Was IBU leaving meal?

[CharDee]

We went for a meal earlier for Father's Day/DH's Birthday/friends birthday. We arranged this a couple of weeks ago and it slipped our mind it was Father's Day but everyone was happy to go along with it still.

There was 8 of us all there plus DS and friends children. Our friends -"Anna" and "Jack" had their two older children and a newborn. All our other friends who were there don't have children but one couple is expecting their first baby.

I had a miscarriage not long ago and DH and I have decided that we are not going to have any more children. DH always wanted more and coming to this decision was hard for him especially.

Our friends are aware of the miscarriages that I've had and we've said that we don't want any more children. The main reason is that I can't go through another miscarriage but also DS was born with a rare condition that a new baby may have too.

At lunch Jack asked DH what DS has got him for Father's Day. I had spent quite a lot of money, I think maybe a bit out of guilt, and got him a new games console and games. Anna said she felt guilty because she only got Jack something small. Jack laughed then said "Well you've given me three children. I bet CharDee got DH that because she's never going to give him anymore babies." Nobody else laughed and one of our friends just said "That's a bit rude don't you think Jack? I think you should apologise."

Jack laughed it off and said "I didn't mean anything by it but Anna shouldn't have to feel bad about presents just because CharDee feels bad about not being able to have kids. I'm not overstepping here but we know she didn't want anymore anyway."

I just felt like shit and couldn't even bring myself to say anything. I just stood up and walked out. I got in the car and drove home. We only live a five minute drive away so when I got home I just text DH to apologise and asked him to either walk with DS or call when he's ready to leave. Not ten minutes later DH was home with DS and the other friends (with the exception of Anna and Jack) and suggested we order a takeaway instead and stay at home.

Jack has since sent me a message basically saying he uses humour in awkward situations and that he's sorry I didn't find it funny but thinks everyone leaving was an overreaction and asked if I could explain this to everyone that it's nothing to be offended over. I haven't replied because I honestly can't put in to words how I feel but now I'm slightly worried that I over reacted.

Was I wrong to leave the meal and then was it wrong for DH to leave and bring everyone home? Apparently DH said he was leaving and his friend (who is the one who asked Jack to apologise) suggested Jack and Anna stay and everyone else come to see me. I'm worried that I made the afternoon all about me when all I tried to do was not get in a ridiculous argument and cause a scene!

Anna should have messaged you straight away to check you were OK. Instead, she's messaged your friend and tried to cut you out. Not nice.

On the plus side, your husband and other friends sound fab!

I will be shocked if any of your friends ever have anything to do with Jack and Anna again. They have witnessed just how vile Jack truly is. Who could ever forgive such horrific behaviour?

The support you have received is deserved and spot on.

Wow! That message from anna talk about lack of self awareness or awareness of just how appalling her dh behaved!

"he has already told me him walking out was just for sexual brownie points!" 😂😂he sounds an absolute bloody star!

Text friend sounds fab too! Way to go her!!

Jacks a cunt and Anna's a divisive bitch! She's basically said to text friend "but you and I can still be friends cos you're not an over reactor like op" and text friend has rightly called her on such a shitty attempt to separate your friendship!

Glad you're starting to feel a little better.

Fuck em! These are horrific people of no friend to anyone.

Also, I realise this is perhaps just me but if I saw my friend coming out of a hospital in tears, accompanied by her husband, and knowing she was pregnant, I certainly wouldn't be striding over to ask them if they'd had a miscarriage. I've had three miscarriages so I accept I'm a bit sensitive perhaps, but this again seems like a total dick move.

It's possibly easier now to see red flags everywhere but it sounds to me like they've both been wankers for a very long time and you've not seen it or excused it because of your friendship. But wow, OP. They're a pair of Grade A cuntknockers.

I think you’ve handled it with class; and your DH and friends sound brilliant.

Plus: takeaways and cocktails at home? Always a win x

@CharDee they used that info at the hospital against you. @BishopofBathandWells is right. If I saw you in that scenario, there’s no way in hell I would directly ask if you’d had a miscarriage. It feels like they were searching for gossip and were being grief vultures. They wanted to be the ones to spread the infirmation and feel so important about being “close” to you in your time of need. It’s a weird kind of condescending pity.

Op following your last message whilst i believe no one can truly understand miscarriage and infertility (I know I didn't fully get it until I experienced) . You'd have to be a completely heartless arsehole to have made the comments jack made today after seeing you at the hospital. Sorry for your losses it is shit. What he did frankly is unforgivable. His non apology just compounds things further.

Only thing I would say is just be careful re friends once the dust settles. They may just want to revert back to the friendship group eventually once the dust settles so make sure you're not the one that ends up being ostracised when you've done nothing wrong and he is the dick.

I’m so glad that your dh and other friends are so supportive and disgusted at jack and Anna, you definitely did not over react

You behaved admirably.

He can sort his own fucking mess out.

I never post this much but honestly I am so appalled by the behaviour of this couple. I read out your original post to DH and he was genuinely disgusted and said something like "I can't believe there are actually people like that".

She is either insanely stupid (in which case I have no idea how she has made it this far in her adult life without actually perishing from her own stupidity) or she is purposely trying to hurt you with that behaviour, which I think is the case, as I can't understand why else she would act like that and can't believe she is that stupid. I'm only 30 and don't profess to be some kind of life guru but one thing I do know is that hurt people, hurt people. How messed up must they be to KNOW all of that and still say what he said and act like she acted knowing how it would make you feel (which I'm sorry but they did). Only people who are seriously fcked up intentionally hurt other human beings and target their weak spots.

It's the equivalent of a someone going up to a disabled person and saying something like "oh what a shame you have to use that wheelchair, it must be annoying that you can't walk with your own legs like I can, maybe that's why you spend more on presents". I mean... WTF?!?? That situation when read out would be shocking to anyone but that's no different to what they did to you.

Awful awful people, good riddance!! So glad your DH and friends are so great! Xx

What a pair of pricks

💐 sorry for your losses.
😲 at your OP, but it sounds like your lovely friends and DH have turned something unbelievably horrible from Jack and Anna into you removing shit from your life and being able to appreciate the good people around you.
I doubt your DH will go to the football with Jack (as long as other people live and breathe) and hope things with your friendship group continue to go well.
Your text mate and friend who said something in the restaurant are gold! Xx

I also hope you feel better with the responses from MumsNet. Xx

Jack sounds like an utter twat. What a dignified way of handling it OP. Good on you and what a lovely dh and friends you have. I'd be tempted to text Jack that I'm still upset and will not be his messenger. He's a grade A arsehole.

Truly awful.

Is jack generally know. For his strange ‘awkward humour. He claims to have ?

Hope you enjoyed the cocktails. You deserved them x x.

P.s. your friend is awesome for making you cocktails, nothing like good friends and a good cocktail :) hope you enjoyed and take tomorrow off to give yourself a break from all that cr*p 😘 x

Jack is a smug cunt. I've met one like him. Three kids he had then Called me "baron" as a joke whilst I was going through fertility treatment.

Anne. Can't work out if she's a cunt too or just embarrassed but Jack.

Sorry? She’s had 3 baby showers? How grabby is that?

This 'Couple' are pure and utter fucking POISON you are well rid OP

Wow, at least you've seen their true colours now and have friends that have your back.

Do you know what the most important thing to take away from this is? You have the most amazing husband and friends EVER. So many people in that situation would’ve kept their heads down and not got involved to avoid conflict, fuck Jack- no wonder he got a shit Father’s Day present.

It’s not often I’m shocked by anyone but Jesus wept Jack is a bellend of unparalleled proportions.
There was no awkward situation, there was no need for him to say that, he’s vile, cut him and his spineless wife off.

Bloody hell. Just read Anna's message. I'd text her with a 'Fuck off you insensitive bitch " and block them both. I have never felt so angry about a post on here. Love to you and your gorgeous true friends and dh.

Of all the threads I've read on here OP, I think Jack and Anna are the two biggest fuckers I've read about.
X