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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was IBU leaving meal?

645 replies

CharDee · 16/06/2019 15:51

We went for a meal earlier for Father's Day/DH's Birthday/friends birthday. We arranged this a couple of weeks ago and it slipped our mind it was Father's Day but everyone was happy to go along with it still.

There was 8 of us all there plus DS and friends children. Our friends -"Anna" and "Jack" had their two older children and a newborn. All our other friends who were there don't have children but one couple is expecting their first baby.

I had a miscarriage not long ago and DH and I have decided that we are not going to have any more children. DH always wanted more and coming to this decision was hard for him especially.

Our friends are aware of the miscarriages that I've had and we've said that we don't want any more children. The main reason is that I can't go through another miscarriage but also DS was born with a rare condition that a new baby may have too.

At lunch Jack asked DH what DS has got him for Father's Day. I had spent quite a lot of money, I think maybe a bit out of guilt, and got him a new games console and games. Anna said she felt guilty because she only got Jack something small. Jack laughed then said "Well you've given me three children. I bet CharDee got DH that because she's never going to give him anymore babies." Nobody else laughed and one of our friends just said "That's a bit rude don't you think Jack? I think you should apologise."

Jack laughed it off and said "I didn't mean anything by it but Anna shouldn't have to feel bad about presents just because CharDee feels bad about not being able to have kids. I'm not overstepping here but we know she didn't want anymore anyway."

I just felt like shit and couldn't even bring myself to say anything. I just stood up and walked out. I got in the car and drove home. We only live a five minute drive away so when I got home I just text DH to apologise and asked him to either walk with DS or call when he's ready to leave. Not ten minutes later DH was home with DS and the other friends (with the exception of Anna and Jack) and suggested we order a takeaway instead and stay at home.

Jack has since sent me a message basically saying he uses humour in awkward situations and that he's sorry I didn't find it funny but thinks everyone leaving was an overreaction and asked if I could explain this to everyone that it's nothing to be offended over. I haven't replied because I honestly can't put in to words how I feel but now I'm slightly worried that I over reacted.

Was I wrong to leave the meal and then was it wrong for DH to leave and bring everyone home? Apparently DH said he was leaving and his friend (who is the one who asked Jack to apologise) suggested Jack and Anna stay and everyone else come to see me. I'm worried that I made the afternoon all about me when all I tried to do was not get in a ridiculous argument and cause a scene!

OP posts:
BlingLoving · 17/06/2019 10:53

Op, just read the entire thread and just want to say that you have amazing friends. I got into an argument with a woman at a general get together a few weeks ago. Separately, pretty much every single person came up to me to tell me that I was right and the other woman behaved appallingly, but not one person actually said a word at the time. I envy your friends' solidarity.

DaisiesAreOurSilver · 17/06/2019 11:01

Good reply, OP. Their loss.

ElspethFlashman · 17/06/2019 11:02

.

Homebird8 · 17/06/2019 11:03

Anna is definitely not on MN. If she were then she would have asked us how to word that text. And that would NOT have been how she would have been advised to do it.

So glad you have some lovely friends who care about you OP. No loss to no longer spend time with such a mean pair.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 17/06/2019 11:04

Marie, "Curiously reluctant to let go?" Hmm I've made two brief comments, each of which probably took considerably less time to post than yours did.
And I think you're being naive, fwiw.

LadyMinerva · 17/06/2019 11:09

Just when I thought the human race couldn't surprise me anymore along come Jack and Anna. As pp's have said, what a pair of cunts.

Your dignity and your DH's support has been nothing short of inspiring. And your real friends are kick ass.

I'm sorry you have had to go through all of this.

gingerpaleandproud · 17/06/2019 11:11

Well done, OP, you're well rid.

Oohgossip · 17/06/2019 11:14

.

Drum2018 · 17/06/2019 11:17

Great response. Lets hope that's the end of it, though no doubt Jack wil attempt to contact your Dh soon, pretending as though nothing happened.

IvanaPee · 17/06/2019 11:45

Great response.

But I would just delete and block all forms of communication now because if she responds with something infuriating, it’ll be too hard to resist getting into a tit for tat with her, and she doesn’t deserve that much attention.

Block, block, block!

CharDee · 17/06/2019 11:57

DS was fine, thanks to those who asked. That's one of the reasons why I just got up and walked away so that it didn't seem like there was anything to worry about. He loves our friends so he wasn't even sitting next to me or DH at the time, probably didn't even notice anything had happened. I think when they got up he was told it was time to go home and we were getting someone to bring food to the house and he was quite happy about that. And excited to drive home in friends blue car, ours is black and he has said he much prefers the blue one!

He had much more fun at home than he would have done there. He was able to run around, play with his toys and we even let him ride his bike inside which he was especially excited about! Then he had hold of one of DH's old games pad things and thought he was joining in when they were playing a game on the new computer Grin

Texting friend is not in a couple with friend who spoke up but pregnant cocktail making friend is married to speaking up friend.

I'm not sure if Anna or Jack has contacted any other friends but a new group chat has been made this morning (without them) full of hilarious gifs that has had me laughing all morning!

OP posts:
BettysLeftTentacle · 17/06/2019 12:01

Stay classy OP. You’re well rid!

diaduittoyou · 17/06/2019 12:11

Jack and Anna are complete and utter, vile twats. OP - you, your DH and other friends sound amazing. As someone who's also having to come to terms with DS being an only child (not through choice), I empathise with your situation and am furious with those fuckers on your behalf x

ByeClaire · 17/06/2019 12:27

Good to hear your DS was fine @CharDee

How about Jack and Anna’s children, did they overhear or get upset at the only other child suddenly leaving?

ThanosSavedMe · 17/06/2019 12:28

Great response. Leaves her in no doubt of how you feel.

justilou1 · 17/06/2019 12:33

Anna and Jack gifs.... my mind boggles! So glad you are laughing AT them, OP!

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 17/06/2019 12:38

OP I'm truly sorry you've been through this, but well done on you and your friends for standing up to them. Twats.

AuntMarch · 17/06/2019 12:58

Wow, only read OP posts and skimmed some of the replies in between as thread is so long but..What a delightful pair they are!

I'm sorry you've found yourself in that situation, and I'm sorry you realised some so called friends are actually dreadful people. His message to you made left me gobsmacked, and then hers... Shock

It's definitely shown that you have some very good friends in the others though.

Please let us know if Jack does contact DH - I'd really hope he's realising by now how much he ballsed up!

Drum2018 · 17/06/2019 13:03

How about Jack and Anna’s children, did they overhear or get upset at the only other child suddenly leaving

Who bloody well cares? I doubt any of those who left with ops Dh and child would have stopped long enough to look and see if jack and Anna's kids may have been upset. If they were upset then jack and Anna were the only ones to blame.

Bearbehind · 17/06/2019 13:25

How about Jack and Anna’s children, did they overhear or get upset at the only other child suddenly leaving

This is getting a bit grisly isn’t it 🤔

ByeClaire · 17/06/2019 13:27

Who bloody well cares? I doubt any of those who left with ops Dh and child would have stopped long enough to look and see if jack and Anna's kids may have been upset. If they were upset then jack and Anna were the only ones to blame.

Rude.
Hardly wrong to wonder in passing concern whether children, who the OP specifically mentioned as being at the lunch, seemed upset by the incident. These are real flesh and blood children after all.

AlexaAmbidextra · 17/06/2019 13:39

Hardly wrong to wonder in passing concern whether children, who the OP specifically mentioned as being at the lunch, seemed upset by the incident. These are real flesh and blood children after all.

So how will it help you to know whether they were upset or not? What could you do if they were?

LL83 · 17/06/2019 13:47

Jack and Anna's children MIGHT have noticed/been upset.
If they weren't upset great, if they were upset what does highlighting that to OP achieve? She can't manage/control/help how Jack's children feel.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 17/06/2019 13:51

A thoroughly classy response, CharDee - great judgement, too, in not letting them occupy any more head space than you can help

The new group for chat was wise too, though doubtless they'll still try to contact others about "this silly misunderstanding". Luckily, I'm sure they'll give up in time and move on to people they have more in common with, leaving you with the knowledge that you have a thoroughly good group of folk around you

Well done all round!! Flowers

IvanaPee · 17/06/2019 13:52

It’s hardly relevant...

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