggested we order a takeaway instead and stay at home.

Jack has since sent me a message basically saying he uses humour in awkward situations and that he's sorry I didn't find it funny but thinks everyone leaving was an overreaction and asked if I could explain this to everyone that it's nothing to be offended over. I haven't replied because I honestly can't put in to words how I feel but now I'm slightly worried that I over reacted.

Was I wrong to leave the meal and then was it wrong for DH to leave and bring everyone home? Apparently DH said he was leaving and his friend (who is the one who asked Jack to apologise) suggested Jack and Anna stay and everyone else come to see me. I'm worried that I made the afternoon all about me when all I tried to do was not get in a ridiculous argument and cause a scene!

No response is the best response in this situation. Your DH and friends actions have made it clearer to Jack that he was out of order than any words could do.

Well done you for leaving, a dignified and appropriate response.

She has a brass neck.

Well, he’s a prized cunt isn’t he?

I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through, but they don’t sound like much of a loss tbh

I'm so glad you have a lovely husband and friends. Jack sounds terrible. You did nothing wrong at all, I wouldn't have been as dignified as you have been. Hope you enjoy the rest of your day with your family and real friends xxx

is she on glue as well as Jack?

@BentBaastard he has already told me him walking out was just for sexual brownie points! 😂😂😂 (he was joking just in case anyone gets the wrong idea about how amazing he is!)

So no reference to Jack the Twat or how upset you were? Screams volumes!!

Bloody hell, Jack was a total arsehole and kept fucking going - Anna
Should have pulled him up on that

What's your friend going to say to Anna's message?

Fucking hell. So 'Anna' is now trying to laugh it off as well? Cut them both out of your life and don't look back. What a pair of insensitive arseholes!

He said something really offensive. You gave him a chance to recant or at least apologize, but instead he doubled-down on his comment. You and your DH reacted appropriately.

Omg
She’s desperately trying to keep her friends. I mean it’s up to them. But I would say out loud to everyone. You’re not going to have them in your life anymore. Then it’s up to them if they want to join you. I hope they would.
She literally gives zero fucks. I wouldn’t be surprised if she tries to up the anti now. Inviting people over. Organising things etc

So no acknowledgement from Anna of her DH's rudeness, just flippant and laughing emojis? Twat!

She has replied

No, that doesn't work for me.

Good old Mumsnet!

Jack was an absolute bastard but even from the first post, Anna's a bit of a twat isn't she?

"Anna said she felt guilty because she only got Jack something small."

What a pathetic response.

I'm sure no one could have forseen how Jack would "defend" her, but how bloody ridiculous she sounds.

I wouldn't be interested in seeing either of them again tbh.

She's a cunt just as much as him. I'd shove that smiley laughing face up her arse!

Wow! Fuck both of them off, definitely. I think her text is worse in a way- there's something about the 😂 that makes it very mean.

Your dh has a backbone and a sense of humour, definitely a keeper!

Jeez Anna has zero self awareness, also does sound to me like she sees nothing wrong with what her delightful husband said to you.

Friend is obviously one of us! Anna and Jack the prat are best off in their own company, arseholes!

Yes, YWBU, but only for not giving this raging thunder-cunt a massive slap right across his smug, unpleasant, complacent, insensitive, rude, self-satisfied fizzog before you left. Merely walking out was incredibly dignified in the circumstances, and a lot more temperate than I might have been in the same situation.

More seriously OP I've also had a succession of miscarriages (sympathy and hugs on that score if you'd like them, BTW - it's an awful, awful experience) and we were only able to have the one child. We decided, mutually, to stop the IVF rollercoaster because neither of us could hack it anymore emotionally, and it was taking a physical toll on me. But it was the hardest imaginable decision, feeling almost like a form of bereavement in itself.

This was three years ago now, and to a degree I've made peace with that decision but it still hurts. And if anyone said to me what 'Jack' said to you, I don't think I could be held responsible for what I did.

That was bad - the message he later sent to you leaves me speechless. What kind of 'normal' person could ever think that was OK? I wouldn't be seeing this man again.

I'm sorry you were so hurt, OP xxxxxxx

Bravo friend

Tin of Brasso, send it to Anna, "with my best regards and please apply 3 times a day to your neck".

Well, I WAS going to say wait and see what Anna's reaction is before binning her off as she might have been too mortified and shocked to say something at the time. But then I read your update and it's clear she's as bad as him. Who the fuck uses an eye-rolling and crying-with-laughter emoji in this situation? She clearly hopes that you're all going to meet up next weekend as if nothing's happened.

And as for Jack, he's an arsewipe of the highest order. To go by the behaviour he thinks is acceptable I'm surprised he didn't pass it off as "banter".

Sounds like they're both worried about losing friends over this...so let them. And before blocking them for good, I'd send them a link to this thread.

"I can't explain to everyone how it's nothing to be offended over because I found it very offensive."

With an optional "Don't text me again."