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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was IBU leaving meal?

645 replies

CharDee · 16/06/2019 15:51

We went for a meal earlier for Father's Day/DH's Birthday/friends birthday. We arranged this a couple of weeks ago and it slipped our mind it was Father's Day but everyone was happy to go along with it still.

There was 8 of us all there plus DS and friends children. Our friends -"Anna" and "Jack" had their two older children and a newborn. All our other friends who were there don't have children but one couple is expecting their first baby.

I had a miscarriage not long ago and DH and I have decided that we are not going to have any more children. DH always wanted more and coming to this decision was hard for him especially.

Our friends are aware of the miscarriages that I've had and we've said that we don't want any more children. The main reason is that I can't go through another miscarriage but also DS was born with a rare condition that a new baby may have too.

At lunch Jack asked DH what DS has got him for Father's Day. I had spent quite a lot of money, I think maybe a bit out of guilt, and got him a new games console and games. Anna said she felt guilty because she only got Jack something small. Jack laughed then said "Well you've given me three children. I bet CharDee got DH that because she's never going to give him anymore babies." Nobody else laughed and one of our friends just said "That's a bit rude don't you think Jack? I think you should apologise."

Jack laughed it off and said "I didn't mean anything by it but Anna shouldn't have to feel bad about presents just because CharDee feels bad about not being able to have kids. I'm not overstepping here but we know she didn't want anymore anyway."

I just felt like shit and couldn't even bring myself to say anything. I just stood up and walked out. I got in the car and drove home. We only live a five minute drive away so when I got home I just text DH to apologise and asked him to either walk with DS or call when he's ready to leave. Not ten minutes later DH was home with DS and the other friends (with the exception of Anna and Jack) and suggested we order a takeaway instead and stay at home.

Jack has since sent me a message basically saying he uses humour in awkward situations and that he's sorry I didn't find it funny but thinks everyone leaving was an overreaction and asked if I could explain this to everyone that it's nothing to be offended over. I haven't replied because I honestly can't put in to words how I feel but now I'm slightly worried that I over reacted.

Was I wrong to leave the meal and then was it wrong for DH to leave and bring everyone home? Apparently DH said he was leaving and his friend (who is the one who asked Jack to apologise) suggested Jack and Anna stay and everyone else come to see me. I'm worried that I made the afternoon all about me when all I tried to do was not get in a ridiculous argument and cause a scene!

OP posts:
Banhaha · 16/06/2019 18:20

Just read the updates. Seems Anna is well suited to Jack. The pair of them are disgusting.

GertrudeCB · 16/06/2019 18:23

Pair of counts.
You have a fab DH and friends.

AlexaAmbidextra · 16/06/2019 18:24

She doesn't have Mumsnet because she's said in the past she wouldn't use it so almost certain she won't see this thread.

More’s the pity. I would like to think that they would see that so many people think the’re a pair of well-suited cunts.

Goodideaatthetime007 · 16/06/2019 18:25

WMPAGL is absolutely right. Recently I made an off the cuff remark that I intended to be funny and it deeply hurt a friend’s feelings. As soon as I realised (after about 20 seconds) I couldn’t apologise enough. Luckily other friends present could see that I was sincere and backed me up and she understood and forgave me but it was touch and go for quite a few minutes.

The fact that he didn’t retract instantly and all your friends are with you is a sure sign that YANBU and you are well rid of the pair of them.

itswinetime · 16/06/2019 18:26

She may not have mumsnet but this thread will almost defo make the papers so they will know what everyone thinks I'm sure.

Serin · 16/06/2019 18:26

Oh my God. I am so sorry that you experienced this.
Cake

CharDee · 16/06/2019 18:26

Sorry yes Jack asked DH if he wanted to play football one night this week a couple of days ago.

Thank you all again for all the lovely comments. Thanks to your replies and my friends I feel much better!

OP posts:
Thatsnotmyname4291 · 16/06/2019 18:27

What a prick. I can’t believe he then messaged you and ASKED YOU TO EXPLAIN / WORM HIS WAY OUT to the friends who’d stood up for you.

I hope he gets terrible terrible diarrhoea. For a very long time.

Luaa · 16/06/2019 18:29

At least you know your other friends are great!

Sewrainbow · 16/06/2019 18:29

Yanbu, sounds like dh and your other friends are looking out for you, don't reply to Jack or Anna. Maintain dignified silence, they aren't with interacting with...

PepsiLola · 16/06/2019 18:31

Your friends and DH sound ace! What a horrible bloke he is, and his missus sounds well suited

GreenTulips · 16/06/2019 18:32

Can Text Friend be my friend please?

CoraPirbright · 16/06/2019 18:32

Bungalowblues makes an extremely good point:
Plus Anna is extemely manipulative. She knew they were at your house and instantly set about trying to drive a wedge by arranging a meet up without you

So sorry this pair have revealed themselves to be so vile.

SayItLoud1 · 16/06/2019 18:35

Jack is an absolute shit.
Do not talk to Jack again. Ever.
You did the right thing.

Ravenesque · 16/06/2019 18:36

I think not responding to him is exactly the right thing. If you hadn't said that I was going to suggest sleeping on it. Whenever I'm incredibly angry or upset by something, I think about it, decide to not think about it again until the next day and then make my decision after sleeping on it. I didn't do that in the past and it generally made things worse. I might still tear into someone after sleeping on it, but I'll be calmer and tear in so well that the person in question will feel fully eviscerated. No reply is often the best reply of all, thobut.

As with absolutely everyone else, you did the right thing and the dignified thing. He is a truly awful person, beyond awful. He sounds like an utter narcissist in a clinically diagnosed sort of way. I'm glad that you and your actual lovely friends have had such a lovely afternoon and evening. Your husband is an absolute darling as well.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 16/06/2019 18:36

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ZenNudist · 16/06/2019 18:38

Drop jack. Awful thing to say and unable to apologise.... twice!

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 16/06/2019 18:40

You have amazing friends. Jack and Anna aren't in that group. Listen to those there that are outraged on your behalf, they know full well Jack has been an arse. Anna is just as big a one as rather than being worried a friend may have been upset by her DH, she's more concerned with keeping her other friends. Jack and Anna clearly deserve each other.

fedup21 · 16/06/2019 18:43

What a complete twat!

Mummyamy123 · 16/06/2019 18:44

Jack sounds dire.........

You have a wonderful husband and friends though!!

redspider1 · 16/06/2019 18:45

Wow, good on you! I am so glad your DH and other friends followed you. They deserve your loyalty and you theirs. Jack is an obnoxious, ignorant twat and I would not see him again.

GrapesAreMyJam · 16/06/2019 18:47

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redspider1 · 16/06/2019 18:50

DH's friend that stood up for you and lead the revolt is a legend.

Dvg · 16/06/2019 18:51

To joke about someone not being able to have kids isn't humour.

I would have nothing more to do with him or his wife.

If my husband said that to ANYONE then I would LTB to be honest as how cruel can you get.

IvanaPee · 16/06/2019 18:53

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